I forgot about Elliot?!?!


06-25-03 6:36am

~blessed by your own ghost~

I think I'm suffering from a form of insomnia. I'm nocturnal. This is 2 nights in a row that I haven't been able to sleep. I take that back. I WOULD have been able to sleep last night...but I decided to go out instead. Humor me...this goes along with my theory of rebuilding broken bridges. So Laurie calls me around l0ish and says she's in my driveway. She and Steve stopped by on their way back from the cabin...and supposedly, Steve is interested in buying my dad's boat. So she and I talked for a bit while the guys talked boat talk. Then Steve joined the conversation. We just sat here and chatted for a few. I'd been taking tests on thespark.com so the computer was on. And I have this habit of checking to see who comes on IM when the little sound of a door opening blares from my speakers. (to be honest, a lot of the time it makes me jump out of my skin because I'm not expecting it.) So the sound goes off and I clicked open IM and guess who OF ALL PEOPLE comes on-line? TJ...I haven't seen him since our run in at the movie theater when Jesse came to visit. (which was weird) Anyhow, it surprised me to see him on-line and it sparked a bit of a conversation with Laurie. But they took off...and my curiosity got the best of me once again. So I messaged him. Andrew was there, and I talked to him for a split second then TJ said they were planning on staying up for awhile to play eucre so I should come over and join the party. He said he owed me for all the times I wanted him to come out and get drunk with me. Here's where Laura the sucker comes in. I knew I needed to sleep because I should be out pounding the pavement looking for a job. I suck at eucre anyway! But I caved and went over there.

~bold waves tumble oh to the season of my heart~

I'm shaking my head right now. It's almost 7am. I should have my 8 hours in by now. Instead, I'm going to stay up for a few more hours because I just finished a bottle of pure caffeine. And I'm hungry. Break for maruchan cup o' noodles. Ok, while those are cooling, I'll continue. Ya, so the whole trip out there (a good 15-20 minutes) I'm thinking...you know, that whole thing with TJ didn't really end on poor terms so why did we stop speaking to each other? I mean, granted we didn't really talk to each other before whatever the hell that "thing" was. So I guess I shouldn't have expected him to call me up and be my best friend all of a sudden. But still...I suppose I could have taken some initiative too. I guess I figure he's the one with the apartment that he can invite people to come and hang out. But ok, ya it would have been awkward. (damn these noodles are good) Now I'm sure the first thing that he thought while inviting me over this time was that it would be immediately posted on the internet...I regret to say, he was right. (holy shit! It's a journal. What do you expect me to post about? My bowl movements??? No one understands it...sometimes I don't think I even do.) But I'm going to attempt to hold my tongue. So I get there...and dammit! (let's take a step back in time here. I'm going to quote my post from when we went to the theater)

"I've been avoiding the theater in a not so conscious way since TJ and I ended our little trist. Of course, we make it through the line no sign of TJ and get to the actual theater entrance...everybody was in the damn bathroom but me and tada! TJ. I shook his hand which was kind of odd. Asked how he was. blah blah. Blew it off and headed in to watch the show. That's when I thought, 'wow, what the hell happened to TJ??? He's looking pretty damn good.'"

So the point of that flashback was to bring up the fact that at the time, his hair was growing out, styled nice, and dyed black. Well, I walked into the apartment to find that he has once again bleached himself the color of a yellow highlighter. Now TJ, if you're reading this, I would just like to state that I'm not trying to be mean. I have a hair thing...and I just don't believe that ANY male should bleach their hair unless you're going to put another color over top of it. I liked it black. Not that my opinion matters. I just want you to be all the pimp that you can be. So call it what you will. An insult (though it's been said that it wasn't meant that way) or constructive criticism from one friend to another. You're awesome either way in my book.

