02-07-01 Wednesday

~You don't talk of dreams and I won't lecture on tomorrow.~

*sigh* So uh...I've been a bit emotional lately. Mostly today. I just love when it rolls around, and you know it's coming. Then you have a good day...a not so good afternoon...which escalates into a bit of crying then BAM! Hi! How ya doin? I'm gonna be here for about a week. So uh, any junk food around this place? It's 9pm. And I just felt the need to splooge all over this lovely little pagelet. So right, this morning in theatre...It was like Masha was trying to make me feel bad. I know...I haven't been to class the past few Mondays. But mentioning the fact that not only Brad called to inform her he was running late, but Stephanie called to say she wasn't going to make it. In other words, I should have called. I turned in my journal...and we got our "scenes". This is the big project for the end of the quarter. We get these scenes, and we're basically broken up into groups. Groups of characters in theses scenes. Some scenes are the same characters from the same plays (it's all in the interpretation) There are 3 plays total. Miss Julie, Sylvia, and Oleandre or something like that. Miss Julie is more dramatic...the 'O' play is sort of dramatic. It's kinda confusing really. And Sylvia is comedy. Very much comedy. And that's why I'm oh so happy I got a scene from Sylvia. It's about this middle aged married couple. And the husband...finds this dog in the park (her name is Sylvia) and the weird things about all this is that Greg (the husband) falls in love with Sylvia...and she talks...just like everyone else. The humans respond to her. She's very much a Mr. Ed type character. A dog...young dog in heat. With a very foul mouth. And well uh...that's my character. So we get these scenes and split up into our groups. I hate how Masha splits groups. For some reason, Chris and Kristin always get put together. Usually, Brad too. Chris and Brad are always partners. And I get Sarah (which isn't so bad...she's pretty funny) and this guy...I don't even know his name. But he's mumbly and quiet. So our group went out into the lobby to read the scene. We read...and it was ok. Masha came in and made us read certain parts over. I think because she thought they were funny. But she said we could put more into them. Then she called us all back into the auditorium and asked Chris and Kris' group to read their scene for the class. (they always seem to get called to do stuff like that too...but I sometimes get called with them...anyhow...) They were obviously missing one of their members. (Stephanie was supposed to be their Sylvia...) And instead of calling on her favorite (the other Laura) she asked me to take Steph's place. So I'm on the stage with the 2 more experienced performers...doesn't bother me a bit. Cause I'm a dog...in heat mind you. And I'm all, hugging Chris' legs and every other line is "I love you". Think about this for a moment...This is Chris. And he happens to be one of the many former crushes. I'm saying "I love you" to him...and sitting on the floor hugging his legs...he's scratching my head. Cause I'm a DOG! Nevermind all that. It was funny. The whole thing. We make it funny. And now that I've done part of it with them...Kris as Kate and Chris as Greg...I don't think it's so cool that I'm stuck doing the actual project with my real group members. It was like...a tease. "he he look at what you could have had...chemistry between your partners. Potential for a great scene! But no...you have to go back to what you had before...it's good...but not great..." UGH, that was disappointing. And Kris later said in the lobby that she thought it would be cool if I could take over Steph's place. How unfortunate. (though it has nothing to do with genetics) So anyhow, after theatre, Kris and I decided hunger was taking over so we went to the ria and went in on a big thing of nachos and both got cherry cheesecake. Sherrick got a kick out of that...cause cheesecake is like...sex in the morning. And we were both like...ooooh cheesecake. It was...I don't know. Brad thought it was strange. Jason and I got into this big fighting thing...he's all about physical contact. And Sherrick even beat me up with a plastic spoon. But Kris and I thought it would be a good idea if we all made plans to go to this free civic center thing. So I've finally been invited to a "posse" event. woo hoo. (that's about it for the excitement there) But I suppose it'll be fun. If we make it fun. Other than that...Brad made a rude comment about what Sterns had said before about Kris and I not being able to be posse members because of a particular posse rule. I made a frowny face. He must have felt a little gulity cause he sat down next to me (again on that table...and again...so freakin' close I couldn't breathe) and put his arm around me. And Sherrick felt the need to do the same on the other side. I was embraced by a Chris and a Brad. WOW! I feel special (note: sarcastic tone in my voice) I do though. It's good to know I'm finding new boys. I feel like I lost all my boys. Right...so After choir...and my being stuck on the last riser (clear at the top in the back.) I feel like I'm gonna fall off the damn thing. Lisa and I went to get her hair done.

~I'm not content to crawl~

Ya, we go into this salon, and I'm surrounded by beautiful people. I swear, every person in there had great hair and skin. Ug I wanted to puke. But by the time we left, and Lisa's hair was perfect like theirs...I wanted to be pretty too. So I made the huge mistake of going to my salon...(which would be the cheap place that's screwed up my hair about 50 million times) I walked in there and told the lady that I liked the length of my hair. I just wanted a shape. Some kind of style instead of my flat hangy thing. And what did she do??? She whacked it all off. So my top layer (which earlier today was at my chin) is now 2 inches shorter. I was so pissed off. That was the high light of my day. It's dramatic. and stupid, and I'm over it now. But fuckn' c'mon. I'm so tired of having short hair. But it's gonna be months before it gets back to the crap I had before. At least it's pixyish. I'll deal. Moving on. I skipped out on youth group tonight. I don't know what it is with me and skipping things lately. I think I just like the feeling of liberation. Knowing I can go or not go. And it's my decision to make. I'll go next week. Plus my little brother wants to go. So I'm no longer going on my behalf. It's just for his benefit.

~~

So I trained Kyle last night. And it's so awful...he's such a good looking boy...and I hate that. Cause he's a boy. It was good though. Lots of fun. He's fun to hang out with. So everytime I bent over to fix something on a low shelf, he tried to push me over. He sprayed me with Pimp. I poked him in the ass with a pole. Then we got into the "retarded" conversation. He aske me if I was retarded and he said it like..."are you tawded?" It was funny...and stupid...and cute. I hate that. His ride didn't show up on time, so he sat in my car...and the shoving thing started again. He brings out the kid inside. It's good. On another topic of boys that make me feel like a kid...When Lisa and I were walking out to her car at school, Danny was pulling into the parking lot. (I always forget he goes out there) and he stopped and yelled at me. He asked if I was working tonight...(I wasn't) But I said I might be at Arbys' later. (Didn't go) But I blew him a kiss, and he reached out the car window and caught it. Such a doll. Now the actual high light of today was just a bit earlier when Jesse told me that he thinks he could really fall in love with me. Damn him. Damn him for being 7 hours away from me. Damn him for being the type of guy I could also fall for. Damn him for being the first guy I ever found attractive who actual felt the same way about me. Damn him for being a guy I met on-line. And finally, damn him for being so sly. He calls me little lady. I call him stud. He asked me to think about him naked. and I called him...and it was so good. dammit!

~and I'll say all the things that you said you wanted to hear.~

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