04-09-01 Monday

~You can call me crazy. Say I'm insecure. But I don't wanna be just another girl.~

Ugh. It's been so crazy. Non-stop. GO GO GO GO GO! Sigh, and right now, I'm pretending like I shouldn't be studying for my psych test tomorrow. Bright and early tomorrow morning. And I'm gonna walk in there. TOTALLY unprepared. Is that surprising? Probably not. I think the grades I got last quarter gave me this big headedness that just won't quit. Everytime I skip history, I think, "oh, this is really bad. I shouldn't skip class. But wait! I skipped SO MANY classes last quarter. And still got kick butt grades. HA!" It's not a good way to look at things. Oh well. If I can't do it now, then I'll do it sometime in my life when it's REALLY important. So why not?! I've been thinking a lot lately. That's not such a good idea either. Thinking is just a terrible terrible invention. So ya. I have a few stories...here goes.

"Don't make me come up there Poop."
-Ben: talking to the pseudo-piggy poop that he threw at the ceiling in the store and it got stuck.

Nicole and I...spend so much time together. And recently, I don't know. Since the Tyler thing...and I've been with Kyle...we've had more than a few fights. We're ok right now. And she's grown QUITE the thing for one of the twins. So we spend quite a lot of time with them. It's all a big goofy thing. We went to Findlay on Saturday. Kory, Kyle (the twins), Crazy Jon, Nicole and I. My Kyle couldn't go. He had been out all week. And sometimes his parents get a little strict happy. Anyhow, that was fun. Jon cracks me up. I'm almost glad nothing ever did happen with us. We kinda realized that it wasn't so right. And now we're better friends for it. good good. Helps me understand that God knows what He's doing. And I can't say enough how perfectly happy I am with Kyle. I can't stress it enough. So anyhow, what point was I attempting to reach. Probably none. oh, I was just trying to say that I've been spending most of my free time dinking around with mostly Nicole, Jon, and my Kyle (we must make the distinction between Kyle's.) And occasionally the twins too. The other night when we went cruisin' though...I don't know, something was up. I'm not cool with putting it here. I don't want anyone mad. Especially my boyfriend. I'd rather talk to him about it. I just haven't gotten to that conversation yet. What I have noticed about Kyle...is that it bothers him when I talk about guys. He just doesn't say anything. I wonder if Jon bothers him. I know Danny does. And even though we all work in the same store (which really sucks when your best friend and boyfriend ALL work with you) I never see Danny. And I honestly couldn't care less. I hear he got shot down the other day by one of Shannon's friends. That's pretty funny. I always knew that he wasn't really the IDEAL guy. I think I just imagined the whole thing. Anyhow. poitn point, did I have a point? Ah yes, and the new Verizon guy bothers Kyle. I was working the other day, and this Verizon guy (he's good looking...but in that far too well groomed...and extremely arrogant type of way) he gets bored sitting at his little stand (right across the hall from our store) so he'll talk to anyone he can. He was talking to Kim, and I walked up front to take back over the greeting. (I'd gone potty or something) and he strikes up a conversation with me. We make fun of him cause he drinks water all day. He seriously drank about 9 bottles of Aquafina and had to use our bathroom 20 gazillion times. Anyhow, he has me watch his stand while he goes to pee. He comes back and says, "he he I've got you guys trained now." and I said, "excuse me? I'm not your dog. you can't train me. Just see if i watch your stupid stand again." So he came over and tried to do this little suck up charm thing. I've been through this too many times with Ben. I know better. He tells me this "joke". Grabs my arm. I jerk it back and say, "don't write on my arm." and he's like, "i won't." then makes two dots on my arm and says, "what's the difference between these two mice?" I'm thinking, just get it over with and let go of my arm. So I say, "I don't know." and he scrapes the pen across my arm, and says, "this one has a tail." oooooh soooo funny!!! only NO! That pissed me off. Kyle came in later. And hears about it. Kyle calls him the narcissistic bastard. (if I could spell) He got a little hatey about it. But hey, what can I do? I'm hot (kidding. my self esteem...is almost non-existant) But Nicole seems to think that ALL guys think I'm hot. Very NOT true. Only the stupid ones. Moving on.

