Where do you go when home's no longer safe?

For domestic violence victims, leaving can be the hardest part

October 1, 2006

By MEGAN VARNER
Index-Journal senior staff writer

When Mary met her husband, she quickly fell in love with the man she thought would be her perfect match and the one who would help her overcome the problems in her personal life.
But only a few weeks into the marriage, Mary began to realize that the man she had fallen for had a hidden, darker side.
“Everything seemed fine in the beginning because we loved each other,” said Mary, whose name has been changed to protect her identity. “We got married and little things started happening. ... Slowly, the relationship started changing.”Those “little things” she discovered included her husband’s alcohol abuse, drug addiction and severe financial problems. Mary said her husband began to control her life, giving her only a small “allowance” each week to spend and limiting whom she could talk to on the phone.
“He started paying me less and less, and he was keeping up with every penny I had,” she said, adding that the changes were frightening and disheartening. “He made me feel like a failure and that nobody would want me.”
Eventually, Mary’s husband turned violent, and his severe beatings left Mary with numerous physical injuries.
Like many victims of domestic violence, Mary made a decision that possibly saved her life.
She chose to leave.
Mary sought refuge at MEG’s House, a local emergency shelter for women and children serving Greenwood, McCormick and Edgefield counties. The shelter, like many safe homes in the state, provides short-term housing while offering emotional, physical and financial support for victims of domestic violence who have left abusive partners.
MEG’s House also serves men who have been victimized by partners.
South Carolina domestic violence shelters housed about 4,400 women and children in 2003, according to the South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Web site. Statewide, there were more than 39,800 cases of domestic violence reported in 2002.
Local shelter directors and domestic violence experts said that leaving an abuser can be a difficult choice for many victims of domestic violence, and it is a choice that often begins the most dangerous phase of the cycle of abuse.
A variety of factors, including emotional abuse, financial control and threats of physical harm, can keep women from leaving abusive partners, said Alice Hodges, executive director of MEG’s House. Abusers tend to be jealous of their partners’ relationships with other people and, as seen in Mary’s case, can try to restrict who their partners can contact.
Some women also have difficulty leaving because of their own feelings or beliefs that their partner can change.
“It was hard just to get out because I loved this man,” Mary said. “I’m still in love with this man, but I’m scared to death.”
Martha Busterna, executive director of the Sexual Trauma and Counseling Center in Greenwood, said some abusive partners threaten severe physical violence if the victim leaves.
“That’s why many women stay in a relationship — it’s the threat of, ‘I’ll kill you if you leave,’” Busterna said, adding that, when women do make the choice to leave an abusive relationship, they are at a high risk of being murdered.
Martina Flynn, executive director of the Laurens County Safe Home, which serves Abbeville, Saluda and Laurens counties, said the increased risk of murder is sparked by a loss of control on the abuser’s part.
“Abuse is about power and control. If she takes control, he sees that as a loss of control on his part, and a loss of control is devastating for him,” Flynn said.
The loss is so devastating, Hodges added, that it can send the abuser into a fit of rage.
But when the violence begins to affect the children in the home, experts said, it can be the breaking point for a victim and can push her flee from her abuser for the safety of her children.
“That’s the highest motivating factor, in my opinion,” Flynn said.
For Anne, a MEG’s House client whose name has been changed to protect her identity, the violence her husband showed toward her children was reason enough to leave the relationship.
“My son was going into his bedroom to get a toy, and (my husband) jumped up and grabbed him. I went in to rescue (my son) and (my husband) turned on me,” she said, adding that the violence eventually landed on the couple’s other children.
Anne said she began to pack some things in preparation to leave the home, but she said the choice was still difficult.
“I was concerned about him and I stayed preoccupied with that thought,” she said. “I had to eventually get myself together and think of me.”Flynn said that women who are in violent relationships should quietly get important papers and documents together in preparation to leave quickly, adding that some women even pack bags and hide them in a place that won’t be discovered by their abuser.
According to Citizens Opposed to Domestic Abuse, a group that serves counties in South Carolina’s low country, victims should also practice how to get out of their home and should identify a neighbor that can be told about the violence and asked to call police if a disturbance develops. The group’s Web site said money, keys, copies of important papers and clothing can be left with someone else, and victims can open a savings account in their own name to establish or increase their own financial independence.
Women should also keep with them the numbers of local domestic violence shelters, the Web site suggests.
Shelters, such as MEG’s House or the Laurens County Safe Home, can provide food, clothing, personal hygiene products, children’s diapers, medication, life skills and parenting tips, legal support and referrals to other local agencies for help.
“If a victim has made the decision to leave a violent situation, we will do our best to provide anything they need to begin a new life,” Flynn said.
She added, “Not all victims have to stay (at the shelter) to get the services.”
And for many shelter residents, those services have given them renewed hope during a difficult and frightening time.
“The verbal abuse had beat me down and I had nobody to talk to. The counselors here are jewels as far as being open to talk to. They treat you like human beings,” Mary said of MEG’s House. “They are trying to give me the tools to understand that I wasn’t at fault. ... It was difficult to come to MEG’s House, but I’m not going back (to my husband). I know that now.”

