07-09-00 Sunday


sigh...I'm tired. That's what I get for staying out late the night before I have to get up early for a job interview. Yes! an interview...at Gadzooks. It's not, exactly what I was looking for. The hours are dumb. Plus, they only have hours for 2-3 nights a week. I need more than that. I have car insurance jacked so high...you need a ladder to reach it. It's not the best pay rate either. I'm starting to notice how nice this office job could be. But they're insisting on a schedule from school...and I don't have one yet. Hopefully, I can find out tomorrow at orientation, and call them asap...and see if I can set up another interview. Because I wanted to flat out say no to the manager I talked to today. (from Gadzooks) Now, don't get me wrong...I would have no problem with the job. But I need more hours...and more money. Because I have to pay the bills. That's priority...Next to school.

~Don't Speak, I know what you're sayin'. So please stop explainin'. Don't tell me cause it hurts.~

So I was talking to Nicole yesterday...and she and Tyler were making last minute plans to go to the drive-in. She invited me. And asked who else I wanted to go. It's the 3rd wheel rule...anyhow, the first person I thought of was Andrew. But I was set on not calling him...because I've hassled him way to much. Instead, Nicole decided she'd call him if I called Dan. haha...Chicken Run was playing...that's why I suggested Dan. So we got off the phone, she paged Andrew, and I left a message at Dan's. (he was mowing) By the time he called back, Nicole had called saying Andrew was going to go into work and try to get off early. We all know that never happens. But Dan wouldn't have gone anyhow. He was sick, and had planned on going to bed early. I head out to Nicole's...to find that no, Andrew could not get out of work early...but he seemed over joyed that we had thought of him. And he told Tyler to keep him in mind the next time they go somewhere...(strange?) But this still left us minus 1. Then all of a sudden I thought of Crazy Jon. Why not? Jon's usually fun. So Nicole called. This was the conversation.
N: Hey Jon
J: Hey
N: This is Nicole.
J: Oh Hi
N: So what are you doing?
J: Nothin'
N: What are you doing later?
J: Nothin'
N: Well I know what you're doing.
J: Oh really?
N: You're going to the drive-in with
me, Tyler, and Laura.
J: ok
that simple. I wish I could do that. She didn't even ask. Maybe I should try that from now on. It leaves no room for the word no. I was watching Real World earlier today...and the one chick just tells this guy that he's taking her out on a date the next day. What else could he do??? He agreed. I envy people like that. Anyhow...

~I'm just a girl, my apologies...~

So we get lost. In Van Wert of all places. Stopped for directions twice. Finally find the Ridgeway Drive-in. I liked Chicken Run. But the mosquitos were ridiculous. So for Gone in 60 Seconds, we sat in the car. I've seen that one. Not really. That happened to be the movie that was on while Andrew and I had our conversation the last time I went to the Drive-in. Different drive-in. Different group of people. So through the whole movie...I was remembering the things we talked about. I remembered parts of the movie...we watched some of it. But it was just...sour...stale. I didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to think about Andrew any longer. I'm tired of thinking about him...knowing that I have...or should I say had no chance with him. That whole thing has just got me...all grrr. I want to fight it. I want to disagree. But I can't. It's not my choice. It's just...so irrational. I'm being stupid again.

~I wish for you on a falling star...wondering where you are. And do I ever cross your mind in the warm sunshine~

So, moving on...we get back to Nicole's, and Tyler says he's too tired to drive home. Only...HE was supposed to take Jon home. IMO, I think he and Nicole wanted some alone time. I don't blame them. If I had a boyfriend, I'd want alone time. So I said I'd take Jon home. Which is past my house...and out of the way...but that was ok. I had no problem with it. He's a friend...the majority of the ride home...through back country roads...was silent. We get into town...and I tried to start a conversation...about the girl he was telling us about the last time we had youth group. But he answered my questions and then clammed back up again. So I'm headed down Bible Rd. I go over the tracks, and come to a stop light. It turns green...and I start going. I barely get through the intersection (I'm going maybe 15 mph) and I see flashing lights behind me. So I pull over. Highway Patrol...comes up to the window...and asks for my licence...proof of insurance...you know. So I'm gathering all of these things up for him...and he says, "the reason I'm pulling you over is because your exhaust is loud." WHAT! It's 2am...and we're two teenagers in a car. Both of us are 18, AND have our seatbelts on...so you blew it. That was a pretty creative excuse though. My car has always sounded like crap. I've had the sucker for a year. and I've NEVER been pulled over. Not for anything. We've all agreed, he thought he was going to find some kids out past curfew...oops for him. But it gives me a great excuse to get my dad to work on my car. The windshield...broken since I've had the car. It's missing the headliner. Both things he said he'd fix as soon as we got the car...both things neglected. I have no air conditioning. It squeels when I have the heater on in the winter. It miss fires all the time. Sounds like crap...and he says he'll fix it. But never does. I would be more than happy to fix my car...if I could. Or if I had the cash to get it done professionally. There are dents in driverside door. There for awhile, no one could open the passenger door. Someone hit me in the parking lot and never fessed up. It took me with a crowbar...threatening to fix it myself...then my ex-boyfriend showed up...took the crowbar from me...and HE fixed it. But...it's the best car I've had. I've had four. The first one got totalled. The second didn't run. It broke down while my parents were out of town. So I had to drive my dad's beat up truck that eventually broke down. So he bought me this car...about this time last year. I just have no luck with cars. Sigh...So...I got pulled over. No warning...no ticket. Nothing. It was just...extra stress. Dumb. So that was my evening. and the extent of today. I intend on slacking off the rest of the day. Well...the rest of the night. I'll probably go to bed early. Cause I have to get up early...and go to the college bright and early tomorrow! I'm excited...really. It's like...I want to go back to school. I want to see all the people that I've heard are going to the branch. Like my best friend from childhood...I want to see her again. I want to put my good influence back into her life. Because when I left...and when her Grandmother died...she fell apart. I wish I could have been there. So I hope I see her. and that I can set things right again. On top of that...she's got a bunch of my stuff! I really had some sort of point to this. Oh...I'm super busy lately. I have orientation...then my great Grandmothers funeral Tuesday. I'm tired...and...I need to take a nap. Gooday mate!

~If only I had the guts to feel this way.~

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