With or without you...
07-05-03 4:24am (edited 07-05-03 7pm)
~I can't live with or without you.~
So I was a bit buzzy/hung over last night when I typed this. I've decided to edit because not only did I leave a ton of things out, I read the post over again and it's just horrible. So here it goes.
~No doubling back now.~
I know I wasn't going to drop names anymore...but I had another stupid drunken night...so before I regret posting this, I'm gonna do it. So...Laurie and Steve picked me up around 7 o'clock last night. We went back to their house and hung out for awhile. Of course it started pouring down rain as Nicole and Casey were moving the last of their furniture into the house. We were planning on walking over to the park to watch the fireworks but since it was storming (lightning and thunder...tornado sightings) we heard that they were going to cancel the big event. Steve still wanted to go over there even while it was pouring but just as we were getting ready to go, his sister called. She ran out of gas. So all of us piled in Nicole's car and saved Steve's sister. When we got back, we noticed that they must have decided to set the fireworks off anyway. So we all walked over to the old high school in the rain. Well, I was starting to get really tired of being the 5th wheel as always. So once they finished up exploding things, I walked back to the house alone and called Rob, Adam, AJ and even TJ. Rob was with Laura (I guess they're getting back together...I don't know) Adam had a ton of people over at his grandma's house including Eric and AJ. But he said they might stop by later once the crowd cleared. I waited and waited and waited. Finally called AJ. He's like, "oh ya, we just ordered a pizza. And we're watching a movie. We might come over when we're done." ok, I am officially deciding that someone HAD to have told AJ. He knows. I know it. I'm over it. Seriously...I just needed to occupy my brain with someone else for a minute. It's ok now. Forget about it. Ya, he's a cutie. But he's like a little brother. That's ew. Then I called TJ. He was at work until 1am but he said there was a party at Matt's house and I should go later.
~Waitin' on a Sunday afternoon for what I read between the lines...~
Once that was done, we grilled some meat on the bbq and sat around until Laurie passed out on the couch, Nicole and Casey decided to go to bed and THEN Adam called me back. He and Eric came over (of course AJ didn't show. I think he's scared of me now) while Steve and I were playing Sega tennis. I mentioned something about Matt's party and they were all for it. As we were walking out of the house, this cop pulls up and stares at Adam's truck that he had smoothly parked right in front of a no parking sign. I looked at Adam and said, "you better move your truck quick." So he runs out and takes off while the cop makes a left, goes around the block and speeds back past the house after Adam. Luckily, the cops trip around the block gave Adam enough time to get his ass around the block and back to the house to pick up Eric. That's why I rode with Steve. Even though he was drunk. So we went to Matt's. We get there and the first person I see is Pat. He says, "is that....Laura?! Laura! what's up!" So that was a wonderful way to be greeted. There were a few people chillin' outside in the garage and a TON of people inside hanging out in the kitchen. From what I decifered while listening in to a few conversations, TJ (the one who invited me) had been there, but he left. And it had something to do with Pat's girlfriend cause she kept saying shit about it. There were so many people there. Some guy came out into the garage and looked at me and said, "I know you." I didn't recognize him so I asked from where. He said, "you're the Journey's chick. I remember walking in there one day and you were standing on a chair. So I said, 'damn, you must have a pretty cool manager if he let's you stand on chairs and shit.' and you were like, 'haha, I am the manager.' I thought that was pretty fuckin' awesome." Colin, this kid who started working at Gadzooks on my last day. He was pretty cool. I talked to him from Journey's quite a bit. We used to play shoe stuffing soccer back and forth between the two stores. He said, "hey! I thought you moved away." I guess he didn't hear all the gossip that went around the mall about me coming back. This girl who was in my teen theater group like 8 years ago was there. Allison...I think she dated Matt for awhile. This one guy was so familiar...I swear I knew him from somewhere. No one said his name but he looked like a grown up version of a kid I hung out with when I was in elementary school. Joey something...I could swear it was him. I should have said something but I got stuck in the garage watching Adam do card tricks. Natalie (from TJ's party a couple weeks ago) was there...calling everyone a fucker and beating the shit out of everybody. I love Natalie. People popped in and out of the garage (that's where the beer was) Everytime I turned around, Pat was asking to borrow my lighter.
