01-11-01 Thursday

~I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches. I'll build you a fire if the furnace breaks...~

I am so tired. I'm loopy and fuzzy...it's been a pretty rough day. Had early class. That's always fun. Then the lobby, which seemed like a huge tense hyper thing...I'll explain. Hmm, Lisa and I...and Chris. sitting. We all notice that hey, Chris brought his guitar. The last time this happened, they (he and Brad) sat in front of Reed and "jammed". I remember poking a bit of fun at them and dropping 15 cents in one of the cases. So Brad comes in, and they both bust out their guitars...how can I describe it? It was like uh, I felt like a little girlie groupie of some sort. I wanted to giggle and grin. Brad starts playing that "I wanna grow old with you" Adam Sandler song from The Wedding Singer, and he gets up...walks around the lobby...stops in front of Lisa and I...and I just...it was like instant meltiness. That soft gooey feeling. I got Chris to play "More Than Words". Which was definitely enjoyable. I can't say I had the warm fuzzy feeling...because...I don't trust myself in that...area? is that the word I'm looking for? I don't trust myself with those kind of feelings and Chris...Like they're not allowed to be in the same sentence. I felt bad though. Lisa and I started passing a note back and forth and I was trying to...but I couldn't quite...I could feel the tension. She doesn't like that I find Brad attractive. I can't really help that. I wish it were different. It's hard to explain. Anyhow, this is where things got silly. Brad said something about wanting to learn "More than words". And asked me to write down the lyrics. I pull out a notebook, and he said "you don't have to do it now." But I didn't have anything else to do. Weird part was, Lisa also started to write down the lyrics...it turned into...almost a contest of sorts. It's ridiculous...I think it was kind of silly...but there was no hair pulling or teeth gnashing. *sigh* Eventually, Brad left...and so did Lisa. Chris went to do homework or something...so I was in the lobby with Sterns, Sherrick, KC, Nala, Derek, and Big D...people started coming in for chorus...but they ended up in the line of fire. I don't know who started it...but it turned into a huge hacky sack fight...not normal hacky...it was...like war. They were beaning each other with the thing. Sterns had a yo yo and was flinging it...so close to Big D's face. I was afraid for him. I had dejahvoo...at one point, the hacky sack was being thrown full force right near my head. This brings me back to a time not too long ago when Sterns had a frisbee...and was doing the very same thing. He claims to enjoy the jump squeek. Which is my reaction everytime I see something wizz past my face. Moving on.

~You can't change the way you feel, but you can't tell me this aint real.~

So in choir...ok, I won't mention that...or that...so in poetry...since the class is so full, I ended up without a desk. I sat in the front of the room...in THE most uncomfortable chair. We had to write an essay on a Housman poem called "8 o'clock". That was interesting. Considering it was on rhythm and rhyme, and I seem to be having trouble with scanning and versification. It's confusing. Too many things to think about at once. Lots of smoke, burning smell, then a big boom noise...brain matter on the floor. I made it through...and ten minutes before class shoudl have been over. Now I'm thinking I'm making good time. Cause I have to be to work by 5. But I wanna come home and take a shower first. I hadn't eaten anything much, so I wanted to grab a bite. Now, i got out at 3:20. It takes 7 minutes to get home. An hour to get ready, and then about 10 minutes to get to work. I was going to run through a random drive-thru and be a few minutes late. But...plans were ruined when I got stuck in traffic for a half an hour on my way home from the campus. Someone decided to tear up the railroad tracks...3 minutes away from my house. It was so stupid. I could have gotten out and walked...and been home before I actually got home. So I got home a little miffed. Took my shower anyway. Didn't do my hair. So it was...frizzy all over...and barely put any make-up on...so I was blotchy and frizzy and wearing my brothers pokemon t-shirt. I didn't care. Didn't get to eat. So mommy said she'd bring me somethin'. I was all...yawning and sleepy. My muscles are sore from that acting class still. Plus, and this is the icing on the cake. I have cramps...and everyone knows what that means. I won't elaborate then. Onward. So a few people came in the store. I hate that. When I'm not looking so hot, and people I know are around. First, Ben came in. Not someone I enjoy seeing anyway. But he came over and asked if I was tired. He said I look "stressed out". He also mentioned that my hair was different then before. Now...I never thought Ben was the type to notice something like that. Kim agrees. It was just strange. Later on, Sherrick came in. While I was vacuuming. I probably looked like a crazy person...hair all over...faded shirt...vacuum flying around. Silly. I honestly don't care. I'm too tired to care. I AM stressed out. Good call Ben. So I'm going to go to bed...so I can look forward to a Friday night. A rare Friday night...cause Lisa and I are conjuring up plans. We asked Chris if he wanted to go see Save the Last Dance. And Lisa says she's going to call Brad tomorrow and see if he wants to go. I'm doubting the whole thing. If it happens at all, it'll end up being me and Lisa. Cause the likelihood of her calling him #1 and him actually going #2 and Chris going #3 is extremely ify. (pronounced like the word if with an e sound on the end) ya you get it. I'm going to bed.

~I do believe I've failed you~

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