02-04-00 Friday

They found the bomber! (i'm pleased) but it's a minor... so they can't give out the name. and it's more than likely that they'll get off with only a smack on the wrist. (i'm not pleased) We ended up going to school today. (That makes it every other day this week.) and it was just another boring day. you know... just going through the motions. Nicole wasn't there today. She had traffic court. (giggle) that wasn't a mean-i'm the devil-giggle. it was a man, I really know how that feels giggle. *sigh* *pause* *frustration* today really isn't worth talking about.

~I know I should have told you. but I was so afraid you'd leave.
and now there's nothing left to say. well nothing you'd believe.~

I'm excited about tomorrow though. Nicole is having a little sleepover. Tyler, Rob, Nicole and I. Just a small stay up all night, watch movies, eat snacks, play goofy games that we haven't thought of since middle school, and laugh sleepover. It sounds like fun. and it's for Nicole's birthday too. So I'm going to bake a cake. I'm going to bake a cake. This is rare. and I really thought I could make something out of an uneventful day. I'll try later.

~and if there's one thing I've learned from life it's that it gets you in the end.~

I don't know what to say about today. I've been deep in thought because I've had nothing else to do. 2 studyhalls and one class where the teacher told us to just do whatever. I was bored out of my mind. but I got to thinking about Kir's e-mail journal. She was talking about how her old friends don't like how she's changed... like it's a bad thing. and I realize that we've given her quite a bit of crap about it. but c'mon. it's not easy to watch someone (especially someone you're pretty close to) suddenly turn into what she used to make fun of... and it's even worse when she expects you to either change or be left out of her life. Last year, (or a little before) Kirsten was this short haired freak with an answer for everything. She was the definition of original, in love with Gavin Rossdale, and an open bisexual. Kir was one of my closest friends and I really looked up to her because she was the way she was. No questions asked. People at school made fun of her. They all wanted to know the dirty little secrets. I've defended her countless times. but it was almost like she didn't mind the hype. Then out of nowhere, she starts hanging out with Matt C. and Matt H. They got her going to youth group, and eventually church. I can't even describe how fast it happened. and I'm not putting her down for it. Even when I was friends with her, I worshipped God. I was in a Christian band called DryveWay for a short while. I just NEVER saw it happening to her. The bad thing is, she's been on all of her "old friends" cases. At first I didn't mind. I figured a little more God in my life couldn't hurt. So I went to her youth group and church for awhile. I stopped going to church though. I can't rip myself out of bed. I met James at youth group, and he had me out until all hours on Saturday nights... I couldn't even open my eyes early enough to go to church. but it's not even that. sometimes she takes it too far. (her transition and this bundle of "new friends") I've been reading the "spiritually challenged" book that she bought me for Christmas, (that i took as an insult at first) but the woman who wrote it explains that "real friendships" grow over long periods of time. Something tells me that a lot of her emotional problems have to do with the fact that these people don't really understand her or where she's coming from. and I know how much she hates it when I analyze her situations. I don't want this to turn into another "I'm not going to talk to you about it because that would mean you're right and I'm wrong" like it did with the Matt H. thing. I hit the mark, and she didn't want to admit that I was right for once. (but that's another story) She has this habit of always being right. and I'm sorry to say, if she wants to do spiritual counseling or whatever it was she decided on, it's not going to work that way. Part of being human (and a Christian) is admitting your flaws and admitting when you're wrong. I'm sorry I put this in here, and I probably took it too far. but I had to spill somewhere.

~Sometimes it hurts so much to lose the one you love~

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