Writer's Block
Hello, this is Joshua Cabrera, and I am here today to talk to you about writer's block. Writer's block, or the block of writer, is a serious complication. In fact, it is the second leading cause of bad novels in this country (Agatha Christie being the first). Although it is serious, writer's block happens to all writers and can strike them at any time. The first recorded incident of writer's block occured in 1355. A man named Herbert Woodson was sitting down to write a novel about pantaloons, when, all of a sudden, his mind went blank. Thinking his brain had sprung a leak, he immediately encased his head in lucite. The next morning, the maid found his body and the block of lucite on the floor. Thinking he was asleep, she just vacuumed around him. The next day, the milkman came and found the corpse lying on the floor with the lucite on its head. He alerted all the townspeople and they called his condition writer's block (mostly because he was a writer with a block of lucite on his head). They then banned all lucite from the tri-county area. Naturally, they were right in doing so, because it was the lucite that killed Herbert Woodson. Lucite, you see, is a syrupy liquid that hardens quickly and doesn't allow air to pass through it. It was invented by the chemist Lucas Williams in 1301. He was busy making pancakes one day when he found that he was out of maple syrup. He began pouring chemicals carelessly into a vat, hoping to create a suitable topping for his breakfast. He scooped some up in a bowl and was about to pour the mixture onto his pancakes when he noticed it had hardened and was stuck to the inside of the bowl. As hard as he tried, he couldn't get the compound out. Two bent spoons and a twisted fork later, Lucas gave up. However, he realized he had created quite a substance. So, he did what any respected chemist would do. He bottled it and sold it as a sports drink. Lucarade didn't catch on too quickly, so he decided to use it to preserve insects or neighbors or whatever he could get his hands on. Eventually, the substance came to be known as lucite and was used by scientists all over the world. Which reminds me of another interesting story. One day this scientist named Sean Eckleburg was working in his laboratory. He was busy working on a recipe for a two-headed cat when his doorbell rang. When he answered it, a man named Fred Collier was standing there. He was an insurance salesman from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. He had grown up in a hot pink townhouse and lived down the street from the Sheboygan Landfill. When he was 17, he got a job on the boardwalk. A taffy puller accident caused one arm to be longer than the other. Because of this, he was wearing a custom made Van Heusen suit as he stood on Sean's porch. When he introduced himself, Sean greeted him and asked him to come in. They chatted for hours and had crumpets and Lucarade. After Fred had sold him $70,000 worth of Bubonic Plague coverage, he decided it was time to leave and left a form for Sean to fill out. So, Sean bid Fred farewell and gave him a Lucarade for the road. As Sean was preparing to fill out the insurance form, however, he realized he couldn't remember his name. It was apparent that he was suffering from a case of... WRITERS BLOCK. So you see, writer's block can strike anyone at any time. The only way to prevent it is to drink a mixture of orange juice and Ben-Gay three times a day. Keep this in mind the next time you think about writing something. Fire drill.