02-29-00 Tuesday

~Honey to the bee, that's you for me.~

So uh... My fortune cookie... *smile* contained a bit of good information. (if you believe in that sort of thing.) The fortune states, "All the effort you are making will ultimately pay off." (Lucky numbers are: 6,21,31,35,38,39) Yeah. My effort... The first thing I thought of was Dan. The "effort" I've put into that hasn't been beneficial at all. So I thought maybe... maybe he'd notice my "effort". But there are other things that I've put a little effort in. Like my school work. (it sure doesn't look like it on my report.) but I work hard! and there's always Chris. He came over AGAIN yesterday. For the most part, I'm a shoulder to cry on. But it makes me feel useful. All my friends have things to do. So it's nice to have someone around. Even though I think I ticked him off talking about Dan. (that's probably why he's not here right now.) I just wonder how that would "pay off".

~Well he's a chick-magnet if ya know what I mean.~

Tuesdays are boring. There is nothing to do on a Tuesday night. There's TFC. But I feel uncomfortable there. I know a lot of the people. but it's just... it's not youth group. I need to call Dan. The last time I talked to him... It wasn't satisfactory. He was preoccupied with Chris N. and he was cleaning out his van. Laughing... and not listening to me. That made me feel even worse. He's so shady sometimes. I'd like to smack him back into reality. but I'm not stressing. I've been taking everything pretty lightly. (compared to my actions last year) and Kir even pointed it out when I was talking to her on the phone Sunday. This situation is soooo similar to what happened last year. But I'd like to say it isn't. (mostly because what happened before was NOT the best experience of my life.) but also because there ARE differences. I mean, at least Dan and I have some common ground. I guess more than anything, I'm just disappointed. In myself, and in him for not giving me a chance. I think I said that before.

~and amidst this bitterness, if you'd just consider this-even if it don't make sense...~

It's funny, I don't feel stressed out. (it's not like I do much) But I'm always so tense. Tyler grabbed my shoulder this morning and mentioned it. I didn't really notice it until he did. I need a good massage. mmmm... that sounds so good. mmmm... and what was up in lunch today??? so I wore a little sweater. everyone decided, "hey lets make fun of Laura today." Rob called it my booby sweater. or something like that. I guess I ask to be made fun of. (and poked) Is there a sign on my forehead that says, "Hey, take a cheap-shot at me today!" I thought I got rid of that thing. So yeah I should get to making that phone call. *sigh* (not that I'm looking forward to making a fool out of myself.) but if I didn't, then who would? wait... don't answer that.

~How many times do I have to say to get away-get gone~

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