02-16-01 Friday

"A good example of an oxymoron would be military intelligence. It's like a contradiction in terms."
-Professor Arbuckle explaining oxymoron to the stupid guys who sat behind me in poetry today.

Let's fill you in on my week. Too many things going on. Ok, Monday. Shannon called me from work. She says, "you know those guys who work down at Verizon Wireless? Well, the one with the dark hair. You know with the red in it?? He needs a date for his formal Valentine dance tomorrow. You should go." I threw a fit. To understand the fit, you have to understand my relationship with the Verizon Nerds. (that's what I call them.) There are two of them. Korey...he's the one Shannon was talking about. Now he's never done anything that really bothered me that much. And the other one...Brad. He's the one who seems to get on my nerves. They come down to the store. ALL the time. And Brad...has this thing with our manequins. He enjoys molesting them. But mostly, they just stand around in the store and harrass employees...customers. It's all the same. So when Shannon told me this...I was like..."nuh uh. NO WAY!" On top of all this, they're obsessed with camoflage. (I detest fatigues) Anyhow, they don't bother me that much. Honestly. I don't mind when they come down to the store, they just tend to overstay their welcome. So anyhow, the conversation pretty much ended with that. Cause I said no, and Shannon went back to trying to find Korey a date. The next day, the guys from school made this huge plan that we were all going to wear black on Wednesday to celebrate Valentine's properly...ya I don't remember much else from that day... but I had to work that night. So I go in, and in walks Korey and Brad...but they've got their friend with them. Now, they've brought this guy in the store before. And I don't know what it is really, but I find him attractive. He's funny. and tall, and ya. Mmm. And they're all dressed to the nines. Korey's got on this baby yellow zoot suit thing. Brad has on the traditional tails. And Aaron (their friend) has on a great navy suit, and red sunglasses. He was looking pretty good. Now honestly, I don't really think Brad or Korey are exceptionally hot. Maybe to others, but I also have strange taste in guys. Plus, Aaron seems like the semi-normal one of the group. He's never groped a manequin. And he does this...eyebrow thing. anyhow...(why can't I just tell the damn story?) They give me Aaron's cell phone number, and their home number (cause they all live together...have worked together, go to school together.) And tell me to find Korey a date for this dance at Northwestern college (it's like a local tech school or something) the following night. They leave to look on the other side of the mall. They called me the "east wing lookout". I had work to do. So I went back to folding shirts...maybe...a half hour later, they come back. I asked if they'd had any luck. They said no. And asked if I had. Obviously not. I wasn't really trying. Then out of nowhere, Aaron is like, "well why don't YOU go with him?" And I'm like, "guys, I told you before, I have to go to church. I promised my brother I'd take him to youth group." And Aaron is like, "what time is it over? Cause we're not going to the dance until about 10pm." Well, youth group would be over by then, but Arby's...and Matt...(my bro) Then Aaron gives me this look...and I started to break. I asked what would be in it for me. Cause I felt like I was getting the short end of the stick here. I asked Aaron. And he's like, "Korey??? what will she be getting out of this." In my head I was thinking...maybe a nice piece of Aaron...that might be satisfactory. And Korey's like, "well, you'll get a free meal at the Waffle House." Ugh...that's just great. I'm impressed. So I rolled my eyes. And he's like, "well so you snowboard?" and I said no. So he's all, "I'll give you a free snowboarding lesson. All expenses paid. Cause Aaron works at the sporting goods store, and he can hook us up with free equipment." I guess I gave in. I figured...one night with these guys won't hurt. It's cool. I'm doing a friend in need a favor. We made plans to meet at Arby's at 9pm. Oh boy.

"The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passion and intensity."
-Yeats: The Second Coming

