02-23-00 Wednesday


Hmmm... It's been a wonderful vacation. But now I'm swamped. I have so many things to do... urg! Hey! I went to BGSU on our President's Day break. and I must say, there were quite a few hotties there. Nothing much was accomplished. It's a nice school. But my plans are made.

~There you go lookin' pitiful just because I let you go.~

I was attacked by Joe today. While walking down the hall after lunch, I turned around and pointed to Dan who (ironically enough) was walking in the opposite direction. I looked at Joe and said, "Damn!" So he comes in with a more than inspirational idea. "I'm gonna say something to him. I'll ask him if he likes you because you still have feelings for him." (HELLO! like that wasn't obvious) but I'm having doubts at this point. It seemed a bit too much like middle school. but I didn't say anything. So Joe, being Mr. Helper probably helped me into another dramatic downfall. I realized why I didn't have the balls to talk to Dan about..."us". I'm really afraid he'll reject me. Honestly, I'm not the type to fear such a minor threat. but I don't want this to end up like Danny. That's what I fear the most. I think I'm following the footsteps of that relationship too closely, and I don't know what I'd do if that happened again.

~you wish things were simple like that~

Youth Group tonight was... awakening. We talked about patience. (Something I lack in) and I didn't really feel involved in our discussion. I was in a daze through most of it. but right before Kip let us go, he said, "If you've offended anyone in this room, go and ask for their forgiveness." I of course went through the list of people I automatically think of. Nicole...no. Tyler...no. AJ...no. ok, I can't think of anyone. So I got up and gathered my things to leave. Kirsten comes up from behind, and turns me around, hugs me, and apologizes for anything she's done. (I was shocked at first.) But I apologized too. and we both teared up. It was nice. Then AJ came over and asked if I had talked to James. (you can see the confused look on my face) seeing as I had instructed AJ earlier not to utter that name in my presence... I realized that more than anything, it was James that I needed to apologize to. So I decided to say something at Taco Bell. but that never happened. He, of course, was surrounded by people. and his new girlfriend. So I stepped back understanding how awkward that would be. I figured I'd call him. that never happened either. OH! I called. but the phone was busy... I suppose the appropriate phrase here would be -better luck next time-.

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