The Darkness isn't just a cheesy british band anymore.


06-18-04

~This is war. Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.~

I lost power the other night and just now figured out why. I was sitting here in the process of typing out something absolutely charming and smooth and all of a sudden, there was a POP! And everything turned off. I was redirecting cords to an extension that trails out of my room, down the hall and into the bathroom when I think I may have discovered the culprit. The socket behind my desk burned the main plug for the computer. Plug still works but I'm guessing the socket f'd up all of the electric wiring in my bedroom. It bothered me at first. Before I realized I could inconvenience everyone else in the house with my massive tangle of extension cords. It's been a few days and I think I'm almost starting to enjoy it. Last night, I sat in bed, in the dark, listening to a battery powered headset and entertained myself with a flashlight. For a moment or two, I was Yoda.

~Hope you find out what you are. Already know what I am.~

Ryan came over and we had the third and final installment to our ending the relationship talks. He said there's still a chance that he might decide he still wants to be with me. But as I explained to him last night, quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of being type-cast. I'm tired of playing the role of the girl who's in love with the boy who's not ready to be in a relationship. We were on a "break" for three days and I drove myself to the thin line between sanity and the looney bin. And...I'm still not quite sure if last night was the official break-up or not but he's informed me that he might want to see other people. Also something that he's not quite sure of. It's all pretty much up in the air. Yes, it upset me. It's probably the worst feeling in the world. Love is a nasty nasty bitch. Which is why I've decided to take a different road with it this time. After several failed attempts, I'm starting to think that maybe I don't know what I'm looking for either. It's a definate possibility that I've been going about this all wrong. I think there are several things I still need to work on with myself. So we'll see. What I do know is that I won't feel guilty when I go to Columbus tomorrow. Last minute plans to hang out in C-town with Kir and some of my old homies. And I won't feel guilty when I call Chris to ask him if he'll work on my car. But I WILL feel pretty damn good when I move out on my own. It's already being discussed with one of my customers. She's leaving the country for a year and doesn't want to lose her lease. She'll be working and not paying for a place to stay so she's offered to pay half of the rent. I could have a two bedroom, two bathroom with a basement AND off street parking for an entire year for only $150 a month. I'd be a fool to turn this down. So ya, it's in the ghetto. But it's actually located in a really nice neighborhood. Holy hell! I could have a 2 bedroom apartment that I can afford all to myself! It's exactly what I've been looking for. We're supposed to talk about it tomorrow. So...ya. We'll see.

~Some rules are made with all intentions to break and she defends it with a warped rational.~

I'm almost pleased with my outlook right now. Though somewhat twisted. I've decided that it's okay for me to believe Brandon Boyd is the most stunningly attractive man alive followed by Jason Mraz and Hugh Grant with a close tie for second. I've been listening to all the emo one person can handle. I've been watching episode after episode of Sex and the City, hanging out with my girlfriends again. Doing all the things I really enjoy doing. Not cleaning my room because there's no one to impress. Coming home from work to relax rather than getting ready to go out. Sleeping diagonally across the futon surrounded by all 6 all of my stuffed animals. Okay, so the last one sounds a bit sad. hahaha. But in all honesty, I don't care. I won't pull a Judas on Ghost Poop, Kitty, Lambers, Babs, Pedro, and Scabs. That would just be rude. As of this moment, I'm a little sleepy. It's 7:30 and I've had a rough day at the office after staying up until 3am to gaze dreamily at Hugh Grant's crooked smile just to get back up at 7:30. Had a losing battle with my stomach. Taco Bell is a bad choice for your first large solid meal after a few days fasting. So now that I'm feeling better I can focus on another movie on the big screen in the living room and sleep the whole night away in preparation for tomorrow.

~It's a brand new day in a life that you hate.~


HOME

Email: holyrevelry@hotmail.com