~Her boyfriend, he don't know, anything about her.~

I was chatting a bit with Jesse earlier. We had made this whole deal a long time ago that he was going to come here, and bring the band. I wanted to meet him so badly. I highly doubt that'll ever happen now. We had talked man, back in December...and I sent him those pictures, and then we didn't talk for a LONG time. The whole thing with Kyle and I went down, and the last time I talked to Jess, I mentioned that I had a boyfriend now. At first he was a little...I don't know. Then he said Kyle better watch out when he came to visit. I talked to him a few minutes ago, and he was all, "well I doubt I'll be able to visit anytime soon." He's saving up money to buy a van for the band to carry all their stuff around in. And he refuses to come before he has it. He was supposed to send me a cd of their new stuff when it's recorded. (and pictures) They still haven't done that. Supposedly the 28th. But he won't be able to send it for a few months. huh. I'm a very impatient girl. So I'm thinking...it's too late. He's a good guy to talk to. I don't mind that all. But I think once in a great while is enough for me. If he's not willing to back up all these things he's promised...too bad. Ya, Jesse even bothered Kyle for awhile. Like 7 hours driving distance is a reason to be paranoid. But I suppose I can't say anything. Because EVERYTHING makes me jealous. And I'm not kidding. I can name about 3 or 4 girls that really bother me. Everytime they're mentioned...and even when I see them. But he could rattle off any female name, and I'm like, "and who's that?!" I guess that gives him a right to get antsy when I talk about all the guys I hang out with from school. ha ha. And honestly, they had their chance. TOO LATE! I'm satisfied.

~Say you know but you don't. Say you love but you won't. Stretching out your arms for something that's just not there.~

Speaking of school. I am REALLY tired of classes already. The other morning when I woke up, I seriously thought about going in and dropping all of my classes this quarter. And finding another part time job...and work work working all summer. Then I took a shower and went to class. There's just no motivation. If I suggest skipping, Lisa agrees. We leave. If she suggests it, we leave. Sometimes I just don't wanna go when i wake up. So I don't. I'm bad. And I feel guilty. But then again, I don't. I think if it doesn't come easily to me, then I just shouldn't learn it. I'm such a lazy ass. We skipped history today. After psych, I'm always dead tired. And just thinking about listening to Churella (Chinkilla) talk about the Progressive Era makes my eyes crust over and I yawn...and then BAM! Nap time. Instead, we sat in Reed Hall lobby and watched this Cardinal dive bomb the window. He's been there all quarter. Lovely red bird. Sits on the branches of this tree right next to the window, and as it sways in the wind, the branch moves, and he taps on the glass. Then he'll swoop around and KABLAM into the windows. We named him KABLAM. Then we played Ultimate Frisbee. I love how we all get along when Jason's not there. Brad wasn't there either. It was a blast. (hee hee) I got stung by something. eh. I'm tough.

~Whenever we kiss I get to feelin' like this. I get to wishin that there were two of you...I can't get enough of you baby.~

Nicole and I got this great idea to go Ninja on Saturday after we got back from cruisin. We attacked Lisa's car and got her back for the shaving cream last quarter. We'll just say mousse, vasaline, and cottage cheese. I'm tired of telling the story. It was hilarious. And that's all I'm sayin. Hmm, Just wanted to get Kyle back for his big night out at the talent show. I had FUN! You weren't there...rub it in, rub it in! Ok. I feel better now. Ya, this thing with Kyle is getting worse and worse. When we're together, I want to be close to him, when we're close, I wanna be closer. It's getting bad. He just so...and I...and ya. He told me today that my one senior picture on the wall in my living room is dead sexy. I'm NOT dead sexy. But when he says it, I really almost believe I could be. And he (or Joy) invited me to dinner tonight. And he invited me to his dad's wedding a long time ago. I said no cause...I don't really know any of these people. and I don't wanna get stuck talking to Rachel all night.But today, Joy asked Kyle if I was going. AHH! The family...it's scary Laura. You've never been invited to a family gathering like that...well, if you don't count James' birthday at his house with his parents...and that was just weird. We don't need a repeat of that. James family really loves me though. His sisters especially Audrey. And Doug and Ginger always invite me in when I stop by even if james isn't there. I know too much about all the stuff that went down there. Sometimes I think I shouldn't. But it helps James and my friendship. I really love that kid. But Kyle's family tends to frighten me. There are just far too many of them. His parents are divorced, and they both have new people. They're both getting remarried. So there's 2 others to worry about. He's got a little brother, and a step sister. Too complicated. I don't know. I think I'm paranoid. I feel like they all look at me as this "older girl" who's looking to corrupt an innocent mind. Rachel seems to think we're boinking. And his mom is all about peeking out the door when I take him home. I think Joy thinks I'm some slum loser. I don't know. His dad's not so bad. And his little brother is a trip. His dog is cute. But the midgit...that's another story. I gotta go to bed.
Big test tomorrow.

~look at the stars. look how they shine for you.~

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