03-22-00 Wednesday


I don't know how often I say this...but I really love Wednesdays. Youth group is awesome. I'm lacking in the spirit. and I REALLY needed it tonight. Especially after we all went out to eat. It was terrible.

~you may hate me but it aint no lie baby bye bye bye~

After our accident last thursday (kir and I) we had everything straightened out. But it's been nothing but bitterness since then. Tonight, we all went out to dinner before youth group. I was happy. Chris had popped the dent out of the passenger side of my car (that's been there for awhile. we decided it happened in the parking lot. I knew he'd come in handy for something.) We were pulling out of the driveway headed for the mall. I back out, turn my head to switch the car into drive...turn back around and BLAM! My neighbor across the street backed out and hit the driver side of my car. I screamed. (Chris seems to find this funny) It wasn't anything big. I have 2 little dents in the door. One good thing...the door used to make this loud screech when you opened it. but now it's quiet as a mouse. Anyhow, I laughed it off. They took the blame. She didn't look before she backed up. So I left and ran off to the mall to pick up Don Quijote and the new *NSYNC cd with my mall rat partner Chrissy-poo. I was in a bit of a hurry. So I went straight to the restaurant after dropping Chris off.

~You without me aint right~

I get there...and the first person I see is Mr. Beery my choir director...ODD! He had a middle school concert tonight and was going out to dinner with his wife Jamie and his folks. I got a hug from Beery's mommy then sat down. Since the event of the day was my stupid little car accident, I decided to tell everyone. Their first reaction...they laughed! I was being serious. No one asked if I was hurt or if there was serious damage. They laughed at me. I explained that it was my neighbors fault...and they were going to pay for it...and Kirsten goes, "They're going to pay for it! They backed into you...and they're going to pay for it...what a concept!" or something to that effect. I was almost in tears. I couldn't believe she could say something like that. She's pissed at me because I offered to pay for half of our accident. It was both of our fault. No damage to my car...So I offered to pay to help fix hers. and all she can do is talk back...get rude...call me a liar...i could go on. I'm hurt. Shattered...She said that I should have seen her car. It was pitch black outside...her car is dark blue. I didn't see the lights!!! She was turned on a funny angle...How was I supposed to see her car? it sounds as though she's calling me a liar. Like I didn't look. Why would I say I looked if I hadn't? It hurts my heart...I told AJ that I wasn't going to youth group. I got really upset. I was so close to tears. and everytime I looked up, she and Laurie were wispering to each other about it. I looked at her, and Laurie stops talking all of a sudden...stares back at me...then says something about the food...Like I couldn't tell what they were saying...I was pretty quiet for the rest of our meal. Then on the way out...Kir goes, "I'll see you at youth group. right???" and I'm like, "I guess..." I didn't want to be there. But as soon as I walked in, I searched down Diane. I told her what's been going on. and she basically said that the two of us should just stay out of it, and let our parents talk it out. That's what I tried to do the last time we almost got into a fight about it. But she had to do it...Just to spite me. and it hurt a lot more than I let across. I still want to cry. Any other time, I would blow it off. but it's too hard this time. I'm at wits end.

~I sure you've heard these words before, and I know it's hard for you to trust them once more.~

Youth group was nice. Lots of good ol' fun. Some singing...It was different than usual. Everyone was gone. Kip and Pearl...So this college group threw things together. It was cool though...We all went to Taco Bell...I finally got asked to Prom. Will (one of the many people I met through James) asked me. It was funny. Nicole and I had been talking about him right before we left for Taco bell, and then right before we left Taco Bell, she pulls me over to the side and goes, "Hey! Will really wants to go to our prom cause James and Kory are going...and it would be really fun!!! So you need to ask him." Hello! That's one thing I've decided not to do from now on. Everytime I ask a guy out...or just to go with me somewhere...it falls through. Because when I pick the guy, he never likes me. He ends up double-booking the day...or screaming at my friend in a drunken rage...or just flat out turns me down. Anyhow, I go to leave, and Will stops me...totally asks me like right there in front of taco bell. Strange. So yeah...I finally have a prom date. I'm a bit skeptical cause I don't know him very well. But whatever. Beggars can't be choosers.

~I just wanna tell you that I had enough.~

Let's flip back to a few days ago since Jason is obsessed with seeing his name in my journal. (oh! that makes me laugh) Right... Sunday, my cousin hooked me up with J's icq. We ended up messaging until 2am... He gave me EVERY phone number he has. I have EVERY possible way to get a hold of him. I thought that was kinda crazy. But we had some deep conversation. It was certainly interesting. Then Monday night, I got in a huge fight with my whole frickin' family... (long story) but he was on-line and told me to call him. So I was on the phone with him from about 11-2am. That was...different. He's quite a strange character. It's funny...The things we talked about...The "forbidden massage" and many other similar topics...The toga...the grass skirt...etc. I told him that he has a soothing voice. It's nice really. Then he started talking about how he misses cuddling...aww! I could melt. *smile* That was fun. Tiring. but fun. On Tuesday, I came home from school...butt-tired. I fell asleep in the family-room from 5-7...got up for dinner...found out Chris stopped by to play basketball (I had totally forgotten) Then I went back to bed at 9:30. I almost didn't get up this morning. Man! I was so tired. but better now. I think. and Friday, I'm going to see a play at Wapak. (my cousin and my Wapak people) It'll be fun. I think I'm staying the night at Megan's. cause my car is falling apart...and I'm afraid to drive to school tomorrow. So my aunt is going to come and get me I guess. I almost wish I could drive myself and just come home. That way I wouldn't have any stupid curfews...and I could go hang with my peeps. but...no...it never goes my way. When I got on the computer tonight, I found like three messages from J. He's so sweet. It's nice to be missed. Generally, It's nice to have friends who enjoy talking to me. I think I should get to bed. or at least start reading Don Quijote...OH BOY!

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