The ‘safe’ in ‘safe homes’ remains top priority following murder at North Carolina shelter

October 1, 2006

By MEGAN VARNER
Index-Journal senior staff writer

The cycle of domestic violence can be broken when a victim makes the decision to leave his or her abuser. Often, the victim seeks shelter and guidance at a local “safe home,” where counselors and case managers can provide needed emotional, physical and financial support for victims as they begin to rebuild their lives.
In September, a domestic violence victim who sought refuge in a shelter in Sylva, N.C., was shot to death by her husband after he pushed his way into the center, The Associated Press reported. The incident has raised concerns about just how safe “safe homes” can be.
Local domestic violence shelter directors said last month’s shelter killing has been an eye-opener for centers across the nation, and they said local shelters take every precaution possible when it comes to keeping residents out of harm’s way.
“It definitely heightens your awareness of safety, especially on the part of the clients and residents,” said Martina Flynn, executive director for the Laurens County Safe Home. “They’ve heard the news and they are aware, and we are spending more time than in the past reassuring their safety.”
Alice Hodges, director of MEG’s House, an emergency shelter serving women and children in Greenwood, Edgefield and McCormick counties, said she has tried to contact the North Carolina shelter’s coalition to learn more about what happened and take steps to keep it from happening locally.
“I wanted to ask the folks at that shelter some direct questions in order to plan some training for the staff here,” Hodges said.
Like most safe homes, local shelters make a hearty attempt to keep their location secret in the community, in order to keep abusers or other potential offenders away from the residents and staff.
“We like to inform our clients that they are not to share our location, especially with the abuser, but also with family members or anyone,” Hodges said. “Unfortunately, clients sometimes disclose the location, and that’s grounds to be (removed) from the shelter because it violates the safety of not only the victim, but of the other women, children and staff.”
But a shelter’s location can also be spread throughout small communities by word of mouth, which can be somewhat frustrating for shelter staff and directors.
“We would appreciate it if people wouldn’t share the location because, if you are not a victim, social service provider or law enforcement, there is really no need for you to know where the shelter is,” Hodges said.
Although the information can be leaked or spread around a community, Flynn said most people understand that the location is to be kept a secret. “I’m always surprised at the number of people who don’t know where the shelter is,” Flynn said. “It’s always a delightful surprise and it shows that people in the community care.”
MEG’s House and the Laurens County Safe Home, like most shelters, employ the use of a number of security devices at their locations, including surveillance cameras, intercom systems, fences and security walls.
The cameras and intercom systems allow staff members inside the centers to see who is approaching the location or entrances without ever having to open doors.
At the Laurens shelter, which serves Abbeville, Saluda and Laurens counties, residents are able to park their vehicles away from public sight, Flynn said, giving them more security as they come and go from the shelter.
And if a woman does not feel safe at her local shelter, or if her abuser knows where the shelter is, she can be moved to other shelters in surrounding communities, Flynn said.
The shelters have a close relationship with city police and sheriff’s offices, directors said, and law enforcement performs patrols of the areas surrounding the shelters on a regular basis.
Hodges said residents of the shelter develop a safety plan, with the help of a staff member or case manager, that can keep them out of danger should they see their abuser while away from the safe home.
“It is something they can carry with them and it outlines what they should do,” Hodges said.
The staff members at the shelters also receive routine training on safety measures.
“The staff has an awareness that, if someone shows up that is not supposed to be here, we call 911,” Hodges said.
Hodges said MEG’s House has had someone “break the outer perimeters” of the shelter in the past, but the police were quickly able to resolve the situation and it did not escalate to the level of last month’s incident in North Carolina. The shelter also occasionally receives phone calls from abusers looking for their victims.
Martha Busterna, executive director of the Sexual Trauma and Counseling Center in Greenwood, said abusers can sometimes be so driven to find their spouses or partners that even the most secure shelters can be at risk. “As much as shelters do everything they can to keep safety in place, these things can happen,” Busterna, whose training includes domestic violence issues, said. “Those things (security measures) need to be in place, but the biggest thing is awareness on the issue.”
Busterna said domestic violence can escalate to murder, especially when the abused partner is trying to leave the relationship, whether the victim is at home or in a shelter.
“But (the victims) are safer in a shelter than they are anywhere else,” Busterna said, adding that incidents such as the one North Carolina, where a victim is murdered while in a safe home, are rare. “It’s a situation that is most likely not going to happen.”
Hodges said she would like to be able to place additional security cameras around MEG’s House to pan the entire perimeter and eliminate any “blind spots,” though she said the upgrades would have to wait until additional funding comes in.
Hodges said an important step in keeping the residents of a shelter safe is to treat each situation as though it could become as dangerous as last month’s incident in North Carolina.
“We can’t predict 100 percent that we are safe, but we do our best to try to make sure that the women who come into the shelter understand how serious this is,” Hodges said. “All situations aren’t lethal, but if we treat them like they are ... I feel like we are doing our part to make sure the women and staff at the shelter are safe.”

