I'll try not to complain....


07-27-03 Sunday 5:40pm

~I want you to remember everything you said. Every single word...~

Damn, I've been busy. This entire week, I've been putting in 10 hour work days on my mothers kitchen. Last Saturday night, I got bored around 1am so I decided to get started. I washed down all of the walls and plastered nail holes. Mom woke up around 4 or 5 and I filled her in on my plans. Since my parents are hosting some big bbq party on the 7th, and all of their friends are coming from ALL over the states and Canada...I thought it would be nice to finally finish up the majority of our renovation. So I've been working nonstop (with and without help...most of it I've done by myself. Unfortunately, everyone else gets tired and bails on me) All hours of the morning I've been up scrubbing, sanding, painting, etc. It's been nasty back breaking work but....it's made mom happy. I like to make mom happy. She's been jipped for a long time. Sacrificing things that she wanted because of my brother and I...anyhow, enough of that mushy bullshit. It's pretty much done now. There's some last minute touch up painting to do. Hanging up all of her rooster and apple pictures and plates. (ya...all of that work for a "country kitchen" pukegagspew) Then it's on to the hallway. More scrubbing and sanding and painting and hanging of lighthouse nick-nacks. *sigh* But hell, like I said. It makes mom happy. And it's not my house. So I have no say in the decorating themes. One last thing on this topic...just a photo. This is what happens when Laura sands the ceiling. I had to wear this stupid mask...cause I inhaled a lot of the sanding dust. Ended up getting sick anyway. Fucked up my respiratory system...




~Oh chariot, your golden waves are walkin' down upon this face. Oh chariot I'm singin' out loud to guide me. Give me your strength.~

My new favorite...Gavin Degraw. They've been talking about him on the RKOP message board for quite sometime so I finally decided to download some of his stuff. Nice...me likey. I had a moment of weakness earlier today. After going out shopping with the moms for her new kitchen island, I got the grand idea to grill up some beef. Then it started to downpour. So I moved the grill into the garage and cranked the stereo. Rawked out to Godsmack and White Zombie?! Where the hell did that come from? Here I am now, listening to adult contemporary goodness. Soul Degraw piano rock, folky accoustic Mraz, jazzy Maroon 5 rock...and then I turn around and blast anything from Bush, Silverchair, STP, Deftones, Incubus, Sublime, Aerosmith...lately I've been listening to The Counting Crows and Coldplay. The whole time I was working in the kitchen I had the station tuned to booty rap. Hot Hot Heat, AFI, Elliot, Rooney, Brand New, TBS...Who knows.

~Talk to me, dance with me in the spotlight girl...~

So I've been having some weird dreams lately. I don't know if it was last night or the night before I dreamed I was working at this store in the mall. It was a combination of Journey's and Wet Seal...Shannon was there, and Tim??? All I really remember was sitting there and talking to him then waking up in a cold sweat. I can't remember what we were talking about but it must have been good because it was like old times again. He was being sweet and I was hugging him. I wonder what it means. Freud??? Where are you when I need you? There have been a lot of thoughts about Tim lately. I finally sent him that $10...and a letter. But I'm really running out of things to say to him. I can never say what I really want to say...at least not in the right way. I watched Pretty Woman last night. The worst movie pick ever. Pre-story: When I left CT and we said we'd stay together long distance, the plan was to get our lives back together and then he would come back like my knight in shining armor and take me away. Well, towards the end of the movie, he pisses her off. She tells him that all she ever dreamed of was for a knight to come and save her...he says he doesn't think he can do that...yadda yadda. Then she leaves...I wanted to turn it off at that part. Skip the happy ending when he comes to rescue her in his white limo. That part didn't happen for me. But I watched it, and bawled my eyes out.

~I'll forgive you for what you've done if you say that I'm the one. I've had other options too. But all I want is you. Oh your body fits me like a glove and you showered me with words of love...~

Friday night, me, Laurie, Steve, Casey, and Nicole all went out to Thirsty's. Listened to some music, played some pool, got a little tipsy. I came home on the verge of being sloshed and wished we had some alcohol in the house. I just felt like being shit faced. Instead, I took my brother to Arby's...and then fell asleep. I had turned on the computer that night and started a post. But I changed my mind. It's not pretty when I get drunk and start ranting about shit. It probably would have gotten ugly. Anyhow, I got on-line one night and played euchre with some fools on yahoo games. Trying to bone up my skills just in case TJ ever invites me over again. He hasn't called in a week. I don't really blame him though. Last time I was over there, I must have pissed him off pretty good. Either that or he's waiting for me to call him. I might next weekend. Steve was talking about having a kegger out at his mom's. A bonfire...he bought a sledgehammer so he wants everyone to bring something that might be cool to smash. Boys (shaking my head) Speaking of boys...Jesse finally e-mailed me the other day. While mom and I were out today, I found some darts at this outlet store. Thought it would be funny to send them to him. Since the first time I went out there, we went looking for them and couldn't find any. The package says something in some foreign language..."Felice Pasqua!" I also found all kinds of silly old games that had to be from the late 70's. I almost broke down and got one of them to take with me to Laurie's. But I ended up buying a "sparkling pistol" instead. The box is all faded and there's a bunch of chinese writing on it. It looks like they forgot how to spell pistol on the front it says, "Sparking Pist". I thought it was cute. So I'm starting a box of things to send to Jesse. It's going to take a lot of will power not to play with the gun though. I did get a few things for myself. This awesome little wooden carved box and some candles. I got a heart shaped button that says Betty for my jacket! That's fun right...whatever, I'm rambling.

~When it rains it's sure to pour and when I look in your eyes I fear I won't see surprise cause I'm not doubling back and I wonder wonder which one of us is gonna state the obvious. And I wonder if you already know that I gotta let you go. Cause I'm not doubling back now.~

It's storming big time. I guess the candles were a good idea after all. It's probably a good time to get started on the hallway. Or rather, finish up in the kitchen. I was planning on taking a day of rest...but dad was complaining about all this other crap that needs to be done before the 7th. And if I've got the house ripped to pieces blah blah blah. He pissed me off the other day. I was hard at work, painting the kitchen, and he said something rude...the whole time I've been working my ass off in there, he comes in and sits down...then proceeds to tell me what I should have done or what I'm doing wrong. So I told him he should pick up a brush and help. Then he shot back with a, "you should get a fucking job". NOT the right time for a comment like that. I was pmsing...so I threw the paintroller, grabbed my cigarettes and slammed the back door behind me. Walked out into the garage, slammed that door behind me then I screamed at the top of my lungs. He walked out the front door and went out to the workshop. Came back in later and apologized. Something like, "I really do appreciate what you're doing but it's been like 5 months..." No shit! And it's not like I haven't dropped off or faxed 9 million resumes. I haven't had one call yet. It's never been this hard for me to find a job. And it's frustrating. So I guess this has been my way of being productive. My way of venting...I told mom I was going to help her with this when I came home anyways. He did the same thing to my mom the other day. For some reason he seems to think he can say whatever and piss people off as long as he comes back later and quasi-apologizes. Urg, but ya, besides that, it's been nice to spend some time with the family. Ok, I take that back. Dad has been at work or in the shop, Matt has been playing video games or complaining about the paint fumes and getting on my nerves. It's been nice to spend time with my mom. That's what I meant to say. So, it's been a rough week. Good at times. Lots of hard work. Blood, sweat and tears baby! Better get back to it.

~We got the backstage Bettys taking more than they can get they say, "I wanna have your baby!"~

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