04-28-00 Friday


~Here in the Southtown you know that kid don't play. Put it down in the streets, will I see another day. If I make it back this time, gots to hold what is mine. And thank God that I made it alive.~

I didn't think I'd like P.O.D. I thought they'd be too rappish. but it's all good. I really liked Southtown so I figured why not buy the cd. Along with Tonic, No Doubt, and Bush. (I've been on this weird Bush kick lately) I'm dubbing today "Crazy Shopping Day". I went after school with Rachel (who would have thought...ME hanging out with Rachel!) It was strange, I admit. And I found out that a lot of people don't like her. But she's been nothing but sweetness to me. So I'm not holding anything against her. Besides that, we have fun together. She is hilarious. But ya, we went to the mall...and ran into every person imaginable. Some guy she knows from Wapak (Jeremy???) he was ok. Kinda...primpy. It's those pretty boys. I can't stand 'em. Right...we saw Amanda, Missy (who gave us a dirty look???) and Kyle. It's been weird that way. I've seen so many people...But we'll get into that later. I mean it's the mall. You're bound to run into someone you know. Especially the night before prom. Moving on...So I went shopping with my mom. My brother is having his birthday party/sleepover tonight. and seeing as it's like frickin' amazing that the boy finally has friends, my mom likes to spoil them. We went to the "little" mall. Because they have a huge arcade, (picture the drool running down little 12-13 year old boys) So we had to find things to do...we went in Claires (they were having a big sale!) and I'm an accessory freak. We also went to NRM (or should I say Waves???) that's where I went a little nuts with the music. Right. Then we went to Godfather's for dinner...Three screaming boys, my mother, and I...The first person I see when I walk in is this guy from my school, (I've never really talked to him) named Steve. And I've noticed something lately...and maybe I'm just imagining things (like I obviously tend to do) but I've noticed him staring...or just catching a glimpse here and there. I thought it was a little ironic. And then, right before we were about to leave...that guy from youth group walked in with a bunch of his friends. I JUST mentioned this guy in the journal...and now I happen to run into him...man...I wish I believed in coincidence. But I don't. Everything happens for a reason. But I have yet to figure out the reason.

~So why do we choose the boys that are naughty? I don't fit in so why do you want me? And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying...~

I was sitting in the minivan while mommy and the boys went in the store...and I just happened to peer out into the parking lot. Who do I see...(that obviously didn't see me) My aunt and my cousin pulled out from Fazoli's. And drove on past...strange...but in the short time that I was alone in the van, I got to thinking. (I'm NEVER idle. I'm always doing something, so if I'm sitting still...I'm thinking) ya...I was thinking about the fact that I can't just fall for a normal guy...It always has to be these oddballs. And afterwards, I'm always like, "What was I thinking???" I mean...it's like I do it on purpose. Because normal boys are boring. They aren't interesting in the slightest. But with weird boys...there's always something going on. They do fun things. There's never a dull moment. I like chaos. So I bring most of these "silly boy problems" on myself. Are there any fun, exciting, normal (half decent looking) guys out there? Cause I haven't met any. Jason and I argued about my pickiness. He says I have an attitude. It's terrible. and that thing with Mike...I don't know what to say. It was a moment of weakness??? I refuse to explain myself. But really...I think I have some serious issues. Mostly in the relationship department. Throw me a frickin' bone!

~Your wildness scares me. so does your freedom. You say you can't stand the restrictions. I find myself trying to change you. If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to.~

Yes...I'm listening to No Doubt. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. I'm so jealous of Gwen. She's cute. EVEN with pink hair! She's a punker...and STILL looks cute. Grr! and I should probably get some sleep. Prom is tomorrow, and I need my beauty rest. (whatever!!!) I'm just ready for it to be done and over with. It's only turned into a hassle. Where are we eating...when are we eating...are we going to post prom...are we going to Nicole's...what are we going to do at Nicole's...are we going out for breakfast...where are we going for breakfast...what color flowers...where am I getting my hair done...how am I going to get my hair done...who's paying for what...i still need to get film...KRIKEY!!! I'm stressin'. goodness...I should go to bed. Ok, I'm going now.

~I don't know when I got bitter, but love is surely better when it's gone. 'cause you wanted more. More than I could give...~

I really love that song.

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