Local kids race in triathlon

October 1, 2006

By CHRIS TRAINOR
Index-Journal sports writer

The ratings of cartoons in Greenwood likely took a significant dip Saturday morning.
That’s because a large group of youngsters were out and about swimming, biking and running at the second annual Kiwanis Club Kids Triathlon at Lander University.
In all, 52 boys and girls ages 5-12 participated in the event. A kid’s triathlon is composed of a 100-yard swim, a three-mile bike ride and a one-mile run.
“The main goal of Kiwanis is to serve kids around the world,” said Denise Manley, who is the incoming president of the Greenwood Kiwanis Club. “This is the second consecutive year we have done this event, and we use it to promote fitness for our young people and fight youth obesity.”
Race director Josh Fennell said he enjoys seeing young people playing hard and having a good time.
“Seeing their faces as they cross the finish line makes all the hard work worthwhile,” Fennell said.
“These young people find finishing the race very rewarding. I think it’s awesome that they have access to a fun event like this one.”
Matt Van Swol, 12, was the overall male winner with a time of 22 minutes, 33 seconds. Meanwhile, 12-year-old Hannah Taber was the overall female winner with a time of 22:46.
Different competitors took different viewpoints of Saturday’s events.
Phillip Storie, who made a special effort to point out that he is 7 and a half years old, said he enjoys the bike-riding section of triathlons.
“I like it because you can talk to people,” Storie said. “Then you can catch up to them and pass them.”
Nine-year-old Kane Parker, a student at Matthews Elementary, said he also likes the cycling section.
“It makes your legs stronger,” Parker said, pointing to his calf muscle. “Plus, you can go really fast.”
Despite the youth of the competitors, many are triathlon veterans. For Kathleen Hughes, 9, Saturday marked the fourth triathlon she has competed in.
“I like the swimming, because it’s easy,” said Hughes, with a giggle. “It’s fun racing with the other kids.”
Manley said young people today are lucky to have events such as Saturday’s.
“We didn’t have these opportunities when I was younger,” Manley said. “We’re very pleased to be able to provide these kids with something positive for their lives.”

Opinion

Children or no children, taxpayers support schools

October 1, 2006

If you haven’t read the “Letter to Our Readers” on Page 2A today, go back and read what Executive News Editor Richard Whiting writes. It’s about the School District 50 Board of Trustees’ handling of a proposed installment bond purchase plan, vis-a-vis the public, and the board’s “special called” meeting Monday night. This meeting is supposed to be held at the district office on Calhoun Road at 6 o’clock and the tentative agenda includes the bond issue.
Taxpayers who have kept up with what’s been happening since the bond plan was first mentioned will surely want to attend the meeting. After all, they have millions of dollars at stake.

FURTHERMORE, AS TAXPAYERS they should be involved. They don’t have to have children in school. They pay the same taxes as those who do.
From all appearances, taxpayers might wonder if they have been confronted with efforts to keep the bond proposals and discussions surrounding them low key, if not confusing. Who knows? Some might wonder if there’s a possibility the whole thing could have been muddled, on purpose or otherwise.
Some may wonder about a lot of other things ..... how many millions of dollars could be involved and how they could be spent, as well as what discussions have included and when and where discussions might have been held.

CONSIDERING EVERYTHING, wouldn’t it be understandable if taxpayers want to know more about the entire situation?
Remember, taxes would have to pay off bonds, whether they amount to $l million or $150 million. That makes everything about the bonds public information, including everything around and about them. This kind of school business must be done in open meetings. It cannot be transacted in executive session. It’s the law.
If members of the public have any suspicions - any at all - they have an obligation to themselves, their children, grandchildren and their grandchildrens’ grandchildren to expect open discussions and votes. For many, so far that hasn’t always seemed to be the case.

