5 months and baby names...
07-27-01 Friday
~I'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on.~
So as you can see, today is my 5 month anniversary with Kyle. Still together...through my stupid drama, and through misunderstandings...and even through the great Mike catastrophe. Amazing. I can't believe I've stayed with someone so long. I didn't think it was possible. If you've read the journal, you would know. I've had so many ridiculous boy problems. Ugh. And we're still together. We're happy too. I think that's the best part. (don't you just love listening to me brag about how wonderful my relationship is) don't get me wrong. We've had struggles. And I'm sure there will be more of them. But as of now, I'm the happiest I've ever been with anyone. And I honestly don't think it gets any better. He loves me. And although it may sound silly, we've talked about marriage. He's really different than most boys when it comes to stuff like that. Maybe not...maybe most boys just don't talk about the desire to settle down and have babies. We've been talking about that for awhile now. Some day...not any time soon obviously. (he's still a bit young to be fathering any children. And I'm not ready to get married just yet) Anyhow, my mom said we'd make cute babies together. Not to sound big headed...but we do too. And we sat around and thought of baby names today. We agreed on a boys name. Eli Jonah Meyer. In Hebrew, Eli means "the highest" and Jonah means "peace". That's pretty cool. But we couldn't really find a girls name that we both liked. Lorelei...but no middle name. hahaha I suppose it is a bit silly. But sweet nonetheless.
~Some things can never be explained like how our scars remain the same.~
So I worked with Rodney today. The big district manager. And he basically told me that they were going to go ahead and bump me up to Assistant Manager in training...and we'll see if there's a position open when I turn 20. There's no way I can be an actual AM until I'm 20. It was a long and complicated thing. Kind of...uh...frustrating. He asks all kinds of questions...and gets me all flustered. And I'm trying to be sarcastic and he's just causing tension. So I just nodded my head and agreed. No sense in trying to be witty. But it still means a raise, and good hours. No more wimpy 15 hours a week. No more lame-o minimum wage. So it's all good. There's not much else to say about that. I love working at the store. And I'm happy there. I realized that after orientation for Finish Line. They're really...strict. and it kind of opened my eyes to how good I've got it. Moving on...
~pull his guts out by frustration...be careful you might kill him.~
Found out something funny today. Mike and Meg are official now. That made me laugh. It made me a little sick to my stomach at the same time. They've known each other...a few days...it's just...a big mistake. I was talking to Kory R. I told him that it bothered me. And he asked if it was because I still had feelings for Mike. I don't know how he came to such a conclusion. But let me clarify. Since none of you are in my head, and none of you feel what I feel. I'll explain. I never had feelings for Mike. I was attracted to Mike physically. That I won't lie about. People often mistake simple attraction (lust or some other word that I can't think of right now.) for actual passion or mental attraction. But as for...looking at him as a long term thing...or finding things in common with him that were powerful enough to cause an attraction more than physicality...no. I never had feelings like those for Mike. He was ok to talk to. And I never thought his friendship would be a problem. He and I didn't really connect (in my opinion obviously not his) in any way beyond a "hey I think you're good looking." type of way. Honestly, I think the music he listens to would have sent me into some sort of psychotic episode. And his lack of respect for the word 'no' would have pissed me off. It did piss me off. It's completely obnoxious. And now I'm finished Mike bashing. I wonder what's holding up his reply to my hate mail?!?! Maybe I pissed him off so much that he's speechless. hmm...the truth hurts.
~blame myself for pulling you apart. I guess this is the only way.~
I was surprised that Nicole called and invited me to go get food with them tonight. I figure...either she hasn't read the last entry...or she didn't take offense. I didn't mean to sound so offensive. I tend to do that. It's hard to understand what someone means just by reading their words. The whole thing with Nicole...is that she switches sides too much. One minute, she's all about me and Mike hooking up. Then she's all upset because he was pushing WAY too much. I told her basically everything that I discovered about him...and now she's all gung ho about him and Meg. If I were such a friend to this girl, I wouldn't be so...ok with it. After it all happened...she was glad that I decided to stay with Kyle. (or at least that's what she told me) and Mike was an ok friend and all. But he's got some serious issues. I just don't see any logic. I don't hate Nicole. And I'm not mad. I just don't understand the way the girl thinks. But anyhow, since I have to take my car to the...place where they fix cars tomorrow. Bright and early. I think I'm through for the night. hey! 3 updates this month! holy crap!
~I say your name when I fall, when I hit the bottom...~
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