04-02-00 Sunday


Ahh yes, finally home. But I'm going to write in order. So I'll start with Wednesday. Then move on from there.

~i wanna be just like you. i wanna feel right through you.~

Wednesday night at youth group was...It was awesome. Outreach night...more than 200 students there...it was amazing. Being a part of that is just...it can't be justified by words. After youth group, we went to Arby's (even though we've been kicked out of there) I was standing in line and realized, "I'm not hungry. Why am I standing in line???" Then Kyle P. came over and asked me to get him a shake. So I stayed in line. Rob comes in and goes off on this tangent about almost dying. He rode with Channie (that should explain everything) but for those of you who have never been in her car. (#1. you're lucky) and #2. She drives like a maniac. I was telling Rob about her little accident involving the McDonald's drive-thru, and all of a sudden, another voice chimes into our conversation. The guitar player from Broken Yoke (Matt) starts asking me all kinds of questions. "well, how'd she do that? who is this person?" I was stunned. I stumbled over words...I couldn't think straight. I was at a loss for speech. Now, we must understand, sometimes my mind works faster than my mouth, and I can't speak right. But NEVER, and I mean NEVER has a guy had me in this sort of position. I stood there for a second...and then tried to answer him. Rob helped a little. He pointed out Channie. But Matt didn't even look at Rob. He had me in this lock. He was looking right into my eyes...I don't know what happened. But I couldn't keep eye contact with him. He was looking directly at me, but I was shifting from side to side and giving Rob this desperate "help me!" stare. Luckily, there were so many things happening at once...Laura asked me to get her a cup for water, and I realized I had forgotten what Kyle asked me to get for him...Talk about confusing. I figure, I was so shocked because I had placed Matt on a pedestal before I had even met or spoken to him. He's Matt, the awesome guitar player from Broken Yoke. Matt, the awesome Christian example...I never thought he would talk to me. But now, once B.Y. gets famous, I can say, "Hey I talked to the guitar player once at Arbys." Right...

~the mind is all we kiss everything we say we love it's the skin we're in.~

So Thursday, we left for Massolin. (the "BIG" choir trip) *sigh* I suppose Massolin wasn't all that bad. Nicole and I got stuck with a snobby host family. We didn't get to go to this cool pub where everyone else got to go and meet the advanced choir students. We went to Friendly's...The worst service EVER! and then went "home" and slept. Then Friday, we went back to the school, and observed 2 of their choirs. We toured the school (which is huge!!!) and a few of us went on a tour of the stadium with Adam and Tyrell. (these two were a laugh riot) Nicole explains that if she went to Massolin, then Tyrell would be her boyfriend. He was a hottie. I can't deny that. Once we were all on the bus ready to leave, Tyrell started doing his "free-style walking". He told everyone about it, then said he wouldn't do it. It's hilarious though. He did a running handstand on a cement wall. Then jumped off of it and clicked his heels. Free-style walking is basically just jumping off of things and making a fool of yourself. Very entertaining... We went to Akron to see Steinway hall (a bunch of pianos in an old house) but we never really got to see the pianos because Rachel C. got sick. We rehearsed with Dr. Jacobs for like an hour...They decided to take Rachel to the hospital, and we headed over to the University for a tour. Only it wasn't really a tour. Our guide took us through the 2 music buildings then we observed an opera class. (SNORE) Then off to the spaghetti warehouse. (their food isn't all that great.) but the waiter was hot. Katie got a picture of him. Jonas and I played video games. We got Rachel then took off for the hotel. THAT was fun. We ran around the hotel! We got to swim. It WAS fun. Until lock-down at 10:30pm. Antonia put my hair in braids. Nicole plucked Rachel R's eyebrows. That was funny. "GET YOUR FACE OVER HERE!" ...laughs... "UNLESS YOU WANT LOPSIDED EYEBALLS, YOU BETTER LEAN YOUR HEAD BACK DAMMIT!!"...laughs... "that one was in there pretty tight..." ...giggle..."HEY, WE ALMOST HAVE ENOUGH FOR A WIG FOR A SMALL CHILD!!!"...falls on the floor laughing so hard... It was hilarious. I almost cried I was laughing so hard.

