01-15-01 ~15th Tuesday of January the year of our Lord 2001~

~I'm free. Single, sexy and sweet. Makin' my own money.~

You know what's so sad...the guy who played Q.T. McKnight on that made for MTV movie 2gether died. He was 16. I guess he was struggling with Hodgkin's disease. It made his lungs really weak. He was hospitalized early in December for pnemonia. I'd never even heard of this disease until Michael J Fox came out with it. But ya. hmm, let's move on to a lighter subject.

~would I be out of line if I said I miss you...~

So it's been a slow slow day. It felt like forever sitting there mostly by myself in the lobby. I mean, there were people there. But I rarely talk to anyone. I just had a lot on my mind. No matter how much I don't want to think about things, I do. Like this situation with Jon. I thought that if I ignored it, it would get better or just go away. But it's just dinking around in my head tick tick ticking away. I can't STOP thinking about it. So Lisa and I went down to the Ria and I got a salad. It's better than what I usually eat. So I took that back to the lobby and sat around listening to the gossip. That's always fun. Annie told Big D about this letter she wrote to Derek. Not really surprising that she likes him. She comes in all, "Dave I need to talk to you." and he's like, "about what? Does it start with a D and end with an erek?" That was pretty funny. Like I said before, it wasn't surprising. But I got into a conversation with Lisa about the Jon thing. She didn't really have much to say except that I'm lucky he's not following me around and calling. (like that guy Nate that she was dating) Ya. But if we never even talk, how am I supposed to know if I like him...it's just so frustrating. After Lisa left for math, I sat and wrote some more poetry. I've been writing a lot lately. A lot of beating myself up with words. Definitely helping the ego. (cough) Anyhow, Annie and Derek left leaving me alone in the lobby. Seriously alone this time. Then in strolls this guy who's in choir. I didn't really know his name until today. But he came in and they were getting ready for the noon series program in the auditorium. That's when some people from out of town come in to play music, and little kids and old people come to see it. Which also brings nazi lady. She stands at the auditorium doors and tells everyone in the lobby to shut up. This guy comes in, sits down...and I'm sitting there...lounging on the couch, trying to think of words...and clicking my pen. clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick. I thought it would get on his nerves and told him that if it bothers him he should throw something at me. Or somthing like that. He said he didn't even notice. He also said something about nazi lady bitching all the way down the hall. So I explained how she yelled at us last quarter. It's drawing closer to choir time...so all the kids in chorus slowly begin to file into the lobby. She came out 4 or 5 times to complain. Big D came in...asked about the Posse. I wasn't sure where any of them were. (that unusual cause Chris usually informs me of where they're going) but he and Sterns took off about the same time LIsa did. Anyhow, Laura came in...and I was explaining to her and Dave why Brad better show up today. I brought in my old cassette tape of Extreme. He mentioned needing a copy of More Than Words last week. I got up to do something...like throw something away. And she and that guy started up a conversation. She asked what his name is (it's Sean) and then introduced herself. You know, "oh, well I'm Laura." so I said, "that's my name too". That's how I end up introducing myself when Laura is around. Then she goes into a big story about if you say Laura I won't respond but she will. That's like the big Laura and Laura story. And how Ignatieva calls her yellow shirt Laura because she wore a yellow shirt one day. It's confusing. But ya, he's Jared's friend (Jared is another lobby rat...also in choir) He apparently knows Big D. So anyhow, Woten and Sterns come back from wherever they had gone. And Brad finally comes in. Laura sees him in the hall and tells him that I have something for him...that kinda freaked me out. But he came in and I gave him the tape. He didn't really...respond. But I went back to staring into space. Then decided to ask Chris for a bit of advice on the Jon thing. He'd been listening to Lisa and my conversation earlier. So he knew what I was talking about when I asked him. I kinda sat down on the couch he was sitting on...and opened up a vein. He gave me some really great advice. I'm glad. I thanked him...and he said anytime. That really makes me feel good. That we're getting along now. I'm definitely happy. Anyway, choir...I just wasn't in the mood. But I suppose I cheered up. Lisa was happy that her J-Comm class was cancelled. But she walked me over to Galvin anyway. Poetry...lecture on sound. it was funny...like usual. But tiring. I ended up sitting next to Hot Doug. Half way through the class, I dropped my pen, and he picked it up for me. How sweet. I'm sure I could have reached it. But it was nice. There's this other guy in that class. He looks like someone I've seen before. Like someone that Jesse drew a picture of. I could almost swear. Whatever...class drags on. We did this exercise with a toothpick in our mouth...and sounding out words. Good fun. When it was finally over, I got my stuff together. Walked out...and there he was. I walk out of the room, look up and see...him. I think I even stopped...and couldn't think of anything to say. But it looked like he did the same. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm so confused. Poor me. Then I...just walked away. Flustered. I was at a loss for words. But...and I don't know if anyone else does this. I walked myself all the way out to my car...and got in...turned it on...the stereo comes on blasting...and I begin to pull out of the space and just let out this peircing noise. It was...a cleansing thing. And you know...it makes me so mad...Shannon just called me. Danielle called in sick again. And Jill, who was on call, has too much homework. I'm frickin tired and hungry. Dammit. Nicole called earlier and asked if I wanted to go to the gym. Maybe I'd go if it didn't mean working out. I'm dead tired. UGH! But she just called back and said she got a hold of Ben. Good. Anyhow. I was talking about...him. Oh yes. But I don't think I want to talk about that anymore. That's been my day. So I'm gonna veg some more...it's Buffy night. Oh boy. and Making the Video is on later too.

~Don't let it go away...this feeling has got to stay.~

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