07-14-00 Friday (or at least I think so)

Today's topic

MR. HOTTIE PANTS



But I'll get to that in a little bit. First...the funeral. It was...bad. It turned into a big fight. I mentioned possibly working at Check into Cash, and my Aunt threw a fit. It's her competition! Well God forbid I get a job. That pays decent and has awesome hours. No cause EVERYTHING is ALWAYS about her. I thought I was selfish...but I mean. I understand. It is her competition. But to be absolutely honest...it's not like I'm going to be taking her customers. ya...whatever. I'm tired of fighting with her about stupid bullcrap. Onward...THEN I pissed off my mom. I didn't mean to. I made a smartass comment...but I do that all the time. It pissed her off because other people heard it. So ya. I'll take the blame for this one. Anyhow, I ended up pissing myself off. You know. I can't do ANYTHING right! Dammit! Then I cried...at my great grandmother's funeral...I cried...because I can't do anything right. So I talked to my cousin about it. I never get to see her anymore. Living in Indianapolis...she's too far away. And it was just...good to have her around to talk to again. and Joe (her boyfriend) was cool about it. Even though he's the best when it comes to insulting me...he's still an ok guy I suppose. We ended up going to Wooden Shoe Chicken (it's a Minster thing...which makes it a German thing. Which makes it a family thing I guess) I got to spend extra time with Kiersten...so ya. The rest of the day was...boring. We came home...I fell asleep on the couch. Big Party! (only no)

~A selfish kinda life~

So on Wednesday...I don't exactly remember what I did. Nicole called me. Several times. Oh! my mother decided to rent me movies. Because she rented videogames for my brother. She thought since I'd asked her about it before they left...and in fact, I was going to join them. But they took off. Obviously not wanting me to go. She comes back...with a movie I've already seen. (she watched it with me for cryin' out loud) and another movie...about crazy people. Let's just say I wasn't very nice about it. It just pissed me off. Because she knew I wanted to go. And left without me on purpose. She knows it pisses me off when she rents games for Matt, and then fights with me when I ask to rent movies. It makes absolutely NO SENSE! Moving on. Yesterday, is dedicated to Mr. Hottiepants. I saw him. Twice! It was...a sign from Heaven (please take this as a joke.) We were on our way to pick up Matt's friend Troy...(I went because we had to return videos...and get GOOD movies) So ya...I look up, (driving down Resevoir Rd.) and I see a train...but then I look over and see Mr. Hottiepants on his pretty red mountain bike! I screamed. "Ahhh it's Mr. Hottiepants!" My mom jumps and looks over but we'd already passed him. I freaked out. Troy started asking a bunch of stupid questions. Mom's like, "He must have something for you." She's all..."you only meet people for a reason. If you have something for them...or if they have something for you." It's one of those great concepts she got out of a book. I agree to an extent. But then I'm like, "ya mom whatever. I've run into him like 4 times now. If he's got something...he must not be to interested in giving it away." Then...we come home. I rented Drive Me Crazy, Fight Club, and American Beauty. So I get through the first two. And I'm in the middle of watching American Beauty. My mother...who watched the end of Drive Me Crazy, and Fight Club with me...went somewhere...then she comes back in the room and says, "You'll never guess who's in front of our house! MR. HOTTIEPANTS!!!" So I jump up and go in my room, change shirts. Run out the front door, see him standing there talking to some little kids on bikes...realize I have no reason to be outside, run back in, grab my car keys, and a necklace, run back out...he's gone. I lose again! How hopelessly pitiful am I??? Twice in one day...that's just insane. Speaking of insanity...I watched Girl, Interrupted on Wed. (that was the other movie) and now I think that I may just be nuts. I don't know. Probably not. But a girl can dream right. I have no reason to have this crush on a book salesman from...was it N.Carolina??? Something like that. He's only here for the summer. I've never even talked to him. but he's beautiful. His hair is...so nice. (hahaha) this is ridiculous. I should be calling Andrew and bothering him. I should be making plans with him...causing him to question himself...but no. I'm off watching rented videos, and stalking some random guy that I've never had a conversation with. I am absolutely stupid.

~I wanna love you forever, and this is all I'm asking of you.~

Ultimately, I think I'm being childish. With this stupid girlie crushes...and everything revolving around silly boys. It's...not right. I have priorities. Currently...#1 is Get a frickin' job. Then #2 is get ready for school. But boys are #3 and that's just not right. I'm trying...to avoid the idea. and I'm failing. Quickly...But you know...that's ok. Maybe I'll end up with someone after all. I'm still waiting for that Knight in shining armor though...he's pretty late.

~If only I had the guts to feel this way~

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