02-12-00 Saturday


It's been a long day. It's been a long week. Proficiencies... then Thursday night, my body decides to argue with me. I struggled to get up Friday and go to school. I only ended up staying until the last test was over. I came home and slept all day.

~What if you did? What if you lied? What if I avenge? What if eye for an eye?~

Today, I had to get up at 6am for the ACT. (why didn't somebody shoot me?) It couldn't have come at a worse time. I was lucky to get to sleep last night. (it took some strong cold medicine too) but I woke up this morning my bright and cheery self (yeah... right)I got up though. I was breathing. (not through my nose) that's the only thing left. Sore throat is gone. Dizziness...gone. headache...gone. just this bloody runny nose. This is me during the ACT. growl...sniff sniff...grrroWL...sniff...GROWL...SNIFF. I should have had more than a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast. but Ryan, Leigh, and I went out for chinese afterward. I'm still full.

~'Cause if the face inside can't see the light I know I'll have to walk alone.
and if I walk alone to the other side I know I might not make it home.~

I called my cousin Alison and we went to see Scream 3. Let me tell you now. If you haven't seen the other two and fully grasped everything, then it's not worth it. but if you like the first two then i suggest you see it. Now, there isn't much gore in this one. It's just one of those let's-see-how-many-times-we-can-make-the-audience-jump type of horror flicks. I didn't count, but it was more than 8. So I'm bored now. It's Saturday night, and I have nothing to do. This is lame. Mille offered an invite to the bowling alley. But I'm not much of a bowler, and the idea of drunk, sweaty, fat men in bowling shirts is NOT what I consider attractive. I'd rather sit at home and wallow in my "no Valentine blues".

~'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape from the life I live when I'm awake.~

I'm always single on Valentine's Day. It's like an unspoken rule. When James and I were together... I thought we would make it last through Valentine's, so I started working on a present in December. I've been copying my best poetry into a composition notebook. I thought it would be special. Not just some cheap sappy card, or fattening chocolate. and the past few months, I haven't written anything but crap. A little disappointed??? How'd you guess? I hate not having anything to write. Not having feelings worth expressing on paper... Like I was saying, now... I don't have anyone to share that with. (the book) It's wasted. Not that he would have cared. The only reason he did before was because I told him that there were a few about him. After he saw those, he was disillusioned. Doesn't surprise me. He's absolutely surface. I don't regret that though. I obviously didn't learn my lesson the first time.

~I've seen the wicked fruit of your vine, destroy the man who lacks a strong mind.
Human pride sings a vengeful song, inspired by the times you've been walked on.~

Mille and I had quite the little conversation about my dating habits. How I tend to be extremely picky... Sorry folks, but I see nothing wrong with taste, morals, and standards. If that makes me a bitch then I'm a proud one. I suppose I let down my guard once in awhile. Defence mechanism... It's better than being beaten to death by someone I didn't trust to begin with. and this whole thing with Dan... I'm frustrated. that's all. It's ridiculous. I'm waiting for him to say something, when I know he won't. It's all up to me. Either I say something, or it never happens. I doubt myself though. I feel inadequate. I shouldn't... but I do. Anxiety I suppose. stupid anxiety...

"it sounded like I was trying too hard to sound seductive... like a seductive frog."
me talking to Mille about my sore throat.

Just a friendly reminder: Don't forget to sign the guestbook!

HOME
CONFLICTS

Email: lobobyobo@hotmail.com