Notes from the Fishbowl
4-11-2005
	One of my customers came in the other day...so ridiculous. The man was wearing the tightest pair of jeans I have ever seen (next to Kyle's girl pants) cowboy boots and some atrocious short sleeved button up. The shirt was tucked in and only half buttoned so his chest hair was ablaze with his sunglasses hanging from the opening of the shirt (tangled in a mass of hair). He radiated with the scent of cologne that's probably been fermenting for years. I was shocked and appalled. It's bad enough when he comes in after work covered in a layer of filth and B.O. This new and improved or possibly "weekend" version is absolutely horrible. I think I'd rather have Smelly McHucklebuck than Slick Hick any day. These are the people that I deal with regularly & I wonder why I'm this close to a jump with no bounce at the end.
"Rule #5 No foul language"
	We took a road trip Saturday night. Shane's big idea!!! There was a show that he discovered on the internet. Juliana and Zao at some place called The Attic in Dayton. Since my Mraz plans were screwed for Sunday, I thought it would have to work for now. I needed to go to a show. It's been so long and getting out of town sounded wonderful. As well as the fact that I've been listening to Juliana since junior year of high school (98/99) and had never seen them live. So it was overdue. We were running late and things were definitely getting chaotic once we made it off the highway. Couldn't find the place and drove around for a few minutes before asking for directions. Once we got there, parked, and began the walk to the door...we were surprised to find the words, "Positive Space" and "Teen Club" in purple across the entrance. ???What is this??? Confused, we went in, paid the lady at the counter who charged us $7 more than what ticket prices were listed and as we headed toward the stage area where the first band had started we looked around to find the crowd was mostly 16 and under. There was no alcohol, no smoking allowed in or around the building, along with a list of other rules 9 miles long. It looked like someone went to the local church youth seminar, kidnapped the entire population, and took them to Hot Topic. Now, I've grown accustomed to boys in girls jeans. It's been a scene fashion trend for several years now but Nicole made a very valid point when she said, "This place is 80% male and 90% girl pants". So we were observing the opener, Cyanide something and noticed a familiar face. Cunningham walks past and saw our sad sober faces as well. Had a bit of a conversation about how they were also duped by the internet. He was with his girlfriend, Andy, Tony, my favorite Matt and a few others. All of them were equally as depressed as we were. They'd taken a little trip across the parking lot to the Kwik and Cold (BEER) and downed a few 40's before they came in. Lucky. Ran into them again later, smoking at the top of the staircase outside the building and halfway across the parking lot. Nicole doesn't get into that particular genre of music but we found once Juliana went on that she was somewhat attracted to Brett (their frontman) and didn't mind the sound of his voice. (She has a thing for boys who can sing) For the years that I've been listening to The Juliana Theory, I've seen many many pictures of the band and didn't find any of them to be attractive in the slightest but up close and personal (as most silly girls would) I found the appeal was definitely greater. Later we discussed why there was any appeal at all. After seeing him off stage, he really wasn't much to look at. So why exactly was there an attraction??? I called out the fact that he does the eyebrow raise thing (like Crazy Will) and Nicole agreed. That was it. Although there were several hand gestures that screamed a question toward his sexuality...and although he had bad emo hair, the eyebrow raise is hot and that is that. After the show, we had plans to fly back to town for some party where we'd been told there would be harry buffalo. I didn't know the exact location and had been instructed to call Krock when we got back. I called...no answer. So we went to Park Ave instead. Finally, James wasn't so drunk he could barely stand let alone dance. I cornered him on the dance floor and found myself sandwiched between Mr. Fox and a VERY good looking gay man. Yes. That's right. I left Shane to Nicole's keeping and he decided to make up for lost time two fisting his drink of choice (Jack and Coke) I was surprised he didn't vomit on my Jeep again. That was Saturday. That was only Saturday.
"I'm the man!!!"