So Wednesday. Valentine's Day...I got all dressed up in my long black skirt (slits up both sides) and a black tank with a shirt over top of it...(I couldn't handle all that black) and my knee-high black boots. Of course...the black trench coat. I go in to class, theatre, and Chris is wearing jeans, a white dress shirt, and a black tie. (Hello...that reminded me of Jesse) Brad was wearing courderoys...brown ones. and a sweater vest. So I felt let down...Til I saw Jason...in his black slacks, black dress shirt and tie, black trench...ya, he had brought clothes for Brad and Chris. So after theatre, they all went to the guys bathroom. Jason comes around the corner into the lobby and pulls me into the men's restroom. I think it made Chris nervous...(he he he) So once they finally changed, we took pictures, and walked around a bit in our Matrix garb. I think it frightened a few people. It was like...trench coat mafia. Someone said something about Columbine. (yikes) anyhow, I put my other shirt on before choir. While we were in the lobby, Brad happened to overhear a conversation with Lisa about my webpage. And he asked for the url. Lisa shoots me this look. So I wiggled my way out of giving it to him. But he was definitely curious, and I'm sure he knew there was some reason why I wouldn't give it to him. I don't have the skills to lie about things like that. And he saw right through everything I told him. Moving on. After classes, I came home a chilled for a bit. Then got dressed for youth group. I took Matt. And left early (at 8pm) so I could come home again and change into my leopard dress that I wore to homecoming last year. (the scary spice dress) I think there's a picture of it under the dance section in my photos. So anyhow, I went to Arby's. Ben was there...and he laughed at me. (I deserved it) I looked like a hoe. In my short leapord print dress, black knee-high boots, and black trench. Korey walks in...wearing the leopard pants he bought from my store. (it was crazy...and we planned it...but it was...just too matchy) He had on some stupid multi-colored long sleeved shirt with a black t-shirt over top of it. I don't remember what it said. Then...and here's the worst part. He had on this huge gold chain with a big dollar sign hanging from it. He called it his "bling bling". So basically, it looked like a pimp, and his hoe. But I chose to ignore that. We go outside to the car, and he starts apologizing. "this isn't my car. It's Brad's. I'm sorry." He opens the door, and I see this leather...tan/fringe...pimped out retarded thing going on. I was shocked. Seriously. I've never been that close to a cheesy pimp car. On the seat, flowers. And he's like, "oh, where'd those come from? No...they're for you." That's when I started to worry. I get in the car. Pink carnations. It's cool. Whatever. He gets in, and he's like, "and these are for you too." and he hands me these 3 silver rings. Obviously cheap...kinda looked like they came out of a 25 cent machine. Little hearts on them. And he's like, "I thought since I was bling blinging, you should too." Eck. ok. right. We met Aaron and Brad and their dates at Applebees. First impressions...Brad's date...Andrea...she was very little, short dark hair...pixyish. She was cute. And funny. Kind of a punk type I think. Aaron's date...Treina, was really pretty. Perfect skin...and all. I felt a bit intimidated. Until we got into conversation at the table. I guess these girls are just friends of theirs who also go to Northwestern. Neither of them seemed super interested in any of the guys. All of them are from Indiana. They moved here...to Ohio...just to go to Northwestern. ok. Anyhow, we go to this dance. I have never seen so many hillbilly's in one place. It was like the rodeo convention or something. Tight jeans...cowboy boots and hats. Make me gag. Then there was the other extreme. Girls in pretty long dresses...and guys in khakis. Some people in just normal jeans and a shirt. Some in like clubbing clothes. I didn't know whether I was too dressy or not dressy enough. I think by this time, Treina, Andrea and I were cool. So as all dances go, we went and danced while the guys just stood around. It wasn't until later that the boys got into it. And let me tell you, I was there with some of the whitest boys I've ever met. It was hilarious. Korey kept apologizing. Claiming I wasn't having any fun. But I was laughing the whole time at them dancing. It was so funny. Ya, by the time the slow songs started rolling around, I was ready to leave. I didn't want to slow dance. And if I wanted to at all, it would have been with Aaron. But Korey was my date, and out of respect for him, I danced with him. He's...telling me that all the guys there were looking at me and talking about me. Cause they're not used to seeing pretty girls like me...(I think he meant "pretty" in a short skirt with Korey...how strange is that??? kinda way. And I'm not trying to be offensive. But he said himself that they were jealous of him. I guess they had been talking. Whatever.) I did notice though, when I was with the girls, that guys came up and asked who I was. It was just...wrong. So, he warns me about the "leader" of the hicks...and says that he's sure he'll be around to try and take me away. It's forbidden that a goofy nut job like Korey to have a date I suppose. There were many drunk people there. But I didn't care. I was off in this world of...I don't know. The Grind. All I did was dance. I didn't really pay much attention to the twits who asked me my name. I just danced and laughed at the guys dancing. I taught them all the proper way to dance to Footloose. But still, when Treina and Aaron were dancing, I did feel a little jealous. And I attempted to talk to Aaron. It was cool. I just didn't want to pull my manipulative crap. So I wasn't all over him like I could have been. Ok, so the night was winding down. Last slow song comes on. 2 slow ones in a row and by the time the first was over, I didn't want to dance anymore. Brad was talking to Korey, and I was fine just standing there. Over struts this bright blue dress shirt. Cowboy hat...tight jeans...mustache. Ew. He asked me to dance. I think I was in so much disbelief and disgust...I was thinking, "uh, I don't dance with cowboys." But I think I said, "you'll have to ask my date Korey." and he just kinda, looked at me and said, "no that's ok." I think he took the hint. Later, Korey informed me that it was the "leader". Wow. So Korey dropped me at my car (at Arby's) 1 o'clock in the morning. One of the rings he bought me broke. And again, he was apologizing...cause I had such a bad time. I had said something about my going with him...being a favor of sorts. And he's like, "oh, so this is just a favor. And I'm a bad driver. And I dance funny." I wanted to smack him. I couldn't believ he thought it was more than that. I was being nice. I went because the boy was still looking for a date the day before the damn dance. His friend had to talk me into it. And ugh. To make up for the broken ring, he throws a little plastic figure of the Virgin Mary in the backseat of my car. I didn't want to argue. So I just said that I would leave it at Verizon some time when he wasn't there. Cause I didn't want his virgin. On the way home, I got pulled over. I've had a headlight out for about a month or two now. And so I got a written warning. I hate myself, cause as soon as this cop comes over to my window, I turned on this sugar sweet charm. All high girly voice and batty eyelashes. He made me come back to his car with him. I honestly think he thought I had been drinking or something. Cause cops don't usually do that. Me in my leopard dress, I looked like a streetwalker. It was comical. Then I came home and crashed.

