I wanna know when I've begun


04-19-03

~well I've seen a thousand things in one place but I stopped my counting when I saw your face erasing memory I feel as though I've never seen a face before until I saw your eyes smiling back at me thru my tears I've been counting all these years Now suddenly the thousand things I've seen were nothing more than dreams of you and me you and me quietly at a stand still fortunately you will kiss me and I'll kiss you back fact of the matter of is that I don't know what the latter is that I always wanted to kiss you but I always wanted to run from you Because I always wanted to miss you And that I've always wanted to come for you~

So TJ's totally pissed off at me now. We spent the beginning of the day together...and everything was fine. I had gotten over my little stupid moody girl tiff from last night. And I called him. So we hung out. Here's where I made the mistake. I should have just deleted that shit because it was stupid. And I was throwing a pity party for myself. And I should have just kept it to myself. He thinks I lied to him about going to Easter with my grandma. She called the other day when I wasn't here and asked my mom if I wanted to come along. I didn't hear about it until last night. Then she called again this afternoon and I said I would join her. I just had to talk to TJ about it. And she'd find out which mass they were going to yada yada. So she called me back at like a quarter after 10. I'd fallen asleep cause I had a killer headache. But I was glad she called cause she woke me up. TJ had invited me to the movies tonight. And this quasi-party that his roommate was throwing. So I called him to see when he wanted me to show up at the theater. And he got all bitchy and said he didn't want me to come. Then hung up on me. So I called back a few minutes later to try and figure out what the problem was. And he said something about "I'll get to read all about it later on your stupid journal." So I came to the conclusion that he'd read whatever I wrote last night. And got pissed off about it. Now I'm not one to apologize for this fucking site. Even though it's gotten me in more trouble than it's worth. So the apology is this, I'm sorry that I talk too much and my mouth gets my ass in trouble. I'm sorry that whatever I said pissed you off. I'm sorry that I'm trying to repair relationships within my family instead of hangind out with yours. And I'm sorry that I expect things from a relationship (whatever kind of relationship it may be) and when they aren't there, I complain. I like TJ...and I fucked it up. Amen, Laura is a big fucking loser. The least he could have done was discuss it with me like an adult. But if that's the way it is than so be it.

~I can't regret it. Can't you just forget it. I started something I couldn't finish.~

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