07-19-00 Wednesday


Ahem May I have your attention please?!?!

I am officially sexually frustrated. Is that possible? To be single...and a virgin...(in, for the most part, EVERY way)...and sexually frustrated??? If so...then I am. I decided that this morning. I told Goo. The boys came over for breakfast...it was enjoyable. I have such a good time with them. We lounged on the porch (probably woke up my neighbors) and they ate...I was half asleep. I was...doing quite a bit to hold myself back. See...Andrew and James decided to walk across the street to the cement place...so I took that time to explain to Goo how much I wanted to floor Andrew. That's awful. This was the conversation...or close to it.
me: I'm sitting over here...and he's over there, and I"m holding back so much. I mean, I could floor him right now. I'd snap that boy in half.
(now these are things that I just don't say)
Goo: (laughs) I'd like to see that (referring to the fact that I'm tiny compared to Andrew)
me: (laughs) Ya. I'd be like, 'say my name BITCH!'
more laughs...then James and Andrew walked up fron the side of the house which makes me wonder just how much of the conversation they heard.

~ladies leave your man at home, the club is full of ballers and they pockets full grown~

So ya...they were playing around...and Goo decides it would be fun to pick up a large cement stepping stone and make Andrew catch it. He did...but scraped the crap out of his arm. I of course went straight into mommy mode...I wanted to run in the house and get the anteseptic spray and a bandaid...but he said he was fine. Even though he held his arm from that time until they left. Right before they took off, we all were gathered around the cars...and I saw it had started to bleed (his arm) so I offered to get a bandaid again. but NO! He's too much of a man. So I offered to kiss it and make it better...this was my mistake. Because then I realized how much I wanted to do just that. So when it seemed as though he WANTED me to...I backed off. Not because I didn't want to...but because I was afraid that I would be able to contain myself. He sticks out his bottom lip...and whimpers...and I just...ya. I was 2 seconds from animal instinct. And I don't want things to be that way. Anyhow...they left. and I came in...and slept until 5:30 in the afternoon.

~I always have to steal my kisses from you~

So I wake up...and find phone messages from Nicole...and Chris of all people. Guess what?!?! he and Heather broke up again...I guess right after he got off the phone with her...he called me. I don't understand why everytime he breaks up with his girlfriend...he calls me. It's just wrong. He calls because I listen to his problems. I told him flat out that Heather only breaks up with him so she can cheat on him...guilt free. It's ridiculous. Their whole realtionship is based on...nevermind! I'm tired of it. and honestly...he said, "I almost did something stupid." In other words...he almost came over here again. That's the LAST thing I need. We all know what happened the last time he and Heather broke up. ya...I'd rather not think about that. He always seems to come around. When I'm having problems with guys...and the vulnerability is through the roof. I mean...I cooked for them! For Pete's sake! What's wrong with me??? I want to be with Andrew. Like no one would believe. But he doesn't feel the same way. But then he's practically begging (ok...not begging) me to kiss his boo boo. and I'm getting all...crazy about it. UGH! I give up.

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