Death to Work

07-27-00 Thursday (dedicated to 2% you know who you are)

Ok, this isn't going to be easy. But I'm starting with my whole week. It will be easier understood this way.

-I started my new job. and found it to be...like the best job ever. I was totally in awe that I had this awesome job. Thanking the Lord.
-I got a memebership to Body Genics. Nicole and I were not only going to work together...but work out together. It would have been great.
-I invited the boys to come over last night. Because I hadn't seen all of them in awhile. Kinda missed them...
-Got a phone call this morning. Cried for 2 hours at least.
I'll elaborate.

~Sorry I'm not home right now. I'm walking in the spiderwebs...~

So I was talking to James. He made plans to swim and stay the night at Goo's house with Andrew and Matt. Or at least that's what I'd assumed. I invited them over. Cause the only friend I've seen all week is Nicole. And I missed Goo and Andrew. I hadn't seen them in awhile. (since I cooked breakfast) So James said that maybe he'd stop by. They did. Matt and James did. Then MAtt left James at my house. He had to pick up Michelle and meet a bunch of people at his house. So I talked to James. For 2 hours...about how stupid Andrew is. Because as soon as i get over him...I hope he doesn't decide he made a mistake...because I won't like him again. It's far too much to get over him. It hurts. I HURT! I'm in pain. Questioning myself...and questioning him. I shouldn't have to do that. and I've noticed how oddly close Kirsten and my problems are. (shakes head) I don't know if she even reads this...or if she's noticed the similarity. Anyhow. We argued (James and I) about how dumb this whole thing is. It's awful. Goo came back...and I finally got to meet Michelle. She's not so bad after all. I thought...16 yr. old cheerleader girlie...but she's actually pretty nice. I'm proud of Matt. The first thing I said when we went outside was that I hate Andrew. And Michelle asked why. James and Goo chime in with, "she doesn't" and I said, "I don't" But I'm trying to. I don't want to like him anymore. I'm sick of being shamelessly obsessed with stupid boys. I try so hard to be what they want. And I forget all about the fact that I'm just me. I can't be someone else...so then I'm myself...and I don't feel good enough. It's D-U-M-B!

~Oh I'm just a girl! Lucky ME! tweedle dumb there's no comparison.~

So they left...and I sat alone...thinking about how stupid I am. And how dumb Andrew is...and it's jsut not helping at all. James tried. Really he did. And it didn't seem like it was helping...but he's good comfort. He gave me a wonderful hug before they left...and I felt...better. a little. But we (-I-) decided that if James ever becomes a rappper, his name has to be 2%. hahaha. It's a long story. and we broke the rule...I can't help it. I can't be around him without giving him a good thumping. He deserves to be smacked around. Really. I beat him up like I would beat up my little brother. If my little brother was bigger. I can't help that. anyhow...I went to bed. No James...I didn't cry.

~You're by yourself. All by yourself! There's no one else. You're by yourself.~

I am so sore. My neck and arms...it hurts. I need a good massage...but. NO! There's no one to give me a massage.

So I woke up this morning. Because my mom came in and got me up. There was a phone call from my boss. Jim tells me that something happened with the district manager...and he said that Jim could hire me...but Jim found out this morning that he couldn't hire me. I thought everything was done. I was hired. Half trained...then


POOF!


No job. No money to pay for gym membership. No money to pay for car insurance, and multiple repairs. No money to save for college. Nothing. Zip! Zilch! It's gone. that simple. I cried for hours. Nicole called...to reassure me that we would find a new job for me. WE. That makes me cry even more. (I'm crying now) Because I haven't had a friend like her in SO long. She's there for me. It's crazy. We spend so much time together. Before, it was me...and them. Now everyone has split up. And Nicole and I are really close. It's insane. But I'm glad to have her. And my mom...is being an angel. She's offered to pay for things still. and even this membership. It's crazy. SO I have to go out and get a new job. I guess the Lord just has better things in store for me. I hope.

~You set my soul at ease~

So here I sit...jobless...debts falling from the sky...and I can still see the bright side of things. I'm trying to at least. It's all good. I'm sure things will work out in the end.

~10,000 life times together~

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