04-07-03

"it's tough acting sad when you're really truly happy with life and everything surrounding you. the same goes when your sad trying to fake a smile. that happens too to the best of us. all i can say about that is to go with it. do what you need to do to embrace the feelings whatever they may be. everything we experience is exactly what we need for our strength in the future. we never know what lies ahead, and that not knowing is the real adventure and the remedy itself to heal us all and make us wise before the fall. someone bless us fools." J. Mraz


So I had a really good day yesterday. I got up super early so I could go on the search for a fake oscar statuette. Wasn't as successful as I had hoped. But I found a mini-magnetic one that said "world's greatest ice-skater". So I ripped the sticker off and wrote TJ, master of film. I thought it was pretty clever. It wasn't a big deal. He told me not to get him anything at all. But since he invited me to his family birthday party...I thought it was a nice gesture. So ya, the family birthday party. It was strange. It wasn't just for his birthday. His sister is 3 years older than him exactly to the day. So it was her party too. And they threw his uncle Tony's birthday in there too. Why the hell not. So his whole freaking family was there. aunts, uncles, cousins, their kids, family friends, grandma...everybody. His dad was taking pictures. And they were all asking me if I was TJ's girlfriend. His sister called us out on the car ride to pick up the pizza. She's like, "so what's going on with you two? Cause I think I have the right to know. Cause I like Laura. She's the only girl you've brought to the house more than once. She's the only one that I remembered her name, and she's nice. And Laura, my brother is quite the catch. He's funny, and he's sweet, and he's great with kids." It was hilarious. His uncle Tony was hitting on me. And his younger cousins were all like, "Laura is so nice and she's so pretty. I like her more than any of your other girlfriends TJ." I couldn't help but just stand there and laugh through the whole thing. So after everybody opened presents, we left (he had to drive me home). He wasn't in a very good mood. But I'm glad that I can be there to listen to him now since he's been such a help to me. I know that at one point he was telling me that I made him nervous. But when I was sitting in the car with him last night, I noticed how comfortable I felt just sitting there talking. So he dropped me off and said he was going to go drive around and try to blow off some steam.

~I'm the only one who can rescue me from me.~

He gave me the task of calling Laurie and having her inform Andrew that he wasn't coming over (TJ and Andrew had plans to hang out) But when I called Laurie...I was still in such a mood. So she was like, come on over. So I ended up going over there and Laurie, Steve and I went bar hopping. That was the first time that I've been giddy drunk. It was like sloppy, giggly drunk. Laurie and I playing pool has got to be a riot to witness. Anyhow, we got taco bell and went back to the house. Laurie and Steve went to bed...and I ended up watching Hollow Man with Andrew. We talked to TJ on the phone and he told Andrew not to let me drive home and to resist any come-ons that I might attempt. But I sobered up by the end of the movie and drove home at like 4am. So I had a good day yesterday.

~I just wanna get away. Save all of your bullshit for another day.~

So sometimes it's easy to forget about how horrible I feel. I attribute that to my friends. It's good to have people that are willing to get you drunk when you're sad. And it's good to have people that you can talk with about all the shit you're feeling. Or just call when you're in a good mood. Although good moods are rare. Laurie and I are actually talking about doing some remodeling work on her house together. That sounds like fun. She wants to knock down some walls...lots of demolishing and destroying. What could be more exciting than that??? But I'm gonna go take a shower. It's 8pm and I haven't done that yet. Now granted, I slept until 4 o'clock this afternoon...I smell.

~I don't need nobody tryin' to make me over.~

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