02-19-00 Saturday


Hmmm... Our first order of business is the issue of "Boredom". I am so bored! It can't be described. and I find that there are stages of boredom.
1. Denial
(You know there's nothing on tv. but you keep channel surfing praying that maybe you'll find a good movie.)
2. Idleness
(you've realized you're bored so you move away from the tv. maybe to another room. and sit... staring at the wall etc.)
3. Adrenaline
(After looking at a crack in the wall, you find yourself suddenly full of energy so you turn up the music, dance around a bit, do the booty bump with your mom, start laughing extremely loud, then sit down when you notice your brother and his friend are in the room next to you.)
4. Overstimulation
(Once you sit down, you feel the urge to call a friend and bother them with your insane amount of energy. Then talk on the phone for an hour and a half about a lot of nothing. While talking about nothing, you flip the tv back on with the volume down so you can listen to the radio and watch tv at the same time. you may even pick up a book.)

This is what I've done today. I've gone through these stages twice. Poor Nicole. (She would be the one I called.)

~I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out. Find nothin' but faith in nothin'.~

Yes, I'm still at home. I haven't left the house in days. Almost a whole week. This is torture. But...I'm still breathing. Tomorrow, mommy says we can go get film developed. and if I am lucky...*crosses fingers* and I can get a hold of Dan...*crosses toes* and I can convince him...*crosses eyes* maybe (that's a big MAYBE) I'll go to the movies with Nicole (Tyler) and Leigh (Wes). I didn't even mention it to Nicole. (yeah, I know... I'm inviting myself) but they love me. and they understand I've been trapped ALL WEEK. (pouty lip) but it's all circumstantial. I'd have to get cash from mom. (that's questionable) + Dan has to be home. (he might have plans. he might be at his dad's. he might refuse...) that's a pooper. and it's all... IF I decide to even call him. For cryin' out loud... I call him all the time (I'm not obsessed. I only call once a week tops) but c'mon! I still get butterflies when I dial his number. Some people would call me crazy... OK! So I'm nuts! Throw me a bone! Even loonies need dates. Right. So...

~The time is right but I feel all wrong. It wastes away until it's gone.
The time is right but I feel all wrong. It fades away and now you're gone.~


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