04-10-00 Monday
-Thought for the Day-
If my aim is to prove I am "enough", the project goes on to infinity...because the battle was already lost the day I conceded the issue was debatable.-
-Nathaniel Branden
So I didn't get a chance to go to my cousin's and scan photos Friday. I went Saturday not expecting to do anything but scan some pictures. Once I was finished with that (and once Megan got back from practice) we all went out to eat. Megan and I devised this wonderful plan to have a second movie night. We got back from Pizza Hut and got on the internet to message her "friend" Lincoln. Now...we DO understand she likes Link. A LOT...he gave us the hardest time. She was groveling. It was horrible. But he finally agreed. Megan mentioned calling Mike. (I think I got a little too excited) But his phone was busy. (most probably someone on the computer) The plan: When Link got there we headed to the video store (in Link's Camaro... I got stuck in the back seat...and when I got out, it was like being born again. Small space...long legs.) then the grocery to get snacks, then we stopped at Mike's to see what he was up to. We get there...and Link just walks in the house. (ok) Mike is right there in the kitchen making something for Spanish class. (some fish...and lemon-lime...something like that) He's like, "Great timing! I was about ready to kill Steven (their exchange student) He's been on the computer forever, and I wanted to do something." He picks up this stack of paper...a novel he's been working on. We get to Megan's...but Mike and I ended up in the basement on the computer. (Alison was reading the novel) We ate twizzlers (speaking of twizzlers...I'm gonna go get them) and shared poetry...what can I say??? He's wonderful. Let me switch to my paper journal...I'll read a bit for you.
He's beautiful...so beautiful it makes my eyes hurt. and I'm hating myself more and more because I always fall for the guys I know I can't have.
We went upstairs and watched The Haunting with Megan and Lincoln. (God knows what they had been doing while we were in the basement. JK my Aunt was there) Mike sat down on the recliner and I went over to the couch. So he jumps onto the couch... (???) It's supposed to be a horror flick...but I wasn't scared at all. I jumped a few times. Only because Mike would grab my leg and make a gasping noise at the supposed scary parts. It was a rather good time.
~The closest thing to perfect but the farthest thing from me~
Finally at 3AM the boys decided to leave. (I hope no one got in trouble) We walked them out to Link's Camaro. (ouch) Megan puts Link in this bear-hug...I'm thinking *awkward moment*. Mike walks around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door while I'm trying my hardest to stare off into space. He comes back around the door...and asks if I'm cold. It was butt-freaking freezing out there...no coat...sandals...I'm like, "yeah!" So he opens up his coat and gives me an awesome hug. I can't describe...it was extremely comfortable. *sigh* Then he told me I should go in the house because it was so cold. (how sweet) Meg and I gave them a good ol' hillbilly wave goodbye and they sped down the street. I think I explained it the best in my paper journal...
Can I explain this? Well I can try. If the odds weren't stacked against me...If our parents...you know...If he wasn't leaving in a few months...and if I thought I had a chance...I'd polish my gun and hang up a sign that says, "IT'S HUNTING SEASON" but I lack such luck. I ALWAYS LOSE!
Yeah...I suppose this situation is pretty complicated. I told my friend Alanna about it today. (she's the only one who would really listen...but that's another story.) She said it sounds like (if he was normal) that he was putting the moves on me. (it was subtle...but there) She also said i should just ask him how he feels. But I guess I'm afraid to. Mostly because I'm extremely tired of getting burned but also because he's NOT a normal guy. He told Megan that he didn't want to get involved in a relationship since he's leaving for the National Guard...Damn! Why do I have to be a stupid hopeless romantic??? Why can't a be a rock! Why can't I be a mean, bitter, bitch??? *sigh* Now Alison (my other cousin) is trying to make plans for everyone this weekend! Goodness... I love twizzlers.
I put in a REAL picture page! check it out!
HOME
CONFLICTS
PICTURES
Email: lobobyobo@hotmail.com