03-20-00 Monday


I'll be clearing a few things up... Because I am now suddenly considered an annoyance. Why do things get started and blown way out of proportion??? Because people can't stay out of things...Even when asked to. "Stupid bullshit"...This is what my journal has been called. My mother is extremely mad at me right now. because her name has been mentioned on my page in a way other than the "wonderful housewife" picture that I suppose I should be painting. You know what??? I don't need this right now. Her "private life" (if there is such a thing in this world) has been exploited. But...that's NOT what my last entry was about. In actuality, it was about connection. The kind of connection you have with someone. You meet them, and either you know of them/about them or you don't. I happened to know of Mike. Because of something that happened many years ago. She's right. It's none of my business, and I'm sure it's none of yours either...But the point is...My journal is NOT about the people that I write about. It's about me. MY page. MY journal. M-I-N-E. MINE. If I can't have the "better things" in life...Like a normal one...or a normal relationship...or a friend that I just happen to meet...whose father and my mother weren't connected in the past...then I will have this page. and it's not about my mother or Mike's dad. and I NEVER meant to hurt anyones feelings. and I certainly did NOT intend on hurting Mike's mom. (i don't know who thought that one up and or why) but that was NOT my intention. I was simply stating the reason I have a "connection" with Mike. In other words...It's about ME!!! MY connection. Not the past. I wasn't there. I didn't see it happen...(and extremely glad i wasn't present at the time.) So think about it people. My journal is about honesty. It's me, telling anyone who's willing to take time and read, about my life and my experiences tuthfully. It's about people who don't know me very well, or at all...making that connection with me. Understanding. Nothing else. So if you really care, you will think before throwing a fit next time. There's a fine line between me being honest and me going overboard. I never said anything about how "it" happened. I wasn't there. I don't know the circumstances. In fact, i don't want to. I didn't describe what happened between them,(another detail I'm glad to be left in the dark for) I didn't cross that line. I could understand if I had gone into some elaborate sequence of events...but I simply stated their "connection". That, in these days isn't even juicy enough to send around the grapevine in high school. It's done. It's over with. I will state that I'm going back through the 18th, and changing a few words...censoring if you please...because I don't enjoy hurting my mothers feelings. I do have a heart.

I'm really not in any mood to write anymore.

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