I don't even know where I'll be next week...


08-27-03 10:49pm

~You do something to me, that I can't explain. So would it be out of line if I said, I miss you?~

I tried to update last night. Around midnight, the power went out. We had this huge storm yesterday...the power went out a few times actually. Only for a little bit. I was in the middle of a conversation with Tim on IM and everything shut down. Laurie and I had plans to go to Toledo last night and party with her cousin until all hours of the morning. Just so I could come home, go to bed, sleep for maybe 2 hours tops and then get up and go to work today. Needless to say, we cancelled the trip. Because of the storm and because I'm a pussy. I don't think I would have made it through today without a decent nights rest. I barely got that. I'll ellaborate.

~Me gusta le raggae me gusta punk rock.~

So once we decided it was too risky to attempt the drive to Toledo...tornado sightings, lots of thunder, lightning, damaging winds etc. I called TJ. Just to see what was up. Since the trip was officially off, I thought it would be nice to hang out with some people. He and Jeff were hanging out and said they'd be over in awhile. Once again with the Jeff thing. I have nothing to say about it anymore. He's a nice guy. He's not my type. Period, case closed. Laurie called Andrew at work. Typical conversation. What's up yadda yadda. Then she asked him about Davey. (Background: I happen to find Davey attractive. I mentioned that to both Laurie and Nicole at the toga party. note: I was drunk. He's really quiet and I've rarely seen him let alone talked with him. Just random run-ins. But Laurie has made it her intangible plight to hook us up. I asked her to be discreet. That tactic wasn't really working out very well.) So she asked D how to get a hold of Dave. He didn't know. He asked her why she wanted such information...and she states flat out, "Cause Laura wants to do him." Andrew said he'd pass the word along. Now, I never said that. At least not while I was being serious. I have pretty strict policies when it comes to those sorts of activities. (note: I said that about the kareoke guy at Harry's) So, looking beyond the fact that I hardly know the guy...I assume he's going to think I'm an asshole. I am an asshole. Moving on! So TJ and Jeff showed up. Jeff and I played a game of darts. Just one more to add to the list of things I suck at. Then we all played a quick game of euchre. Thankfully Jeff and TJ kicked our assed swiftly. They left. Laurie and I chilled for awhile then I came home around 11ish. I was planning on going straight to bed but started working on a post. The power went out at midnight. The update was wiped...I laid down to go to sleep. 1am, my fucking cell rings. I was so close to slumber...but I answered the phone. TJ says, "hey! what's up?" HELLO! It's one o'clock in the morning! I was sleeping. He proceeded to tell me that he and Jeff went back to Laurie's after I left. She was asleep on the couch. Then Andrew stopped by...still asleep. So I missed out on the potential "action". Eh, I missed out on nothing. The chance to get razzed by D for the whole Davey thing. woo ha! Then he started asking me all kinds of questions. When I was working...and he told me he was going to "bug me at work". I don't know. For a second or two, I thought I dreamed up the entire conversation. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

~I'd like to see you but then again, it doesn't mean you mean that much to me. So if I call you, don't make a fuss. Don't tell your friends about the two of us.~

Work...8 hours seems so much longer when there isn't much to do. The store was dead (that's no excuse...) but I tried to keep busy with customers, stock, cleaning, etc. When there are only 2 people there, it seems so silent. So Emily and I sparked up quite a bit of conversation. We made fun of Mark...behind his back and directly to his face. AJ walked by and I stopped him for some talk time. Ya, I'm definately over whatever that little "crush" was...or wasn't. I love that boy to death. But he makes me feel like the most horrible person ever. Here he is, carrying on decent social manners. And every other word out of my mouth is filthy. I look at him and think, "hmm, if only I wasn't a disgusting smoker...if I didn't drink to drown out my problems...if I was petite and cute..." Then, when he was explaining all of his bad dating experiences...I could have said, "I'm available". And it's still just yucky anyways. Cause I continue to see him as a little brother. EW!!

~Holding my last breath. Safe inside myself are all my thoughts of you.~

After worky, I went to Laurie's. We borrowed some dvd's from the library and watched Stealing Harvard. Half way through the movie, Shannon called me. Basically, she read me the riot act. She claimed to be spying on Emily. Emily is supposedly my competition. I don't see it that way at all. She said she doesn't want me to pick up bad habits. Cutting corners and such. She wants to unlock the secrets to everyone's weak spots and attempt to correct them. Riiiiiiight. So here I am, explaining every little detail of what we did all day. I don't know what the right thing to say is...If I should be covering my own ass or covering hers. I didn't think we slacked off at all today. But Shannon thought otherwise. I'm seeing shades of Kim here. It's reminding me why I avoided retail...correction. Why I avoided the mall altogether. I'm sure she called Emily either before or after our little talk to get the dirt on me too. I just wish these people would understand that, this isn't a career. I can understand that it is for Shannon. But as of right now, I'm the part time whipping girl. This is not life. I won't let that happen again. I won't let my job take over my life like I did at Journey's. I don't know where I'll be in 10 years. I don't even know where I'll be next week. I have so many thoughts running through my head. Second guessing bad decisions...I could be back in CT eventually for all I know. What does this job have to do with that? NOTHING! I could up and leave at anytime. I hate to say it but some crap ass part time job in the arm pit of America is not what I consider devastatingly important. It's definately not worth putting myself in the middle of some high school back stabbing drama. Shannon is another one of those people that I love to death. I know her too damn well. The world is full of millons...billions of intelligent beings who walk upright and use opposable thumbs. In all of our self involved glory, we forget to notice that everyone has their eyes on a different prize. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly that Shannon wants out of this life. To be accepted, to be successful, to be financially stable...I could give two shits about all of those things. I don't know what I want either. But as far as I'm concerned, if I've got a roof over my head, some food in my stomach...If my basic needs are covered then I suppose all I really want is just to fall in love and live blissfully and happily blind of all the things that complicate it.

~Not so picture perfect anymore...~

HOME
BACK

Email: holyrevelry@hotmail.com