Forget me it's that simple...


07-09-03

~And I wish you weren't worth the wait cause there are some things I'd like to say to you. Cause I don't think that you know what you've been missin'. And I dare you to forget the marks you left on my neck from those nights we were both found at our best. Now I could make this obvious. and you could deny me all in one breath....cause I don't think that you know what you've been missin'.~

So I went through all my crap...found a ton of shit to sell on e-bay. A bunch of jewery. That'll be easy to sell and ship out. I even found all the original paperwork for that fossil watch. It's been worn like twice...I still have the tin, the warranty, the instruction manual and the tags. I found two cameras, a minirecorder...ya. A bunch of unnecessary shit that I no longer want or need. Once my mother is finished with her tetris game, we're going to set up an account and do it up. I'm excited. I want to see how much I can get out of all of this...especially the stereo and the Playstation which I have officially decided to sell.

~get up get up c'mon c'mon let's go.~

Music of choice today = Taking Back Sunday. I needed a change of pace. Something more upbeat to pick me up when I'm down. Had a REALLY bad day yesterday. Ended up over at Laurie's last night. Had to steal the minivan again with the promise that I would pick mom up a pack of smokes. Which wasn't a problem because I got to stop in BP and see Mr. McHottie. HA! I had to use my credit card...and I handed him my card and my license. I know I've shown him my license before...I was carded the first couple of times I went in there and asked for cigarettes. But I watched him inspect my license. Probably looking for my name. Even though I was wearing pajamas...no make up...ponytail...ya. It wasn't very pretty. I didn't think so but Nicole informed me that I always look the same. I guess I never really realized that since I've been taking care of my skin properly, I don't really need make up anymore. I used to wear it because I broke out all of the time. I don't anymore. I have great skin. That was always one of my biggest insecurities. I haven't been wearing it lately because I don't really go out and do anything of importance. That's probably helped a lot. I could throw on some powder to stop the shine. Some eyemakeup because I think I have killer eyes. (no, I'm not feeding myself compliments...it's just the only thing I ever liked about my face) And I'm good to go. No more 20 pounds of coverup and foundation. I don't need it anymore. I've finally escaped puberty!!! No more zits for Laura! I was taking a test once on thespark dot com. Don't remember which one but it asked "if you could change anything about your physical appearance, what would it be?" Then there was a multiple choice list of things to pick from. Well at the end of the test, it tells you how many people have taken it and what they chose. Over half of the population said their face. That's insane to me. I'm 21 years old...21 years of knowing who I'm going to see when I look in the mirror...I couldn't change that now. I'm comfortable knowing that I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm happy with it.

~my homeboys tried to warn me but that butt you got makes me me me so horny!~

Talking to Ben...getting distracted. Sometimes I wonder about him. His obsession with claiming I have aids and sars. It worries me. I tried to invite him to come to Detroit with me...but he said no. See, this is why I cut him off. He only wants what he wants when he wants it. And dammit, I don't want that. He likes to use the fact that I can be quite gullable to his advantage. So he told me that he has a mohawk...so I asked when that happened and he said after he got his nipples pierced and before he got a misfits tattoo on his arm...okay. So I believed him for a split second before he said he was joking. Ugh.

~Go on and hold her til the screamin is gone. Go on believe her when she tells you nothin's wrong. But I'm the only one who'd walk across the fire for you...~

So I was really sick last night. Came home from Laurie's with a wicked bad headache (there I go with the east coast slang again. I thought I kicked that habit). Ya, killer kung fu headache. It beat my ass last night. Because it gradually got worse and worse until I got a slight fever and felt like I was going to vomit. It was a really sad sight. Me, sitting in the bubble bath behind the curtain, pouring my heart out to my little brother and bawling uncontrollably. I just had a bad day. But it's good to know that when you need them, your family is always there for you. It helps to have friends who will listen to you bitch about every little detail of stupidity that you're going through too. Laurie was really there for me last night. I can't say how much I really appreciate it. But I do. And she reads this so, Laurie, you're the shit! ya, I'm gonna work on that shit for e-bay. Oh boy! Exciting.

~I spend every hour waiting for a phonecall that I know will never come. I used to think you were the one now I'm sick of thinkin' anything at all. You aint never comin back to me. That's not how things were supposed to be. Tear my hair. Just give it back. No other lover has ever done that. Do you remember the way we used to melt? Do remember how it felt when I touched you. Oh! Cause I remember very well...And how long has it been since someone you let in has given what I gave to you? And at night when you sleep do you dream I would be there. Just for a minute or two do you? You aint never comin' back to me...I called to let you know I'm through with you. I aint never comin' back to you.~

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