	I slept until 4 or 5 in the afternoon on Sunday. Why? Why do I do this to myself? I woke up to the sound of Nicole informing me that Will was there. That's not something I like to hear when I'm awake let alone half asleep. Let alone when there's nowhere to run. He made himself at home as usual. Invited himself to dinner when Nicole announced she was planning on making pork chops. When dinner was finished, I had a hankering for some ice cream. Where's the best place for the cream that is icy? Why The Creamery of course. We drug Will all the way to Delphos with us for an after dinner treat. Waited in line for at least 45 minutes but it was so worth it. That had to be the best hot fudge sundae there ever was. On our way back to Lima, I talked to James and Shane. Could it be anymore obvious? Here's little Willy in the back seat pining over me (oh, my faint heart) and I'm avoiding conversation with him by talking on the phone with my other guy friends. I don't know what to say to this guy anymore. Honestly, I don't mind his presence. He's not the most vile creature to ever exist but he can be quite annoying. Once again, Nicole put it best when she said, "I can only handle about 20-25 minutes of Will. After that it's all downhill." It's the truth. He comes over and at first, he makes conversation and things are somewhat entertaining and fun but then he starts in with the whining and complaining and I want to backhand him with large rings on. We picked up Shane on the way back to the house and things got a little weird. It's strange when two guys who are obviously interested are present and quasi-competing for your attention. Not once, but on several occasions, both of them told me that they could leave if it was going to be weird. But that finally stopped when Will decided that he was "The man". He made some comment about it and proceeded to state that he was "The man" over and over until he left and he only left because I told him that I'd be taking Shane home soon and going to bed. (I'm sure my comment about taking a vow of celibacy helped too) Shane stuck around for a little while. Apparently a conversation was had with him and Nicole about how I had told him that his lack of confidence was not so attractive. I told him that in attempts to stop the constant fascination with tying me down. He's not the only one who's tried recently and I'm starting to get a little frustrated with it. I'm single. I don't think I'm over the last one and until he leaves, I'm afraid that it is not likely that I'll be settling down. I don't even want to. I haven't been faced with anyone who's made me feel any differently about that decision. Now, Shane's not the type to carry on anything seriously physical without some strings attached which is commendable. He doesn't make any passes. For the most part he's nonsexual. It's fine and that's his thing. But I can't create a something from nothing. I get nothing therefore I give nothing and therefore there is nothing. Nicole told me later that she thinks he's going to try and be more physical in hopes that it will change my mind. It won't. He's a great guy and he's been nothing but sweet but I'm just not interested in it right now. I'm not interested in anything of the sort. I wasn't kidding. That vow of celibacy stands firm until I'm either enamored with someone or I can no longer hold resistance. This could become a problem. I'm already finding myself intrigued by a certain someone...I'm trying to hold back because it's not like I don't have enough issues to deal with already. I have a feeling I could break soon. It's just so tempting. Dammit Nicole! This is all your fault.
"Gaw Tina, you lard ass. Come get your dinner."
	Speaking of resistance, I haven't heard from Ry in awhile. Not since early last week. There's a possibility he's read what I have to say and it scared him. There's also the possibility that he's busy. I can understand being scared. The few times that we've hung out since coming to terms with each others plans for the future, it's been extremely hard not to go right back into the old routine. I want to flirt. I want to be touchy and relationshippy with him. It was comfortable. I know that he's leaving for a reason and spending time with me like that is only making things harder. On both of us because neither of us wanted it to be like this. But more than anything, I don't want him to go away and never speak to me again. I'm avoiding that at all costs. I don't want to lose him like I've lost others. He means too much. You learn a persons ins and outs over the period of time you're allotted together. You become close in any kind of relationship. I have a really rough time letting that go. No matter who or what the circumstance, when someone you're close to is removed from your life, it sucks. So after not seeing him for 2 months and then deciding to hang out when we have the time...it's been a week and I'm already having Ryan withdraws. Sad I know. I want to go see Fever Pitch Ry!!! I saw Drew Barrymore on Conan and I want to see it so bad!!! Gaw! Idiot!