07-06-00 Thursday


I'm tired. I was up...not late. But late enough. The cat...takes up my whole bed. He stretches out, and cleans himself. So I kick him off. Then he jumps back on. I had to get up early, for my placement tests. I was expecting to be at the college for a lot longer...but I found out once I got there that I didn't have to take the English essay exam. Just the math. and I have to schedule a special time to take the foreign language test. *sigh* and I have orientation next week Monday...College scares me. I was freaked out with having to go alone this morning...I'd never been to the campus...and I thought I'd be hopelessly lost. I always assume the worst. But I got there...and found the right building...the right room. Everything was fine. The exam was...extremely easy. I was shocked. I suck at math. Not just suck. I frickin' SUCK at math. But I don't know. I'm probably wrong. I probably screwed it all up. That reminds me...I mentioned something to my mother the other day...I NEVER thought I would say it...but I miss choir. Not nescessarily choir...but singing. I want to take all sorts of classes like theater and choir at the branch. I'm gonna waste all of my time on extra courses...and not get anything else done. I suppose the theater will help with my major. Directing...well, it's a little different than drama. Anyhow

~Boy I think that I'm in love with you cause I've been doin' silly things when it comes to you.~

So I talked to Andrew. I paged him yesterday...and we talked for about an hour and a half. It was...enlightening. I should really take others feelings into consideration before I attack them. I was ruthless. Mostly because I'm about tired of being...Single Laura. I want to be Happily Settled Laura. Things just don't seem to go that way though. I lost again. But honestly. The effects of rejection just don't seem to bother me as much anymore. I thought it would be awful this time. Since it was Andrew. But it was like, "well, he's too nice to bash. I can't say he's a jerk. He's not. I can't say 'well I can do better' cause it really doesn't get much better." We talked about just...a lot of things. Things I discovered in Kir's journal. About sugarcoating the truth. Things I've noticed lately. Things I'm not sure of. I've noticed...these things that are just...probably my imagination. I don't know. There have been all kinds of...strange coincidences. Nevermind. I definitely need to figure it out. Before I start accusing anyone of anything.

~I am everything you want, I am everything you need. I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be. I say all the right things at exactly the right time, but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why.~

I went in to check into cash today...and turned in my resume. I'm not sure about it though. I mean, it's been...forever, and Gadzooks hasn't called me. So I'm in need of a job. haha funny story...I don't think I ever mentioned Mr. Hottiepants. But I saw him yesterday. Again...ok, the story goes...this guy came to the door selling study guide books. My mother talked to him for about a half an hour. And I had no idea. I was on the phone with Laurie...and I went out on the front porch cause I was waiting for my cousin...(it's confusing I know) so I go out on the porch, and look to the left...I was about to sit on our lovely wicker porch furniture...but I found my mom still talking to this guy. He was beautiful. Long brown/blonde hair, tan, nice teeth...anyhow...I asked if I was interrupting. And they said no. So I get off the phone...just as they were wrapping things up. and I walk inside, grab my mom and say, "WHO was that?!?!" and she's like, "I don't remember his name...but he's a book salesman...it's his summer job. He's from N. Carolina..." oooh. But you know...I was like, "ya that's cool" and she's like, "when you came outside, he looked down, and it sounded like he said 'damn' under his breath. Then he turned like three shades of red." Sure...right. College guy...whatever. But ya. he was good looking. That doesn't mean I'm gonna hunt him down or anything...so I saw him yesterday. Biking around with his little bag o' books. I also happened to pass guess who headed for Nicole's yesterday. None only than Dan the MAN! I mean the total tool. ha...I thought that was funny. I always see him in the strangest places. whatever. I'm still freaking out about school. It's crazy. I need something to do that doesn't consist of thought.

~I see it sitting there, and I think, "no. 5 second rule" I mean, that cookie's still good.~
I love that commercial

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