08-20-00 Sunday


I can feel it. It’s awful. The weather is changing…It’s getting chilly, and I saw my first fallen brown leaves while I was mowing earlier today. I’m so sad. The summer is going, going…gone. And I’ve done nothing. POO! I sat around most of the day. I mowed…I watched movies. But that’s not really productive. I know, that I need to go out and look for a job. It’s not going to just fall in my lap. But I have no motivation. No one is kicking me and saying, “hey loser! Go get a frickin’ job!” I’m sure they would. But I tend to get picky…and I shoot down suggestions. Then they get mad at me. And choose not to help. I just get discouraged too easily. Anyhow, I think I may be sick. I’m not sure what the deal is…but a few days ago, I got this sharp but dull pain in the lower left side of my abdomen. And it stopped…but it comes back sometimes. It’s strange. And I don’t know if this has anything to do with it…but I sleep, like you wouldn’t believe. I got home earlier than usual last night…before midnight!!! And I went to bed at 12:09am. But I slept until noon!?!? I mean, sure…I’d been getting home at 1 or 2 in the morning…and staying up until 3 or 4. I can almost understand sleeping that long in those cases. But honestly, I should NOT be sleeping until noon. That’s insane. I don’t know what my problem is.

~Why you gotta be so mean to me?~

So Nicole and I went to the mall. I don’t remember…oh ya, she had a gift certificate. So we went to the mall. Then we ended up at the fair. Some of her community service group friends wanted her to go with them, so she convinced me to join them. It ended up being pretty fun. Better than the night before. I don’t know what that was. Maybe because I didn’t see very many people that bothered me. It was just smoother. Even though we did mainly the same things. Walk around…walk around…eat fair food…lose Brad and Pierce…walk around…find Brad and Pierce…walk around…go to leave…run into Andrew!?!?! Of course. He tapped my shoulder. I wouldn’t have noticed him…and BAM! He asked if we’d seen James. Said he and the guy he was with…Chris??? They lost the group they were with. Then Travis saw us. And ran over to give both Nicole and I a hug. Then walked away…then things went kind of silent…and so we took off. (Nicole and I) I got a hug from him though…(whoopee…no) He smelled…so nice. Nicole and I were talking about that on the phone earlier. (Not specifically about Andrew…NO!) But she said that since Tyler’s been gone…she sees people making out on TV, and it’s just…GRRR!. And I said, “ya, take that, multiply it by 100, and you’ve got what I feel like.” And she’s like, “multiply it by a thousand.” Laughs…And then I said, “ya. Then smell Andrew’s cologne!!! That’s like cruel and unusual punishment!”

~It’s the way he looks at you. Says to me, “this isn’t over.” From the outside looking in, you say there’s nothing sacred here…nothing sacred. You can bend, but you can’t break…~

If you ever wanted to know what girl talk actually sounds like…that’s it. HEY! There’s an entry for the “sex diary”! (the “sex diary” is an inside joke…I read this article…and ya. It said that by writing down and knowing what turns you on…it’s supposed to make you sexier?!?! I know. Weird. But whatever.) What turns me on…is the smell of a guy…generally. Most of the time…ok, some of the guys I know smell good. Like James, Goo, and Andrew used to ALL wear Curve. That stuff is wonderful. There for awhile, me, Laurie, and Nicole were obsessed with Hugo. Laurie had a bottle of it that she carried around in her backpack at school. Little Stubbs always smells good. I don’t know what he wears. But yes. Cologne is definitely a turn on…for me. Moving on. I’ve taken to typing out my journal entries on my laptop, then transferring them to the other computer. Because my brother has taken over the back room. It’s a mess. And it’s always full of his crap. He’s corrupted the computer back there. That really ticks me off. Nicole tried to call here…ALL DAY! And he was on the net. ALL DAY!!! He’s been back there…He pokes out for meals, and probably rest room breaks. But otherwise, I haven’t seen him. Growl…

~Sappy pathetic little me, that was the girl I used to be. You had me on my knees. I’d trade you places any day. I’d never thought you could be that way, but you looked like me on Sunday.~

Happy Sunday!

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