The One Minute Orgasm...


08-24-03 12:10am

~and I dare you to forget the marks you left across my neck...~

Mi familia went to Canada this morning. I was invited but I had to work today. I was supposed to work 2-8. But for some reason I never last for more than 3 or 4 hours. The "assistant manager" sent me home at 5. YA! Another 3 hour shift. Man, I'm gonna be absolutely rich by the time payday rolls around. I really didn't mind coming home early. I'll regret it later when I can't pay my bills though. I could have gone to Canada today dammit. Lots of boozed up guys my dad's age stumbling around and talking about cars. Son of a bitch that would have been hilarious. Stupid job...stupid stupid job! So I came home after 3 hours of "work" with 2 ten minute cigarette breaks. (What is the point? Honestly people???) I got bored pretty soon after coming home to an empty house. I took the dog outside and let him run around for awhile. Then I decided to wash my car. I was only planning on washing it really quick. But I started digging around looking for a sponge and found a box full of car washing goodies. Bug and tar remover, tire shine, wheel cleaner, wax, window wipes and special car soap. So I went all out. Not only did I wash the damn thing, I waxed it, and did the wheels...I went crazy on that bitch. Do you know how much tar and gross shit builds up on the inside of your windows when you smoke in the car??? Ugh! It was so fucking disgusting. Especially when I thought about the fact that I probably have 100X that amount of tar caked on my lungs. I waxed my fucking car! How many girls do you know that do that kind of crap? When I was looking in my glovebox for something pointy to pop the lid off of the window wipes, I found a little bottle of touch up paint. All this time I was thinking, "dammit, one of these days I'm gonna have to buy some touch up paint for the scrapes and bruises on my poor little hellbeast". I had some. So I touched up the paint a little. Definately didn't do a very good job though. I think the paint was too old. You can't see the metal in the scratches but it's not smooth at all. Oh well. At least they won't rust right?

~Now I will tell you what I've done for you. 50 thousand tears I've cried...~

So, Friday night, Laurie talked me into going to the fair again. That's the 2nd time this year...and I don't think I'll EVER go again. What a waste of 5 bucks. I mean, it was well worth giving Laurie some moral support as she passed out check into cash fans for work...but I basically paid $5 to walk around and sweat for an hour and a half. I got to hang out with the new girl that she hired though. Kelly...she seemed very nice. We walked passed this guy. Just a random guy. He was absolutely beautiful...my jaw hit the littered ground and then bounced back like a cartoon. I said, "There he is..." and she was like, "who???" and I said, "The man of my dreams..." hahaha. I don't really remember exactly what he looked like now (the long brown hair and earrings...that's all it took) but Kelly said she has a friend who goes to BG that looks almost exactly like him. Hmmm...She claims that the next time he's in town, she's going to tell Laurie and we'll set up a little evening out. NICE! Now that's what I'm talking about people. You've seen the page called Thank You God. Find some boys that look like that and hook a girl up! Right...so after the fair, I told Laurie about the family leaving and that we should have Digiorno night after I got off of work on Saturday. IT'S NOT DELIVERY! That brings us to today...and work, which I already explained. And washing the car...I'm repeating myself. So I called and called and she didn't answer her phone. So I called Nicole. Nicole and Casey were planning on going out for supper at this new place that just opened up. It's called Crazy Buffet and Grill (something to that effect) She talked Laurie and Steve into it so...I got stuck by myself until almost 10pm. Laurie and Steve finally showed up and we watched Powder...ate some pizza and brownies. It was a pretty calm and quiet evening until around midnight when the movie ended and they got ready to leave. TJ called. "you guys should come over". I explained that we'd spent Friday through Monday of this week partying and we didn't really want to anymore. So he asked me why I never call him and tell him about all the shit that's going on. I probably said, "I don't know". But what I was thinking was, "well, when we were 'whatever', I called you and invited you out all of the time. But you never wanted to go out. Now that you have your own apartment, you still never want to go out. You want everyone to come to you. Or you're working. Why don't you ever call me during daylight hours when normal people make plans??? Because I really don't enjoy being out until 4am." Okay, here I go again with ranting and raving about TJ. But for crying out loud...once I got off the phone with him tonight, Laurie brought up a conversation she had with Kir the other night while she was in town. I'd had a short talk with her at B-dubs about TJ's current behavior. Didn't think much of it...I just thought she would know and understand since she's gone through the whole TJ situation a few times now. Well, I guess she asked Laurie what was up with The TJ and I. Laurie knows me all too well. She said that it was awkward and stupid after our "thing" but we're cool now. Only he's been acting his strange self again lately. One minute he says, "oh you want me" (which I don't really appreciate, I tend to take offense to false statements) and the next minute he's being nice and calling to invite us over every other day. Kirsten basically solidified our assumptions. He just likes thinking that he's got some harem of girls who would drop anything to hang out with him. I can't speak for anyone else...But as for me, I honestly don't mind hanging out on the occasion. As friends....with a group of more friends. I don't think I could hang out with ONLY him like we did for those few short weeks. Mainly because conversation doesn't go any further than "what have you been up to? or How was your day?" But I've got other fish to fry. I'm not sitting around and daydreaming about that unflattering bleached hair just waiting for his calls. Give me a box of black hair dye, some gel, a couple of weeks worth of therapy and I could work wonders with that boy. Set him up with someone real nice. I don't even know why he'd want to hang out with me. I'm really not great company unless you know me very well. He's just using me to play cards with my friends. (hahaha) I'm such an asshole. I could be all wrong. He may just be up to his dirty tricks again. Trying to hook me up with that Jeff guy. (Not my type) I can't handle a normal nice guy with normal style and a decent job. What's that??? I'm an asshole. I need to find someone to keep up with that. I gotta have a guy with an equal amount of problems or MORE problems. That's even better. A head case...with a badass facade. Someone like...

~I wonder wonder which one of us is gonna state the obvious. And I wonder if you already know, that I gotta let you go...~

So I just thought I'd mention Nicole's plans for the future. We got to talking about some weird shit earlier and she said, "when I grow up, I'm gonna find a bunch of smart people and invent the one minute orgasm. I'd be rich!" WHAT?!?! She claims she's going to pinpoint all of the brain functions that react during an orgasm, and hook them all to a button planted under the skin. So when you do, you push this "button" and it lasts for an entire minute. I tried to explain to her that a minute doesn't seem that long but if your brain is firing off all these neurons for a whole 60 seconds...it's just not going to be pretty. Although the concept is wonderful...I explained the idea to Laurie and Steve when they were here a few hours ago and Steve agreed with me. He seems to think that a minute would be way too long. And then he described how he thinks the body respond if something like that were to occur. Lots of uncontrollable drooling and convulsing he explained and then demonstrated. I found that quite entertaining. I never really timed the length of a typical orgasm...next time I definately will. And I say, we only lengthen it by 10-20 seconds. Not too long and not too short. It's a happy middle ground. Now if we could only find those smart people and make this thing happen...Who wants to be a test subject???

~I am fixed to lay with my arms out learnin' to fly through the darkest space...~

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