06-05-00 Monday


My Sunday...

It was yet another graduation party dominated day. I headed over to Ryan's. Mainly to drop off his old history notes. He wanted to keep them because he's majoring in history. That's cool. I took his notes over and sat around and talked to him for a bit. Alanna stopped in and asked if I'd be online that night. I thought I would. She's like, "Well if you're not, then I'll call you tomorrow." I guess she really needed to tell me something. I had told Tyler that I was going to be a permanent decoration at his party so I left Ryan's pretty quick. I went to Tyler's and sat around some more. It was good because I got to see my friends. Including Mr. Dan. He stopped by for a few minutes. Long enough to say hi to everyone and to suggest that he and I go see a movie the following day. (today) He mentioned Chicken Run...I want to see that movie so badly. It's made by the same people who do Wallace and Grommit. So I agreed that we go see a movie, and I gave him my number. So ya...he said he'd call me today. I took two trips over to the resevoir. The first was with Nicole and Jon. We played on this little pier thingy. It kinda freaked me out. Then the second time I went to the resevoir, it was with AJ and all of his little skater friends. They were skate boarding down this huge hill. Everything was ok until AJ hit a bump and flipped. He had a huge rasberry on his back. I went back across the street to Tyler's a little after that. I ended up chillin' in the driveway with Jon right before he left. He took my hand and started swinging it around. It was odd. He asked if I was going to his bonfire at 8:30. I said sure I'd be there. It was kind of like he insisted that I be there. So I went after Tyler's party.

~Crash into me baby and I'll come into you~

It was...silly at first. Leigh comes up to me and informs me of her crush on Smitty. (Josh) I found out later that she told me because she thought I was hitting on him. (Only no. Nicole told her that it was Josh hitting on me.) He's liked me...forever. Since like Freshman year. But I had written him off because he's not...smart. He makes all kinds of stupid mistakes. He drinks. He smokes. I don't like that at all. He bothers me. He knows how to push the line...and how to annoy me beyond annoying. Anyhow, they decided to make me the mediator. So when I informed Smitty of Leighs infatuation, he was a little upset. He even said that he was disappointed because it wasn't me. So they didn't hook up. Jon's dad got mad. There were a lot of things going on that he didn't agree with. So he told Jon to kick everyone out at 10. Jon got mad...it was like the domino effect. Ultimately, we all ended up at Belisle's house. There was this huge caravan of cars all the way. Hilarious! I hung out with Jon and Josh mostly. I was sitting on the swingset and Ben (Jon's brother) looks over at me and says, " I think Jon's moved on from Amanda...(long pause. long enough for me to predict what he'd say next)...and onto you." I just pretended like I didn't hear him. Even though it's what I wanted to hear. It wasn't from the right person. I don't know if it's what I wanted to hear or not. I don't know what I want.

~He is everything you want, he is everything you need, he is everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why.~

So I was updating Saturday night. Around 1:30 or 2:00am. And I get this authorizaton message on ICQ. From Danny...we ended up talking until 5 o'clock in the morning. That was...enlightening. I learned quite a few things that I didn't understand or know before. I'm glad. I'm so glad that we got to actually talk about the things that I had nothing to do with but set aside in the back of my mind and forget. It's like closure only 20x better. I don't even know how to describe it. He never knew how hurt I was. And he never understood just how important he is to me. So I finally got the chance to explain everything. It's a relief. I thanked him, and then the conversation was pretty much over.

~Keep breakin' me in and this is how it will end. With you and me, bent.~

So Dan called right after I got up today. At about 1pm. He found out that Shang Hai Noon is playing tonight at 9:45 (he has to work until 9) We're going to see that cause Chicken Run doesn't come out until the 28th. He has everything all planned. So we're going to meet at the theater at 9:45. I'll be there a little earlier than that. I hate missing the previews. No, it's not a date. Dan and I are past that. I think...and I just hope this evening goes well. ha...what am I saying? We're going to be together for 2 hours to watch a movie. Oh boy! It's not like anything can really go bad. We'll see.


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