08-08-00 Tuesday


~I try but I can't seem to get myself to think of you~

The Chronicles Volume 1
(my new paper journal)

I honestly have no idea, and I'm pulling things out of my ass. But we all know and understand that when I process bits of information, I tend to fill in the gaps. (note to readers: this probably suggests that you give me ALL of the information to avoid such things.) The past 2 nights, James, Goo, and Andrew have been here. and I've noticed more than I should. They dropped by Sunday night during a lovely storm. I'd had a bad day, and I was complaining...James, Goo, and I had normal conversation while Andrew sat there claiming drowsiness. He'd get up occasonally and walk out to his car. At one point, Goo looked at him and said that he (Andrew) looked confused. (more on that later) they left shortly after midnight.

~The longer that I wait, the more selfish that I get~

They (James and Goo) stopped by Monday night. I was hyper. I think the gym is getting to me. I was jumping around...smiling. It was nice for a change. We threw the football around in the yard until the boys dropped. Me...I was still jumping around. Unusually elated. Dad pulls in and calls me over. I thought he was going to make some off-beat comment about me playing with boys...but he says, "So, '91 light blue, 4 door, Sedan. Clean out your car tomorrow, I got you a new one." Talk about insane! He does this kind of thing. I mean, my mother and I have discussed going out and looking at cars...but I never...I don't know. It's a lot like when I mentioned having a lap top for college would be nice. A week later...I had one. Granted...that was 2 years ago...and the thing is outdated. Just plain nuts! Anyhow, James, Goo and I got into another conversation about the level of stupidity that Andrew's reached. It started out with me mentioning the thing about him being confused...which turned into Goo spilling the beans again. (hahaha) I don't know why he was hiding it to begin with...but it seems as though Andrew and this girl...(Colleen) officially have a title. (which for all of you who never heard that story...it means they're going out) I'm still trying to understand his "reason" for turning me down. Now...I have to rationalize his motives behind Colleen. Those don't add up either. Nothing involved in this situation makes logical sense. James explained...attempted to explain that Andrew WAS confused. Especially while one of their fathers was listing the things you should look out for in a girl (like BAGGAGE!!!) I guess he described Colleen pretty much exactly. That must suck for Andrew. But at least some one is making sense around here. Then James said he was describing the "ideal"...and it just happens that -I- fit that description. (or so James and Goo say) Anyhow, I guess Andrew was questioning himself...and his decisions...and ultimately James and Goo think that he's going to break up with her soon.

~I hope you choke on your pride when I make you swallow it~

OH! and somehow, she found out that Andrew was here Sunday (before he came by Monday) and she got all upset about it. What's the use in jealousy if she's got him nailed down with the title? I can't touch him. He's off limits. And it's not like I'm not disgusted with him anyway. I'm assuming he told her...and Goo said he told her that I like him...She thinks I'm obsessed. Someone needs to tell Andrew to get over himself. but why would he tell her about me? We never went out. We barely even talked about it. What's the use in telling her this...sure, I can understand ex-girlfriends. but not me. This just confuses me. Why would she get psycho jealous (in the first week of a relationship) unless she considers me a threat. (I'm not) Plus, lack of trust. If she doesn't trust me, that's fine. She doesn't know me. But she doesn't trust Andrew. HELLO! And why would he tell her about me??? As far as I'm concerned, he didn't give a rats ass about me. Why would I be a subject of concern in his relationship with her? DUMB!

~I was bright, but she was much brighter. I was high, but she was the sky~

I'm not gonna fight over someone I'm over. This is just stinking ridiculous. I don't want someone who doesn't even know me to think that I'm going to sabotage her relationship. I don't think I should be considered a threat. Because Andrew made his decision which did NOT include me. So I should NOT be included in it! Leave me the hell out of your disfunctional relationship! I wasn't stupid. I didn't make the mistake. So I should NOT be involved. I think it's funny though...he's having problems already...that should be a flashing sign. But like I said. I refuse to take part. On a lighter note...I just had a nice chat with Jason. Always good for a laugh. And I made plans for Thursday. (with Kristy) I invited Jason to youth group tomorrow. (cause he was trying to get me to go to the movies with him again) But he said no...too bad though. I'm very happy to be going to group. I NEED it. Ever since I had my run in with Christian bashing jerks...I've been really on edge about it. But I found a great verse that's helped a lot. It's 1 Peter 4:14 "If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you." Rock on! That is so awesome. I just happened to stumble over that today. I'm glad. So, I'm ending on that note. Because the day has been sour. And that verse is not. This entry has been pretty sour. But Thank God for tomorrow.

~Crush me, with those things you do~

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