12-25-00 Monday *Christmas day*

~I'm still on your side.~

Hmmm, I think I'll continue talking about my first official date since I never finished my thoughts the last time. So Jon asked me on this date, and (it hasn't quite happened yet) but I'm starting to...I don't know, I talked to Adam about it when he came in the store, and he said that Jon had been talking about it since we ran into each other at the movies the other night. I was like, "so what did he say?" and he says, "well, you know how those guys are always telling me to shut up and leave them alone, [cause he's the youngest one] well that's what I told him to do." Oh...ok...well thanks. I tried to get a hold of Nicole...for hours. But she was no where to be found. I didn't talk to her until yesterday afternoon. And she's like, "so???" and I told her, and she's like, "ya, I know." Damn! That's no fair. I just thought it was kinda ironic that she had just mentioned trying to hook us up. Then BAM! He asks me out on a date. I don't know. But she put Tyler on the phone because I guess he knew about it too. Jon had talked to him. It was a big thing...he didn't know if he should ask me, cause we're, and this is what he said, "such good friends". I don't think I agree with that so much. I've talked to him...listened to his problems with Amanda...we hang out at random bonfires. I see him at youth group when I go...but that's about it. We've never been that close. "Good friends" to me are like, Nicole...and Lisa...people I talk to about stuff. I won't complain though, I just thought it was funny that he said that. But I talked Tyler into telling me if Jon said anything about liking me. I just...wanted to hear that...so I could be sure there was a reason for this. I could be sure it was Jon's idea and not Nicole. She said she didn't even say anything to him about it. It's just weird...Anyhow, Kirsten said something at work the other night...she said, "You're gonna go out with Jon." and I was thinking...on a date ya...but I don't know about actually commiting myself. I'm not so sure about that. But she seemed pretty sure. That was the night that John (the horny 16 yaer old I work with) was all over me. It was insane.

~here I am so alone, and there's nothin' in this world I can do~

I didn't sleep the night before Christmas Eve. That would be the last time I updated. I spent so much time on that entry...plus I got stuck in conversations with a few people on ICQ. First it was Kory. Then my cousin Megan. Then Jesse messaged me. That was an odd conversation. We talked about...man...everything. From like 1 in the morning until 4. He asked to see pictures of me. Cause the one he saw on spark wasn't very good...so he went to the page (here...hello) and clicked around my pictures. Then he bust out with how good looking I am. This is what he said. "really- i was just gonna say, your pretty good lookin' and i never knew....not that it matters all that much, it'd be like if you really liked the lost highway or american psycho- ya know just somethin' i'd dig.....see i didn't look through them all that much the first time....." Then he said later, "geeeez you really are good lookin'. man how in hell did i not know this??? huh? im a moron- i'll tell ya...... you know it's not every day someone i enjoy 'talking' to online seems pretty damn cool and is goodlookin ya know." It was a great great compliment. Because I happen to find him attractive. That was a thing there for awhile. I told a few people (mainly Lisa) that I had been talking to Jesse, and he has a web page, and he's hot. She didn't exactly agree with me though. Not many people did. That's a normal thing though...don't think I expected much more. But I talked to him forever. We even talked about hooking his band up with a gig here. They were planning on going out and playing some shows away from their town...and it would not only satisfy that, but we could actually meet. It's not like he's THAT far away. Michigan isn't so far. Ok, don't get me wrong here. He's a nice guy. Animal rights activist. And he's pretty awesome in my opinion, but I'm not creating some scheme...I'm not planning on anything right now. I'd like to meet him though. Just to say I know someone from Michigan. Anyhow, besides our mutual adoration for each others physical structure, we talked about religion and a little about his relationship with his last girlfriend. We talked about who we were in high school...and about certain fetishes we both have. It was such a good conversation, that I fought with myself to get offline at 4.

~I want to thank you, for givin' me the best day of my life. And oh, just to be with you is giving me the best day of my life.~

Ahh, so for the most part, the holidays are over for me. I go back to work tomorrow. (which is good...because it's boring just sitting around the house) and everything will slow down at the mall. No more crazy days at the store. well...it might be busy tomorrow. With all the returns and crap. Whatever. Christmas was pretty civil this year. Calm...other than gramma's random crying fits. (she does this...it's a thing) And other than my aunt getting upset because she messed up the cheesecake crust. (ugh) we ate it anyway. It was ok. I do find that I really have this dislike for my cousin's boyfriend. Joe...he's just a smartass. And he pokes fun at me. There's no reason for it. He tries to act like he's so much older than I am...when actually, he's only 2 or 3 years older...which means absolutely nothing. It just frustrates me to no end. I've always been treated maturely by her boyfriends. Like Glen for example. I liked Glen. He was nice. A little psycho when they broke up...but nice before the shit hit the fan. Anyhow, I chatted a bit with Jon on ICQ earlier. About an hour ago. It was weird...I started working on my update and poof he appears on ICQ. Asked me about Christmas, asked about what we're going to do on Friday. I told him he could decide...these were his first suggestions...we could jump John (guy from work) or we could egg Amanda's house. Then he said there's always dinner and a movie. So I said ya that was good. And told him he was in charge of picking a movie, and a place to eat...and finding out when the movie will be playing. (I'm such a pain) He said he wasn't very responsible...but he'd try or something like that. He asked for my number so we could figure everything out later...he had to go. It was a silly thing...and that's what I'm worried about. It hasn't even happened yet...and I'm doubting that we'll have much to talk about. I'll quote Aimee here, "conclusions...you're jumping to them" It's too soon to start thinking so negatively. I guess this came around...mainly cause I asked for it. It's all my fault. I was hoping someone else would come along to keep my mind off of...the person that I've been avoiding talking about and or thinking about in THAT way. So it's good. It's good timing. My brother is pissed at me though...he wants to get on here and look up some game codes on that gameshark page. All he does is plays nintendo...loser. So I'm done for now.

~baby set me free, promise misery...i can't take it no more.~

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