01-23-01 Tuesday

~for though I cannot fly I'm not content to crawl...~

I made a list. How silly is that? I made a list of things I wanted to talk about in this entry. Cause I had time to make a list, and I had to make sure I remembered everything. For starters, Lisa and I got in a bit of a scuffle. I expected it to be honest. After mentioning Brad an awful lot in the last entry, I figured she'd say something. I didn't think it would be so...rough. It wasn't THAT bad. But she was upset. And she said some things. I understand it though, and I deserved it. I shouldn't have voiced my opinions at all. But I'd rather be open about it than hide it...it makes me feel like worse of a person to keep things from people. But I assured her that in no way am I "out to get her man". I'm not trying to pursue anything with Mr. Roll. And I won't. To be ABSOLUTELY honest, I don't think Brad is very interested anyway. He seemed pretty indifferent. I don't know. That's my jumping to conclusions. UGH I need to quit that.

~How do we wind up this way? Watchin' our mouths for the words that we say...~

I actually had a bit of a talk about the fight with Chris in the lobby on Monday morning. (the fight took place over the weekend. On Spark...go figure...it was like a messaging fight.) Anyhow, he said he didn't want to be involved at all. I don't blame him for that one. I tried to explain...and he knows...I tend to announce that I find LOTS of guys attractive. Whether on here, or in the lobby, or at work. I do it all the time. So I didn't understand why Lisa thought Brad was something special. I assume it's because he is...or was special to her. She's claimed that her crush isn't so severe anymore. But ya, Chris seems to think that it was the whole on-line journal. He thinks it's stupid. I find it a good way to not only vent but inform all my friends that I don't see very often of various events going on in my life. And if random people happen to stumble across it, then they can be entertained. On top of the fight, I found out that I had a hole in my radiator. (non-fixable) Since fixed...that happened on Monday. Then I picked up Rob and we went shopping. He was bored. I was tired of sitting at home. I tend to be shopper-friendly when I've got problems. I spend more money. I decided it was a good time to spoil myself a little. So I bought a shirt, and the Ninedays cd. It's a really good one. It's all I've listened to. So my trip with Rob helped me settle my thoughts on what I should be doing about Jon. And I think I've been taking him for granted. I mean...it's not everyday that such a nice guy comes around. And with all these stupid guy stories...why not narrow it down to one stupid guy story. Sounds like a plan. Moving on.

~you carry your blues behind your eyes. Don't flatter yourself I will survive.~

So I was sick ALL weekend. That was wack. I slept and watched tv. Took cold medicine...and slept. I didn't go to work on Saturday. (that's a very rare thing) I seriously laid there...on the couch ALL weekend. terrible...but I'm getting better. Still have a bit of the cough. It's going away slowly. That's what happens when you go to the branch...diseases are passed. Chris had it the other day...so I'm guessing he possibly passed it to me. I don't know how it happened. But my brother has it now. (hehehe) So I went to class today. Expecting Lisa not to talk to me. I'm walking up the path to Reed hall this morning, and I hear someone yell my name. So I turn around and there she is. She caught up, and it was like nothing happened. Now I don't understand this completely. Maybe she understood me. Maybe she decided a boy is stupid to fight over. *shrugs shoulders* But we went to history and it was the same. Took way too many notes in history. Then out to the lobby. Now here's todays shocker. We were all sitting there. Chris came in...I was hungry so I got a sammich from the ria. (saw Danae and Kyle P down there. It was strange...but cool. I'm excited that they're there. Maybe I'll join them for lunch sometime.) But I ate my sammich, and then Lisa and Chris decided they were hungry, and they were going to go out to eat. They invited me...but I had to study for my poetry essay. Plus I'd already eaten. So I stayed behind and let them have some personal time. It was cool. Sometimes I enjoy sitting alone in the lobby. But for some reason, I was bothered. hmm. maybe Sterns. (i don't get it. but the boy just gets on my nerves.) I had my headphones on. He and Oz were sitting there talking. I was ignoring them. No big deal. So I'm reading something. (poetry...) and I hear bits and piecesof conversations between tracks on my 9days cd. it switches over to the single...that story of a girl song...and I guess I had it up a little loud cause the next thing I know, Oz busts out with, "this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world." but the song only got half way through that part cause I skip it. (it's getting old. they play it on the radio too much) So he was just singing it by himself. And Sterns is laughing. I don't know...but it was kind of annoying knowing that they were paying attention to what I was doing. I was off in my own little zone, and people knew what I was listening to. It's my fault. I turned the volume down after that. I ended up just putting it away. It was almost time for chorus anyway. So this Sean kid. The skinny one who I think is good looking...well I'm not so sure about that one. He's a little weird. Maybe it's just cause he doesn't really talk much. And I remember thinking he looks like Stevie. Well a little...but not really at all. He's tall and skinny...has brown hair but that's about it. He's got the silliest grin though. We got into a discussion about baths vs. showers. I guess Jared is obsessed with baths. Dave said he doesn't like to sit in his own filth...I said it's easier for me to just hop in the shower in the morning cause it helps me wake up. But I do enjoy an occasional bath. And Sean sat there and laughed most of the time. I don't remember him giving an opinion. odd. yes.

~don't you know that I go crazy...but I've nothing left to give. though I'll miss you for awhile don't you know that I go crazy.~

Ya. The one posse member that I'm cool with...that actually speaks to me. Is Big D. Even though I don't think I consider Dave an official Posse member (for the simple fact that his name is neither Chris or Brad...although, there's only one Brad left b/c Custis went to Guatamala...so should Brad be a Posse member?) I think all those boys are. Sterns, Sherrick, Chris, Brad, Oz, Dave etc. That's the majority. Then there's this new guy...Asian...he's a bit strange. He says hi to me when I see him in Galvin (usually after poetry). But I don't even know his name. I suppose he's being nice cause we ARE in choir together. But he doesn't talk to me any other time. There are others who sit in the lobby. Like Derek and Annie. Their situation has got me confused. Annie wants Derek...but he's obsessed with some girl who he's been dating (casually) for quite some time now. Dave is the mediator...and I don't think he even knows what's going on. KC (she's going out with Sterns) and Kristen (aka Nala but to be honest, I don't really mind her so much anymore.) There are more than that even. Sheesh. Maybe it shouldn't be the Chris and Brad Posse, it should be titled The Lobby Posse, and we should all be members. Anyhow, I'm tired and I'm going to stop this now. Next time I update, it'll prolly be to archive for the month and put up a new band o' the month (I'm thinking ninedays) Hopefully I can get this animal thing down by theatre tomorrow morning. We have to 'be an animal'. I decided on mouse, but it's slowly evolved into a clumsy bunny. (don't ask) This involves lots of nose twitching and aimless hopping. I look like a fool. But I think that's the point of this exercise. Making a fool out of yourself in front of a somewhat large group of your peers. That's good fun. But I need to practice. Then go to bed. Maybe drink some more juice. mmm hmmm.

~and it's so sad. You're so good and I'm so bad. but you won't see me wasting the best thing I ever had~

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