Notes from the Fishbowl
3-16-05
	Yesterday was Ryan's birthday. I forgot until later last night when I was in the middle of a conversation with Will. I contemplated calling him. Remembered he doesn't have a personal phone and that I'd either have to call Jeff's house phone or Erin's cell phone and figured it could wait. He was probably drunk and he's stopping by today anyway. One day late won't kill him or me for that matter. It also gives me a little time to prepare. I can't believe I completely forgot about it. We just discussed his birthday the last time I talked to him and I informed him he would NOT be receiving a gift from me. I lied. I thought about it a lot. I shouldn't get him anything. The best idea I've had so far is to make him a first aid kit since I will no longer be there to bandage his skate boarding war wounds. In the year that we were together that boy managed to hit himself in the chin with a board leaving an inch and a half gash and eventually a scar. He smacked himself in the mouth with a board which pushed his tooth through his lip. Bled all over the place. And the most recent injury, board comes down nose first into his big toe bruising the soft tissue underneath the nail. Seeping blood from underneath. His toenail almost fell off. It was disgusting. I always knew it by the tone of his voice through the phone. "Laura, can you come and get me? I'm at the skate park. I'm bleeding." The toe injury was a different story because we weren't together at the time. He had been skating at the indoor park in Toledo a few months ago with Pat. I may have known he was there and may not. He calls, "Laura, can I come over? I need you. I'm bleeding." I was always there. Even when I couldn't handle the sight of his blood and raw inside meat I poured peroxide, I bandaged and I kissed it better. I'm going to miss taking care of his clumsy ass.
~I'm not crazy. I'm just a little unwell.~
	I know it's probably coming as a shock that not only have I talked to Ryan, he's coming over to my house this evening. Considering my last several posts haven't shed the brightest light on that situation. We didn't talk for the longest time. It felt a lot longer than what it really was. I purposefully avoided him. I imagine it wasn't as hard as I'd thought. I resisted calling him. I had James and T.J. to keep me from that. I was still mad. I was still bitter. Just as I have in the past, I found a way to move on. Anyhow, we both happened to be on IM a few weeks ago and rather than seeming like a cold hard bitch, I messaged him. We had a short conversation and it was right back to our smartass banter. I was happy for that. I've known for awhile now that he's moving back east and I would have felt horrible if not given the chance to mend some bridges. So here I was a week or so ago with my tv and vcr from the stone age...I was having "technical difficulties". Clyde tried to fix it, James tried, I tried, Nicole...no use. We're all idiots I guess. So I e-mailed Ry with a request to take a look at my electronic disorder. He agreed. Since then, the original problem was fixed. Then I got a video tape stuck in the vcr. Ryan called a few days ago to see when we were going to meet up for this repair and I told him the first problem was no longer a problem and explained my video issue. We agreed to this afternoon. Well, since then, Will got the tape out. BUT, the remote got sat on last Saturday or something and no longer wanted to function. Figured out that it needed to be reprogrammed. Figured Ryan could do that. Well, (this is sad) I can't turn the tv on without the remote. The buttons on the set are screwed up. I couldn't live without tv for more than a day. I flipped out, found the booklet for the remote and programmed it myself. So honestly, I have nothing left for Ry to do when he comes over tonight. I'm sure he'll think it was all a set up. It wasn't I swear. Maybe he can hook up Nicole's speakers. We really need a man around the house.
~My homeboys tried to warn me but that butt you got mm mm makes me so horny!~
	So I'm sure we're wondering who Will is. (Will is the guy who got the video out of my vcr.) I met Will at one of his shows. He's a local musician. (EEEK!) I know. I know. When we first met, I knew he was scheming on me like any other random groupie skank. That's who he is. It's what he does. He's been hanging out a lot lately and we recently (last night) had a serious conversation about...yuck! us. (I hate that word) Technically, there is no "us". There will never be an "us". We've both come to this conclusion. Fortunately, our families and friends are all connected (didn't know that at first) & I found out a few things about him. Discovered that he'd been lying to me. I made him come clean. Yadda Yadda! Long story short, he won't be lying to me again and if he does, I will rip his penis off like that crazy chimp on the news. We decided to continue to be friends. We enjoy each others company and have a lot in common. He seems to think I'm going to help him with the writing process for his next recording session.
~Something's got to go wrong cause I'm feeling way too damn good.~
	I met someone else as well. Once again, long story short, his name is Ben. He's 26 and has a kid. Don't know how I feel about that yet. Did that once before and it wasn't pretty. This guy is different though. He's not anything like Gregorio. Thankfully. We have yet to have a decent conversation about it. Or anything for that matter. I keep getting interrupted when he calls. Needless to say, things are on the up and up when it comes to putting myself back out there. I won't say I'm any less cynical than before. But I'm more and more optimistic about opening up to new relationships. We've been going out an awful lot. Doing what should have been done a long time ago. Having fun. Spending time with friends and just being crazy. I'm enjoying myself and being single. It's not so bad right now.