~there's somethin' in the way you laugh that makes me feel like a child.~

I don't know why but I'm drinking french vanilla coffee. I shouldn't but it's oh so tasty. (the slightest things amuse me when I'm sleep deprived)Anyway, I hung around with TJ, Mike and Andrew for awhile. Listened to some music. I was paying close attention to that because my old music informer (aka Kyle) is no more. So I've been really out of the whole scene...creating my own instead. Mraz!!! And Mike played this song that I knew I had heard before I just couldn't figure out who it was. So I asked...Elliot! Hello, how could I forget about Elliot. I have it somewhere on a burned disc. I'll have to find it. Maybe it's the one that I put a big question mark on when I was figuring out what all my unmarked cd's were. Dammit, now I'm gonna have to check. It's like I need ridlin or something when I'm this tired. Ok, I'm gonna shit my pants...IT IS! I knew I had it! Damn Kyle burned that for me a VERY long time ago. Wait a second...I've gone totally off track again. Right, so Pat gets home from work and Matt, Quinley (matt's girlfriend) and Casidy (pat's girlfriend) showed up. Not too long after that, Natalie dropped by. We played a little eucre. HEY guess what! I still suck. Everyone was drinking and just hanging out. I'm not big on parties and whatnot but it was a decent time. I guess the whole point of the evening was to get Natalie to stay until 6am because her boyfriend was driving all the way back from California to surprise her. So the night basically turned into everyone doing sneaky drunken things to keep her from leaving. I think Drew and I were the only ones who didn't join in on the consumption of hops. Andrew never ceases to amaze me with his skills on the accoustic guitar. I'm no expert but he's good. He and Pat were playing for awhile and it was really nice. I miss having talented guitar playing boys around. He knows that I really like that More Than Words song...and he played it several times. Tried to teach Natalie how to play it cause she too loves Extreme. But Drew made a very excellent point. ALL girls love that song. I can't help it, I'm a cheeseball and we all know it. So why even try to deny. He got the tabs off of kazaa and learned how to play the harmonic solo at the end...in like 2 seconds flat. He makes me sick. But it was pretty badass.

~I'm not at all what I seem. But my intentions are practical inventions. Forgot to mention I'm insane by definition.~

I didn't even talk to TJ very much now that I think of it. Mostly just Natalie and Andrew. There was a short conversation if I remember correctly...but I'm about to fall off of this chair here in a minute so who knows. Just a, "what have you been up to?" And a brief recap of my latest activities. Then it was, "talk to Kyle lately?" and I said we had talked a bit at the wedding but that's it. Then he asked if I'd talked to Tim. I said ya. I must have grinned or something...(most likely because of the post Tim experiences) cause he looked at me funny and said, "you two aren't back together are you???" HA! nonono. Then he's like, "good. I never liked that guy. blah blah blah" NOBODY did but me. I know! So he's like, "haven't seen you since we ran into each other at the theater that one day. Did you like Holes?" (which was the movie we saw.) And for being Mr. Forgetful like he always was...he sure remembered exactly what movie we went to see over a month ago. *raising an eyebrow on that one* Then he asked who the guy was that I had brought with me. "Not to be all nosey or anything..." riiiiight. *the eyebrow raises even farther* I don't know, it just strikes me (as funny) that TJ is interested in who I've been hanging out with. It was an odd question to ask a girl that you totally shot down several months ago. But I guess everyone is entitled to curiosity. Which is why it's okay for me to be curious as to why he asked me that. It's cool though, I mean, I did enjoy hanging out with TJ when we did. But...I don't know. I guess it's kind of a 'been there done that' sort of thing maybe. I don't see myself attempting a relationship with him on any level higher than friendship again. At least we tried though...it just wasn't right.

~I believe in love. I still wish on the stars above. I believe in love songs. yes, I think that they are real. All you have to do is feel...I believe in fate. I believe in good things coming to those who wait.~

Well, once all the guys were stripped down to their boxers and drenched in beer, Natalie's boyfriend showed up and I made my exit. I pulled into the drive at 6:20 this morning. Dad was up...and yet he didn't question where I was or why I had escaped with the van. So I just mumbled something about insomnia and hid in my room. I honestly don't know why I stayed out so late. I'll regret it later I'm sure. Cause I'll pass out and then not wake up until supper time. Then I'll be up all night tonight. How am I EVER going to get a job when I'm sleeping through the entire day? I think we're gonna blame it on Tim. It's Tim's fault. No theories of how that really connects this time but I'm sure it does. This has taken altogether WAY too much time to think through and type out. So I think it's time to space out in front of the tv and crash. If I could think right now, that's what I would think. Good...morning???

~...and who are we is who we are when the act of love can get us so far. So good I wish you would think twice on me. It only gets better. It only gets better. You'll see.~

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