07-31-00 Monday


~You are a million miles away~

(Don't Speak -paper journal- 7-29-00)

So after an evening of enlightenment, I've proved myself right once again. Just yesterday I stated that, by the way things were going, Andrew was going to end up...in the same relationship that he was cursing just a few weeks ago. I'm not predicting failure...because then he'll want to prove me wrong. I'm just noticing obvious connections. I went to the drive-in with James, and this girl named Erin. We met up with Goo, Andrew, and the "baby" there. I've been hearing quite a bit about this chick with a kid lately. I should have put things together. But for some reason, I thought Andrew was smarter than that. Goo accidentally spilled the information to me. Even though I was already assuming something was going on with Andrew and this girl. Cause Goo left them alone in his car while he came and chilled with us in the ghetto van. I figured something was up, and when Goo asked me what I was thinking about, he pretty much guessed what it was, and then filled in the blanks. (I don't even have to hassle them for information anymore...they just tell me) Andrew has been "talking" to this 20-something girl who has a baby. Honestly...call me crazy, but this sounds pretty ridiculous to me. I'll even list a few reasons. but I just want to say...even though I'm emotionally biased...any outsider can see this.

#1 She's 20-something and hanging out with high school boys.
#2 She's using Andrew's friends as free babysitters (Goo)
#3 and she's obviously looking for a new daddy (ie $$$)

Ya, so it's mean. But think about it...it still looks like a potential Jerry Springer episode to me.

On today's show, we have 20-something single mothers who con teenage boys into paying the bills.

It's just a little curious. Granted, I've never met her. I don't even know what she looks like. But uh, she must be a knock out. I just don't understand the appealing part. There are too many negative attributes. If I were a guy, this is what I'd see,

-she's obviously NOT a virgin (ewwww)
-so there's a possibility of STD's (double ewwww)
-there's also the baby's daddy (grrrr!)
-and, she's going to be super dependent. (kids are expensive)

That's not TOO much baggage...REALITY CHECK! Anyhow, at first I was a little shocked. Not sure why. I saw it coming. Then I was a little pissed. So I of course blew things out of proportion with my dramatic fit. Then I found myself praying. (then I tried to go to sleep.) OH! but that's it! That was the end of all feelings for Andrew. C'mon! Any guy who would choose a single mother over you...I think you'd get a little pissed too. It's just low. Borderline stupidity. Not only did he accomplish making me feel like dirt...but he spat in my dirtiness, and ground it in with the sole of his shoe. Why should I let him hurt me? I just realized...I DO deserve better. What pisses me off the most is that no one told me. (until Goo did on accident) That's shady.

~Baby set me free, promise misery, I can't take it no more~

I was up that night until 5am. And now, I think I have a cold. That was a horrible night. Don't get me wrong...it wasn't bad at first. We were having fun. But it all went downhill. Once I realized what was going on right under my nose...it's ridiculous. And it was a big deal for about 5 minutes...but now I'm just like...lacking any faith whatsoever in men.

~I choke back each tear that bleeds, I'd rather rest forever in your arms. I'd rather stay here than go, but I know that I should leave.~

So last night, I went to Tyler's birthday celebration. Good food, good friends. That's all you need in life. It was nice to just sit there and know that these are the people that I'm going to know...for a long time. These are the friends that I'm never going to lose. We played with Tyler's little cousins. And when Kir got back, we went to the video store to rent a movie. Funny...Kir hopping around with an air hose between her legs. We rented Mafia! it was...like Scary Movie only without the disgusting parts. I think the worst part was when everyone puked at the funeral. But it was good. I miss just chilling with my good friends. I hadn't done that in awhile. It made me think about what really matters. Not some guy who's messed up in the head. Not some chick with a kid...it's friends. and family.

~and I could never be the apple of your eye~

So it's done. (the andrew thing) I'm through. I was talking to Nicole earlier...and she's like, "I wanna work out!" and I agreed. It's addicting. I've wanted to work out since friday. but I get to later today. You know, I love this computer. (I'm on my parent's computer) they have roadrunner. We will in the back soon. I just wish I could pull up my napster on here. but anyway, I'll get to working on archives.

~he wasn't man enough for me~

BACK
CONFLICTS

Email: holyrevelry@hotmail.com