Don't bother trying to explain...


07-31-03

~and will you tell all your friends you've got your gun to my head...~

I'll say it again as I've said it a million times before. Smokers should not run. Especially not outside when it's 80 some degrees and you're wearing fleece pants and a hoody. I think it might have been worth it this time though. I was in the process of starting this post and finishing my last cigarette when I realized that mom was headed out the door to drop my brother off at his friends house. So I jumped up and ran for the door to catch her and politely ask to pick up another pack of smokes. But by the time I got out the front door, they were pulling out of the driveway. The dog squeezed past me and took off, and I ran for the street in hopes they'd see me and stop. I had to run clear to the side yard before Matt noticed I was huffing and puffing after them. Thankfully I got my request in before it was too late. They left, and I had to coax the dog back into the house. He was stalking the neighbors cat that likes to sleep in our driveway. It's strange that he understands what I say sometimes. I told him it was just a stupid kitty. We have a kitty named Tigger so we should go inside, find Tigger and get some pizza. Key words that he understands are "kitty", "Tigger", "inside", and "pizza". I guess it was convincing because he turned around and headed for the door. *sigh* Sometimes I think our pets run our lives. Anyhow, I had a plan for this and I've just about forgotten what I was going to say. Which is funny because that's exactly what I was going to talk about.

~I could make this obvious and you, you could deny me all in one breath.~

So, I got online to check the classifieds. (since they've finally finished construction on lima news dot com) But I kept getting sidetracked. Mom called me into the kitchen to look at the picture she was hanging, the phone rang...you get the point. So once I finally checked the classifieds, wrote down a few places that are hiring (there really aren't many. It sucks) I attempted to print out some resumes to send in and my printer jammed up. So I fixed that and went in search for envelopes and stamps. Once again, I got sidetracked in the kitchen by my mother. Then I wrapped everything up and put them in the mail. This is when I decided that since the computer was up and running, I should check my mail and stuff. I found a message from Ticketmaster...damn those people. The Juliana Theory is playing soon. But I deleted the message before reading it. There will be no more disappointments when it comes to shows this summer. I won't allow it. It's bad enough I'll miss Warped Tour. I really wanted to hit up lollapolooza this year too. (oh incubus) But I can't. So, anyhow, I checked up on the Mraz's online journal to find a new entry (it's always nice because he rarely posts anymore, and I love reading what he has to say. He has the best way of putting things into words.) What was exceptional about this post was that he was talking about having A.D.D. Just how he's so forgetful and gets sidetracked quite easily. Ironic...he says he's been writing himself little notes. But he never remembers to read the notes. So he thinks he needs more notes to remind him to read the other notes...silly boy. I find that to be entertaining. I'm sitting here in front of a desk covered in little notes I scribble to myself. Places to go for a job, bands to check out and songs to download, ideas for posts, plans for the hallway, lists of things I needed for the kitchen. And do I ever go back and check these notes?? Not really. I'll find them 2 weeks later and kick myself in the ass for forgetting something important. I don't know if it's A.D.D. It's more like a lack of organization. In my case at least. I'll get so involved in a project, like the kitchen, that I just put everything else on hold. My room went to the shitter when I was hard at work on redecorating. It took like 2 hours just to sort through everything and put away my laundry. Now the phone is ringing again. I think I'll let mom get it.

~It's girls like you that make me think I'm better off home on a Saturday night with all my doors locked up tight...~

Ah, Basic Menthol Lights...mmm. I'm such a smoker. ugh, so I called Shannon's cell phone last night and left her a message. She hasn't called back. Maybe she forgot to get me that interview. I think I'm giving up on that bullshit. No more depending upon friends to hook me up with a jobby. I said that before though. (shaking my head) Laurie did give me some good suggestions the other day. I guess Cash Land or one of those other stupid check cashing places is looking for help. It's not really my ideal job setting. I'm not an office girl. But hell, you take what you can get when you're in my situation. I'm really getting frustrated. But I have plans. That's right sir! I've got plans. I need to get myself a super job so I can pay off these bills by say...october or november. I want to be out of this house. YA! So I can create even more bills! Woo hoo! Actually, I just need to get out of here again. You can only handle so much you know. Only so much of my dad's bullshit. I'm sure he'll lay off once I get a job but...it was so nice to be able to be out on my own...even though I wasn't technically on my own. I just think it would be even better to have a place that's all MINE! No family, no roommates, no hassle. My stuff, my bills, no complications. M-I-N-E!!! My mom told me a long time ago that she wished she'd had a place of her own when she was my age. She seems to be under the impression that living alone will better prepare you for living with someone else. I agree. Since I've already tried living with someone else...and it definately didn't work out as well as I thought it would. Maybe this would tweak my homemaker skills. So one day...perhaps when I find someone worth moving in with, they won't have to complain that I lack in that department. I don't know. Wishful thinking I suppose. As if I'll ever find anyone worth living with again. (love the negativity!)

~I'm lost in sleep...~

See, I just got sidetracked again. I remembered to update my roaming on my cell phone. So I decided to do it right away before I forgot again. And mom wants me to look at her pictures again...urg. So I'm done then. Because I'll just get reeled in by the refridgerator while I'm out there...sheesh

~I'm so tired of my mood...~

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