04-30-00 Sunday *day after prom*


Sleepyhead...I'm so tired. I didn't really get up until noon. But my whole body is sore. Especially my leg...I stepped down on it funny at the bowling alley, and last Saturday came back to haunt me. Everything is haunting me right now. Just experiences in general. But...moving on. I suppose I'll switch over to the entry from my "paper journal" last night.

I avoided as much contact as I could. (without being absolutely rude) I tried not to dance too closely. I was trying really hard...but he got a little carried away during one of the slow songs and kissed my neck. I guess I ignored it. I figure, hey, if the boy thinks he can pull my strings (first of all, he's wrong) but whatever. He obviously doesn't know that I know that he has a girlie. Uh huh...and what I can't stand more than anything is a cheater.

right...but that's not even the half. That was just at the dance. Besides that, the dance was...a dance. You've been to one, you've been to them all. It was kinda fun to see the gym all decorated...and my friends all glammed up. but for the most part, it was just another dance. and post-prom was...post-prom. My date didn't ditch me...I at least got a little bit of attention. (I thrive on that stuff) it was a bit awkward...but whatever. Switching back to my "paper journal"...

I was tired...I lounged on a chair for awhile...but Will...he pulled out all the stops. Every move in the book...poking...tickling...sitting on me...pinching me...massaging my shoulders...it was like flashback to Jason. I ignored it as much as physically possible. But I'm sure it looked like we were ALL over each other. (clue = funny looks from Nicole, Ashley and Laurie) Will's friend Cory kept making trips down to our lane. I think he was keeping his eye on him. (which is good cause i couldn't keep him off of me on my own) By this point in time, I was tired of fighting...so I gave up. We got back to my house at about 3:30am. I rushed to grab my stuff from his trunk, and tried to give him a quick hug. (I mean...he DID take me to prom...and he's not a bad guy) but he snuck another one of those lovely neck kisses in...

I just hope that this doesn't really mean anything to him. I don't want to make a big deal about it. Because I'm just avoiding EVERYTHING right now. I was burned already this week. I mean seriously...I'm barely over that. I need to stop involving myself in situations like this. I could have stopped the whole thing...I'm sure. I hate being mean to people...(Like I was to Jason) but honestly...I am NOT the relationship type. And I can't stand being pursued...(unless it's by someone that I had picked out myself) I don't enjoy the game at all. I would be so happy if I didn't have to go through the whole thing...and I could just be settled into a not-so-serious-laid-back type of relationship. And I wouldn't have to work so hard on it...and it would always just be simple. But that's not how it is. I mean...I always think it's easier to be simple...but it's so much more fun to be complex. That's why I wrote a poem called. So Much More I understand the whole concept of high school relationships. There is no reason for me to have one. It wouldn't be a learning experience. It would just be another hassle. Another thing to add to the list of stress related aspects in my life. And I probably sound extremely disenchanted. I'm not. I mean...if I was...then that whole thing with Mike wouldn't have happened. My feelings do get the best of me occasionally. But not very often. I don't enjoy being weak.

~Love is trusting, love is honest, love is not a hand to hold you down. I don't know when I got bitter, but love is surely better when it's gone~

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