Summer breeze, makes me feel fine...


06-06-03

~It's so much better when everyone is in. Are you in?~

What a day...how is it that everything in your life can turn to shit so quickly??? One second there's a hint of sunshine then the sky turns black and opens up just to pour a load of shit down on your head. I was so close to having a job. Then Laurie informs me today that her DM is dead set on hiring someone of the male persuasion. Not sure whether it's because he's gay and wants some eye candy or if he just doesn't think a female can do the job. But either way, he interviewed some guy today and needless to say...I've been screwed out of the position. I haven't even heard from the guys at the computer place once again. So fuck them all. FUCK FUCK FUCK! It's just cutting way too close to bill time for my comfort. I have a feeling I'm going to have to ask mommy for some money to get me through until I finally find a job where people aren't DUMBASSES! Oh, the constant drama!

~Why you gotta be so fucking mean to me???~

06-08-03

It's a combination post. I started the last entry for the 6th and got disillusioned with it. So 2 days later...here we are. And sick. Yes, I'm sick. I feel like shit. And I have felt like shit for the passed several days. It's a head cold. Stuffiness, sneezy, hacking up yucky gooey things, coughing my ass off...ya, you get the idea. I haven't left the house at all except to get smokes. I went out in my pj's...looking like hell. It was a wasted trip anyway. I can't smoke cause my lungs are full of shit, and I just start to to choke. It's really not pretty. I'm not too pretty right now. I don't even want to think or talk about the job situation anymore. Fuck it. The family will be returning tonight. Thank God. In a way I'm glad...just because I've been here all alone and bored. But then again, I know as soon as dad gets here he's going to start bitching about the job thing. *sigh* Ugh, I made myself some tater tots. They taste like crap. My taste buds are off...so I haven't eaten jack squat these last couple of days. I made some coffee this morning. That was like mud. Spaghetti last night. That was ok. I had a hot dog at one point in time...and gave most of it to the dog. Blah.

~Love is not a token of affection. It's not even a real thing, it's a word. So don't try and buy it out with a ring cause it's a verb. To love someone, open up and let'em in so don't be afraid to set them free again.~

So what have I done to keep myself occupied? Slept most of the days away. I've watched a lot of tv. I cleaned the whole house. That's right!!! I cleaned! Holy shit I must be sick. Mom left a ton of dishes...so I washed those. I dusted...and vacuumed the whole house. I did like 3 loads of laundry. Nice, I haven't showered properly though. (the things we sacrifice) I did take a bubble bath. Last night, I was trying to make myself tired around midnight. So I get out and put some pj's on. Crawl into bed and watched some tv. I finally start to get sleepy, so I turned off the tv. Next thing I know, my cell phone is ringing. I ignored it...cause I was so tired. But then it started to beep meaning that I had a voice message. So I thought it might have been important. I was awake at that point. So I listened to the message. The first time I listened to it...I didn't really get the whole thing. Cause as soon as I heard the voice...I was shocked. I thought it was probably Laurie. But it was a male voice. It said, "hey Laura it's Ben. Just thought you might want to come over and watch a movie. I'll probably be on-line later though. bye". Ben?! Ben doesn't call me. But it didn't sound like Ben to me. For some reason it sounded like Matt H. So I listened to it again. Then I got on-line because I was WIDE awake. Talked to Notasha (the girl from KY) Then Ben got on-line. I told him the story. That he woke my ass up. And I thought he was Matt. That I'm sick...and he was like, "oh that's weird. I try to sound like Matt...haha You must be tripping on cold medicine." It was all just odd. Because Ben does NOT call me. And after I asked him to come with me to Nicole's wedding...and he said no, I just figured I would cut him off. Hmm, I don't know. It's 3pm already. The folks will be home in about 3 hours. I just realized that I have to move my car back over to the other driveway soon. And vacuum again. Cause I just went to check on the dog...and he's laying on the living room floor surrounded by clumps of his fur. If you've ever seen my dog before...he's massive and extremely hairy. So he's shedding now, and it's everywhere. It makes me sick. I just vacuumed yesterday morning! But I'm determined to have this place clean when those dirty fools get home. Maybe dad will be impressed...and won't bitch. They're mad at me right now I think. Cause the last time they called...I was really rude. I said something like, "ya, fuck you. I wasn't invited on vacation and instead I get to sit here and watch the fucking animals." Needless to say, they haven't called back to check up on me since then. And I've tried to call them but no one answered. It just pissed me off when they were like, "oh, we're going to tennesee and you can't come." Well, at first they were going to let me go with them. But dad got all gung ho about the job thing. And he's like, "you won't be able to go anyways. Cause what if you get a job??? We don't really have enough room for you. The condo only has 2 beds. bla blah blah" Fuck that. I'd sleep on the floor. Seriously, sun!!! Pools!!! c'mon! Who needs a vacation more than me? But no! Laura gets to stay home and take care of the animals. I get to listen to the fucking cat meowing his ass off cause he can't decide whether he wants food...or if he wants to go outside. These 2 are spoiled rotten. In and out in and out. I swear. I let the dog out and the cat runs outside then 15-20 minutes later, I let the dog back in, and the cat runs inside. Then he starts meowing so I feed him. He takes 3 bites then starts meowing again. So I let him out. Then 20 minutes later, I can hear him at the door. So I let his ass back in. It's a neverending cycle. I haven't had a moments peace the whole time. But they've been my only company. I've found myself having full blown conversations with the dog. Quite interesting...I think he understands me. He's not as annoying as the cat. Ok...I'm starting to sound like a psycho. But you're lying if you say you've never talked to your pets before. Eh. I'm wasting time. I need to go vacuum again, and clean up my half eaten tater tot mess. Oh, and move my car. ugh. I should do some more laundry. I found a hamper full in dad's room. Lovely.

~I, I believe in love. Yes I still wish on the stars above.~

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