~i'm addicted to fools...~

Nicole and I got up early the next morning to go to Bob Evans for breakfast. (it was nice) Once everyone was rounded up on Saturday morning, we went to the Cleveland Browns stadium (the new one) it was dumb and tiring. I like to call that, "Beery is in love with the Browns so he made the rest of us suffer through an hour long tour." One good thing that came out of it though...Missy and I pooled $22.00 to buy our bus driver a Browns hat. (our driver, Lynn... He looked like a Scottish Santa Claus) He liked it a lot. (He's a huge Browns fan too) Then we went to the Rock & Roll hall of fame. Rachel C. and I took off scoping out hot guys the whole time we were there. But first we ate. (sucky food) there were these punkers at a table near ours. They were totally drunk. Spilling beer everywhere... So we took off, looked at the exibits. they gave us 3 hours in this place... and honestly we only would have needed about 2. We were told to meet at the front door at 4:30pm. but Rachel and I ran into Beery at 3:30 and he said to tell everyone the time was changed to 4. So we went looking for our group. This place is huge...So that was quite the task. We were looking over a ledge, and this group of high school kids walk in. So we stared at 4 of the guys until they noticed us. (i think we freaked them out) it was funny though. We ran into the drunk-punkers again. They followed us through the hip-hop exibit. Up an escalator(sp???) and the one guy goes, "c'mon girls, speed up." and I'm like, "we can only go as fast as this thing moves." and he's like, "you could always walk up it." and I said, "do you enjouy hassling people???" and he says, "yes! Do you enjoy being hassled???" I laughed and said, "actually, I do." That was that. Rachel found a little blue ball by the stairs and was carrying it around. We go past this group of guys...and the one guy screams, "hey, that's my ball!" and Rachel's like, "no, it's mine. can you prove it's yours??? are there any distinctive marks on the ball???" he goes, "please!!!" and Rachel's like, "BEG!" so he gets on his knees and pleads for the stupid ball. Then Rachel says, "cry...big tears!" so he pretend cried while still on his knees...so she gave him the ball. See boys, it only takes sooo much pleading and begging, and you can have anything you want. (laugh)

~i don't wanna come back down from this cloud. it's taken me all this time to find out what i need.~

We went to the Tower city mall in Cleveland... That was an experience. Rachel was my mall partner. We took off looking for a prom dress (for her of course) She found one at Dillards but we had to run to Hard Rock If we were going to be there on time. We ended up having to wait outside until they were ready. So we were peering over the edge at some guys. (we decided to do the same thing that we did to the boys at the hall of fame.) but when they looked up at us, we waved at them. At least they waved back. We ate...and again the waiter was hot. We all got a picture with him. That was good fun. Then Rachel and I took off again. Back to Dillards so she could get that dress. But when we got there, they were closed! Who could have guessed that they closed at 6 and the rest of the mall closed at 9! So we went to the record store. I got Sixteen Stone finally. Nathan was there. His group left him behind, so he hung out with us. Rachel and I decided to give him a few fashion tips. (he wears nothing but jeans and t-shirts) we took him to Structure AND Gap. But he didn't find anything he liked. He's too tall. It's hard to find clothes that fit him right. We finally took off at 8. I got home last night at 11:30pm. and slept in my own bed. It was so nice. So nice that I didn't get up until 2pm this afternoon. Mom and I talked about this stupid Insurance crap. I HAVE to get a job by the end of this month now. Which sucks. But I suppose I knew it would happen eventually. I need to get out of the house more often. But my car is giving me all sorts of problems. I hate driving it. I love my car...when it works. but I''m just frustrated with it right now.

~better just to lose yourself we kiss we kiss we kiss pretty words could never say will you come again~

I got on to check my mail last night (a few new messages...nothing from Mike *frown*) I really wanted to hear from him. I did talk to Jason for a little while though. He didn't have much to say. *sigh* I think he's busy. Or I'd message him right now. I'm lost...when it comes to that situation. I think I'm choosing to avoid it. I can't even explain how I feel. It's extremely complicated. I like him. He's a nice guy. But he's way at college... and I'm here finishing up my senior year. I don't think I know him well enough to say whether or not I LIKE him like him...I wouldn't mind getting to know him. He's interesting. That's just the thing. I'm sure he wouldn't mind...but it's always the challenge with me. I think it was Kir who said that it's me choosing him not him choosing me. I like it that way. but I always get burned that way. (i.e. danny, dan, etc.) just because I like a guy doesn't mean he's going to like me. And it's the opposite with Jason. He was putting the moves on me...and I didn't really have a choice. I didn't mind it...but...I don't know. The whole thing with Mike is...my cousin (and everyone else) thinks I like Mike. But I've never really talked to him. (I'd like to. That's why it upsets me a bit that he hasn't replied to my message) But the thing with Mike is completely different than the thing with Jason. It was purely physical attraction with Mike. (that and the fact that I don't believe in coincidence. There HAS to be some reason why I just happened to run into this guy not only once but twice in my life.) I've never had an actual conversation with him...and with Jason, it's more like, he's shooting to kill, and I'm running away because I'm not used to being the prey. I'm always the hunter. There's nothing wrong with him. but it shocks me I guess. That anyone could be so straight forward about their feelings. (even though I am, I'm not used to anyone else being blunt) It's strange. I couldn't explain it if I tried. I probably confused everyone. (including Jason and myself) with that. Words couldn't even begin to explain how I feel. So...whatever.

I'm going to archive. So if you missed anything from March, look here... ARCHIVES
HOME
CONFLICTS