~As you move to look at me I lose cause I look away. Cause you could never be just plain ol' lookin' at me. So I turn to confirm and sure your smile is the same.~
Sometimes I wonder about him. When I was...whatever. Hanging out with TJ. Everytime I went over there, TJ would be running around the apartment and I would sit there and talk to Pat. Sometimes I think I talked to Pat MORE than TJ. It's funny like that. When I went over to their apartment...whenever that was...last weekend. The weekend before that. Pat and his girlfriend were fighting all night. Call me crazy cause I know I tend to notice things that I shouldn't. But I'll look up and find Pat staring at me. Maybe he's not looking at me. Maybe he's staring off into space. (space being the equivalent of my general direction) Maybe he just thinks I look funny and he's trying to figure out what it is. So tonight at Matt's, I noticed it again. We were all standing around the kitchen...Pat's propped up on the counter with his girlfriend sitting between his legs...I look up and he's staring at me. What is the mother fucking deal? Standing out in the garage, I turn around and he's staring at me. Half the time I'm tempted to say something like, "WHAT THE FUCK IS UP PAT?!?!" but no. I just got curious...so later while Natalie and I were smoking outside, I asked her why TJ had left. She said something happened not too long ago (just last week I think) involving Pat's girlfriend and TJ. I guess Pat wasn't home and his girlfriend was there...somehow she was in TJ's bedroom? I don't know. He went in there and told her she had to get out. But she didn't. He sat down on his bed and she was all over him or something. So TJ told Natalie about it later that night because he didn't know what to do and Natalie told him that he should tell Pat. When he did, Pat's girlfriend tried to say that it was Natalie who was all over TJ?? I can understand why it would be hard for Pat to pick sides but honestly, why would TJ lie about something like that? So now there's all kinds of tension at the apartment. Pat's girl is there all the time and it makes TJ uncomfortable. He didn't know that she was going to be at Matt's either. So when he got there and found out she was, he got pissed off and left. Natalie's like, "I don't know what the hell that girl was thinking. Pat deserves so much better." I tend to agree with Natalie on that one. I don't know the whole story cause I wasn't there but damn. That's just too much drama. Bros before hoes Pat! Think about it! Who do you have to live with when it's all said and done? Anyhow, I don't know if he's just thinking maybe he needs to find someone to reap a bit of revenge on her ass or what. Maybe that's why he was staring at me. It's just another unsolved mystery. Adam, Eric and I were standing around inside (trying to get a glimpse of this guy who supposedly wacked off on some girl in her sleep at Matt's last party) I turn around because someone was tapping me on the shoulder...sure enough, it's Pat asking for my lighter once again. This time I made him trade me for a smoke. (I had run out...and he smokes my brand). Now that's how you do it!
~This love has taken it's toll on me...~
Adam and Eric took off pretty early. They missed witnessing a Brian sandwich, Matt backin' that thang up, and Pat losing my lighter. All of those people weird me out. They're all a little too touchy with each other. No wonder there's so much controversy over who's messing with whos girl/guy. It's giving me a headache just thinking about it. Once again, Pat asked to borrow my lighter. So I tossed it to him. But when he went to toss it back at me, it fell WAY short (he was seriously drunk). So it hit the ground and rolled under one of the two lawn mowers. He tried to find it back for me. He dug through some shit, tripped and just about fell and then gave up. It's just a lighter. I have about a million but I thought I'd razz him about it. Then I looked over and it was sitting there in plain sight. He obviously couldn't see it for his beer goggles. So I retrieved it on my own. Crazy drunken madness. That's all I have to say about that.
~Things just get so crazy. Livin' life gets hard to do and I would gladly hit the road. Get up and go if I knew that someday it would lead me back to you.~
Not too long after that, Steve decided to go. A nice car ride home. He had a massive case of the hiccups and attempted to tell me a story about some cop threatening to monkey stomp him while he was in Kentucky last week. If you happen to know what exactly a monkey stomp is, tell me. I'd like to know. Yup. So I'm tired as hell. Now since I've edited this, I can confirm my "sleep til all hours tomorrow" statement. I slept until 5pm. Just talked to TJ on IM. He's invited me over tonight. I honestly don't know why. But that's something that I know better than to talk about here. When we were hanging out before, he got pissed off about things I said here. So, no more of that. He's a friend, and I respect that.
~love is a brittle madness. Sing about it and know my sadness.~
You know, I'm still wondering if Tim got my letter yet. Hmmm (<- that's me wondering) I messaged him last night on that datenation site. Honestly, I don't remember what I said. But curiosity gets the best of me always. So I'll probably call him Monday or Tuesday to see if he got my letter. To see what he has to say. If he doesn't want to speak to me, fine. Just send me my stuff. And if he's cool then great! I'm gonna hop in the shower. I might go to TJ's tonight. I might not. It depends on if I feel like it and if I can steal the minivan. I hope everyone had a great 4th of July. I'll leave you with a quote from Nicole. "HEY! We're independent! Let's blow some shit up!"
~Go on and try it. Do not deny yourself your freedom.~
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