04-07-00 Friday


Yo yo yo!

It's Friday...I'm at home...but that's ok. I chose to be here. I had an offer to do something tonight. But...well, I'll get to that eventually.

~It's not my time to wonder why~

I'm driving to school this morning...I made it ALL the way into the parking lot before my car decided to die. I rolled into a parking space just as the "check engine" light turned on. I think it's more serious than I thought. But it started after school...barely got me home. Oh well.

~Despise you that control me~

I'm finding more and more reasons to poke my eyes out everyday. Just this week alone...I've had so many run-ins with...I don't know...people? Not just random people. Like...for example: A certain "source" has spilled the beans to me. He says that I am this...intangible type beauty. That's supposed to explain why I never have a boyfriend...and why guys don't talk to me...because I intimidate them. I'm scary I know...but not in that way. (I don't think) and then...yesterday, Mr. Jock...Mr. Athletic...Mr. Quarterback informs me that if he wasn't otherwise attached he'd be after me. (easy for him to say. He's been "attached" to the same girl for the past two years.) I was asked on a date by another football player. But I didn't take him seriously. It seemed as though he was joking. and he's too young for me anyhow. Then...I find out (well, I had the feeling a while ago) but it was confirmed today that Mr. Prom Date has feelings for me. GREAT! I don't want prom to be uncomfortable. I purposefully dressed down when we went tux shopping today. BIG Hurley sweatshirt...jeans. I looked like poo. but that never seems to bother people. He invited me to go to some talent show thingy tonight...but I turned him down. I haven't really heard anything from Chris. He...is avoiding me I think. Mike hasn't replied STILL! and...Jason called this evening. It's his birthday. So Happy Birthday again!!! It's just...all of these things happen all at once. I'm having a meltdown. My head is going to explode. (if not from the too many guys thing then from arrogance.) For Pete's sake!

~Their souls are lost because they could never find...what's this life for???~

I've been chatting with my cousin for a bit. She's on the opposite side of the wall. It's still guy problems. Just a different version. I was explaining the "Quality Rule" to her. and she seems to think she has her standards set a bit too high. In my opinion, I don't think you can set them high enough. If only...if only she could see my problem. I think she'd be happier in her own shoes. I don't want to hurt feelings. Half of these guys I don't think I could be involved with period. (not saying who) I mean...is tall, dark, and extra handsome too much to ask for??? Not at all. Just someone with similar interests. Someone who understands me...that's not going over-board. That's just it though. When I see guys who fall into those categories...they wouldn't give me a second glance. Ex: Dan...we had awesome conversations about music...things we both like. but I had no chance. (that and, he has some dirty habits...and an ego like you wouldn't believe) I just feel like I'm being pursued right now. and sometimes that isn't so bad...(when you're not surrounded by 2000 "hunters".) It's absolutely CRAZY!

~so I held my head up high, hiding hate that burns inside, which only fuels their selfish pride~

*sigh* I suppose that's enough for now.
(happy birthday Jason)

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