03-13-00 Monday


wow...I've noticed a few things. Like...boys only come to me when they don't need anything. For example: James calls me yesterday afternoon. Didn't want anything. So I asked why he called. "No reason. I'm bored." I don't even remember what we talked about. Chris comes over today. I asked what he wanted. "Nothin'. I'm bored." So we sat in my room. Rocked out to a little Devo... What's up with that? Why do guys only want to be around me when they have nothing better to do. That really makes me feel like crap. Especially when I put it that way. I'm still confused about this whole prom thing. One minute, I'm waiting on J.P. then the next minute, there's no one. Nothing... I'm not butt-ugly. I'm not THAT bad to be around... Does everyone hate me? Am I not good enough for a Prince Charming? (I'm not even good enough for a drunken fool) That's all I'm asking for. Just a frog that I can turn into a Prince. How awful is that? Nicole has Tyler. Laurie has Stevie. Kir might have Justin... me??? nobody! I explained my whole "perfect prom" thing before. and well... we'll just say...I'm not even close. I don't have that much time either. This sucks.

~Love... like the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket~

I was also thinking about how much my life revolves around music. I can't possibly get through the day without a little Silverchair...I'm sitting here...listening to the new Bloodhound cd. "hooray for boobies". it's good. I dig sick jokes...and their music is like a big sick joke rapped to a beat. it cracks me up. the older one was better though. anyhow, if I didn't have music...I couldn't live. I would die. My moods are reflected through my music. Like right now, I could rattle off a string of curse words about how ticked off I am on the subject of "boys". I could bust up laughing because this song is hilarious. People probably think I'm nuts when I pass them in my car. If I weren't me, and I passed myself on the road, I would make myself laugh at me. Kir mentioned that we all look really dumb. Because we try so hard to have an image. (of some sort. whatever it may be) and my image is hard to explain. I'm reserved unless you know me. I'm crazy. I can be pretty nuts at times. I'm extremely animated. Chris told me that I'm like a cartoon. I talk with my hands. I jump around. I make funny noises. and don't get me started on my laugh. I get made fun of SO much. I start giggling, and it turns into loud obnoxious laughter, then I cackle, then it gets crazy (like unpredictable) and if I'm laughing hard enough, I might even snort a bit. (it takes quite a bit for that though) then I just start roaring. After awhile, tears roll down my face. I've been known to hit the floor laughing. I slammed my head into a wall trying to stop. It's psychotic. But I enjoy laughter. It helps me through the day. When guys are being rude... when I can't stand looking at myself... when I'm mad... I'll laugh. man... I really got off track. I don't even remember what I was originally talking about. I thought I had something important to mention in this entry. Nope. Not really. My back hurts. My neck is sore. Otherwise, I think I'm through here.

~No more maybes. Your babies got rabies.~

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