Futon this!!!


06-12-04

~I see no boundaries except for the ones I'm in.~

It's a quarter after 4 on Saturday. Just got out of work about a half an hour ago. Saturday is my favorite day of the week. Why? Because I know I don't have to set my alarm for any reason. I have no where to be tomorrow and I can stay up as late as I want. That's exciting to me. Pathetically exciting. My life is so scheduled lately. Working the majority of daylights hours. Leaving little time to spend doing the things I once loved doing. I come home from work and watch a little tv knowing there's no time to start any projects because they won't be finished by bedtime. That's right. Bed time. I feel older everyday. I have to have 8 or 9 hours of sleep before I can wake up at a decent time for work in the morning. It hasn't been happening. I don't nod off until somewhere around 1am and in turn, I reset the alarm two times before I actually pull myself out of my nice warm cocoon. Usually left with a half an hour or so to throw on some makeup and clothes and take off rolling into CIC 5 minutes late. It's been worse the last week. A combination of several things.

~Once an hour I light the flower and burn baby burn.~

I bought a futon. It's a squeeze in my 10X11 foot bedroom but a necessary evil all the same. The twin size I've had since 8th grade wasn't doing the trick anymore. It's tough when you have a regular guest sleeping over and not enough space to accomodate 2 full grown adults. So the futon, even though a foam spacer has been added to cushion it's lack of springiness, is less than comfortable. Woke up earlier this week and couldn't turn my head to the right. Lower back pains and the whole bit. This is tragic. But I've been attempting to convince myself that it's only temporary. Soon and very soon I'll be moving out and the futon will be used for living room furniture ~slash~ a place for friends to crash on drunken stumbly nights. About a week ago, I was chewing on a pen. I know this sounds like it has nothing to do with anything I'm talking about. It does. So, I was chewing on a pen because I have a serious oral fixation problem. I smoke. When I don't smoke, I chew on things. Anyhow, as I was gnawing on this poor unsuspecting victim, it bit back. Somehow, I ended up jabbing myself in the lower gums. At first it was a tiny cut and I'd forgotten all about it but it's turned into a blister. I imagine my dirty smokers mouth is full of bacteria and the cut turned into infection. The blister popped and so I now have a wound. I can't eat properly. If anything I choose to put in my mouth has any sort of flavor or spice, I react with an ugly face and a loud whimper. This too has impaired my sleeping habits up until the day before yesterday when I discovered a tube of very aged Oragel in the bathroom cupboard. It still sucks. That stuff tastes like shit. I've also contracted a cold. No thanks to the fact that my father can't handle being the tiniest bit warm in the summertime and jacks up the central air to 40 degrees below frigid. It's eighty outside and I'm wearing pants and a hoody! Ya, so I slept with my trapper wide open and woke up with a sore throat which has gradually screwed with my sinuses. I've got phelm like no other, coughing and sneezing and an ear ache for a day or so. It's disgusting. I've hacked up some of the nastiest creatures in the past few days. But I continue to smoke my lungs black. It's extremely unhealthy. I'm old and frail and sickly. Sad really.

~I kissed the stars oh yes I did.~

So I've been having some massive fits of moodiness recently. I'd like to blame it all on PMS but I don't think that's all of the problem. The office drama never stops. If it's not friends abusing their friendship rights, it's someone's X coming to town and causing stress, customers raising hell or our DM threatening jobs. Out of work, I've been nit picking Ryan to death. The guys he's been hanging out with aren't my favorites. McV (if you remember that one) and his posse. He's been out late a lot at the bar with this group...I'm pretty much over that now. He's working on getting a better job since they screwed him over at O-max so...that's died down. It's completely situational. I've been in this place before with a boyfriend who rarely works and can barely pay his bills. Hangs out with his friends instead...I dealt with it for a little more than 6 months before. But I know that Ryan isn't Tim. Doesn't even come close to being screwed up like that boy. And thanks to Tim, I'm realizing more and more everyday that I've been watching my back. I won't let myself get into a mess like that again. So I've been jumpy. I'm too damn jumpy and unfortunately Ryan's been the target. I can't seem to get back to the place where I was before. When I was laid back and the opposite of uptight. I used to be the cool chick with lots of guy friends. Now I'm the upitty office chick with one or two female friends and no patience who goes to bed early and rarely does anything fun. Ugh. I suck.

~Don't fall outta bed no not just yet.~

So our 4 month anniversary is Monday. I could have sworn we've been together longer. It seems like it's been quite awhile. He told me once that he planned on being the one to beat my longest relationship record. That was Kyle who logged approximately 13,140 hours (a year and a half) with me. On Monday it will be 122 days. 2,928 hours. He's got quite a bit to go and yes, I used a calculator. I'm a geek. So yes, now that I've bored you all to tears and proven to the world once again that I'm a pathetic dork and a fool for love, I'm going to go shower, shave, eat, pay a bill at the mall and it's off to do something fun. I'm not as lame as I let on. I'll be bar hopping tonight. Typical Saturday activities. Maybe Bdubs possibly Paddy's and most probably Harry's. Kir is in town which is always good times. I'm off.

~That's another whole box of Pandora's...~

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