~Don't flatter yourself I will survive~

I couldn't get up this morning for history. I didn't get to bed until 2am. Who has a dance that late on a Wednesday? I got up at about 9:30 and got into school at 10:30 or 11am. I didn't care though. That's so sad. So we sat in the lobby. I was pretty rough looking today. I'm sore. From dancing, and from wearing those boots all day. My ankles are killing me. My back hurts. Um, I wasted up the rest of my film. Took pictures of people. Gave Jason the camera and had him take pictures. I tried to explain to Brad why I didn't want him here. I basically said that this is my whole life, and he doesn't know me very well. There are a lot of personal things here that he probably wouldn't want to get into. I said that I understand the consequences of what I write in my journal. But other people don't, and I happen to mention those people, so I didn't want him getting involved in that. Then Jason mentioned that Brad doesn't have the internet hooked up at his house. And Brad's like, "ya I usually get on-line at school or at Sterns house." So I used that as another excuse. I didn't really want a bunch of people reading my personal history. I told him, if it was my choice, and if these problems weren't...problems, then I'd give it to him. And he said he understood. So that's good. I really...I wouldn't mind if he knew the truth. I just don't want all those boys sitting around the computer during the commercials of their tv wrestling show nights, reading all the crap I say about what goes on at school. Well, what goes on from my point of view. Cause it's just not...a comfortable thing. I know Woten has read the journal. Maybe once. And I really...wouldn't have a problem if Brad read it. But I could live without the rest of them snickering at my stupid ramblings. The things I think aren't always right anyhow. Like for example, I thought Jason had a thing for me before I knew him. We went to the mall and hung out today. It was like a couple of old pals...insulting my driving and kicking around thrift shops. So I was obviously wrong. He wasn't hitting on me. He's just like that. Very friendly. That's great. I love hanging out with him. He's fun. But another example, the other day I mentioned Brad leading me through the door. I seriously thought there was something behind that gesture. But now...I don't think there was. I just think Brad is like that. I have no doubt in my mind that the boy is extremely indifferent towards me. Almost disillusioned. Ya, Jason seemed pretty disillusioned when we ran into Nicole at the mall. She joined up with us and he suddenly had to be home by 6:30pm for some volleyball game. So I dropped him off, and Nicole and I went to pick up my pictures and we went back to the mall and returned the virgin to Brad. (not Brad R. from school...this is Verizon Brad.) He had no idea that Korey gave her to me. And he was a little upset. Once Nicole and I walked away from the stupid Verizon stand, she looks at me and says, "ya, he's got a thing for ya. I saw it. The way he looked at you." Dammit. That is NO GOOD! And on top of all this, I talked to Jess for a few minutes a little bit ago, and he said something about being jealous when I talk about otehr guys. Ok, the conversation started with me asking him what he got for Valentine's Day. He said "head". That was upsetting. But he said he was kidding. So I said I didn't care. It's cool. And I asked if I should care. He said he cares. But if I was to receive something of that nature, he'd care, but he wouldn't get bummed out because we don't really know each other. So I said I did care, and it was a little weird for him to say that he got head. And he said he didn't. He was kidding. And he said that he cares too. And that it makes him jealous when I talk about guys. So I said I wouldn't do that anymore. I just don't know what to do. Jesse is great. And Aaron is hot. haha Nicole and I went into the store tonight, and I made her take a closer look at Kyle. She says he's growing on her. I swear if that kid was a little older. whew! We got to talking about all these guys later. (we rented a movie, got pizza, and went to her house. It's her birthday. So it was good. I'm glad I spent time with her today.) She thinks I should just walk up to them and say, "um, would you mind if I humped you?" or "can I hump you?" I don't think that the direct approach works for me. It seems like a joke more than a pick-up line. And they'd all prolly say, "sure whatever." Just because it would be funny to have a girl hump them. I give up. I just can't win here! (laugh. I'm kidding. I'm sure if and when it's gonna happen, it will.) I just need to not think about it...(only that never works) Right. So my pictures turned out pretty good. Got some bowling party pictures. Some pictures from the dance. Then a bunch of random lobby photos. My Matrix pics didn't comeo ut though. (pout) Oh well, I gotta work tomorrow. So I better get some sleep. Ug. Night.

~It's not the same when everything has changed.~

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