Obituaries

Joseph Wesley Brown

HONEA PATH — Joseph Wesley Brown, 83, of 308 Samuel Road, husband of Martha Sorrow Brown, died Saturday, September 30, 2006 at Hospice House of Anderson.
Born in Lincolnton, GA.; a son of the late George W. and Marie Henderson Brown. He was retired from Winn Dixie and was a U.S. Navy Veteran of W.W. II, where he served in the Pacific Theater. He was a member of First Assembly of God and the Sr. Saints Sunday School Class.
Surviving in addition to his wife of the home are a son, Tim Brown of Honea Path; a daughter Becky Brown of Honea Path; two sisters Earline Gaskins and Kathleen Cannon both of Greenwood; a brother Billy Brown of Greenwood; five grandchildren and six great grandchildren.
Memorial services will be 3:00 p.m. Monday at Harley Funeral Home Chapel with the Rev. Harmon Brown officiating.
The body is at Harley Funeral Home where the family will receive friends Sunday night from 6:00 until 8:00 p.m.
The family is at the home.
Harley Funeral Home & Crematory is in charge of arrangements.
Online condolences may be sent to the family at www.harleyfuneralhome.com.

Odell Gillion

James Odell Gillion, 90, resident of 306 Briarwood Road, widower of Queda Vines Gillion, died September 29, 2006 at Self Regional Medical Center.
Born June 13, 1916 in Greenwood, he was a son of the late Ernest Gary and Essie Hastings Gillion. He was a US Army Veteran of World War II and was a retired agent from the Life Insurance Company of Georgia. Following his retirement he served as a bailiff at the Greenwood County Courthouse for 14 years.
Mr. Gillion was a member of South Main Street Baptist Church and the Senior Citizens Group of the church. He was also a member of the American Legion Post #20 and the Greenwood Life Insurance Underwriters Association.
Surviving are one son, Mark and wife Anne Long of Greenwood; one brother, E.C. Gillian, Sr. of Greenwood; four grandchildren, Tommy and wife Christy McClean of Holly Hill, Kristy and husband Neill McMillan, James and wife Kristi Long and John Long, all of Greenwood; he was also the adored Pop to 8 great-grandchildren, Brittany, Neill, Will, Ashton, Nicholas, Haleigh, Kayla and Ethan.
He was twice married, first to the late Helen Mobley Gillion.
He was predeceased by two brothers, Thomas Earl Gillion and Eulus Gillion.
A graveside service will be conducted at 3:30 p.m. Sunday at Greenwood Memorial Gardens with Rev. Ryan Eklund and Rev. Richard McWhite officiating.
Pallbearers will be Gary Gillion, Kevin Gillian, Matt Thornton, Jamey Moss, David Moss, Gillian Moss and Judge Bart McGuire.
Honorary escort will be Life of Georgia Retirees and the staff of the Montgomery Center along with, John Hastings, Harvey Gillion, Leroy Gillion, Donald Kay, James Kay Vines, Joe Bolton, Joe Scott, Dr. Jonathan Lynch and Dr. Floyd Hatcher.
The body is at Blyth Funeral Home where the family will receive friends from 1:30 to 3 Sunday afternoon.
The family is at the home on Briarwood Road.
Memorials may be made to the South Main Street Baptist Church Building Fund, P.O. Box 1093, Greenwood, SC 29648.
Blyth Funeral Home & Cremation Services is assisting Mr. Gillion’s family.
Online condolences may be sent to the family at www.blythfuneralhome.com.

L.J. Morgan

DONALDS — L.J. Morgan, 74, of 74 Upper Shady Grove Road, wife of James Morgan, died Friday, September 29, 2006, at Self Regional Healthcare.
The family is at the home.
Services will be announced by Robinson-Walker Funeral Service, Ware Shoals.

Joyce Roberts

ABBEVILLE — Joyce Faye Robbins Roberts, 62, resident of 37 Earl Lane widow of Earl Roberts died Friday Sept. 29, 2006 at her home.
Born in Adrian, Michigan she was a daughter of the late Robert and Lucille Barker Robbins.
She worked for many years with the Abbeville Co. School District 60 as a lunchroom dietician. She retired from Abbeville Co. Memorial Hospital in the business office. She was a member of Hodges Rd. Church of Christ.
Survivors are: 3 sons Billy Roberts and his wife Beverly of Johnson City, TN, Ronnie Roberts and his wife Molly of Abbeville, SC and Jeff Roberts and his wife Carmen of Abbeville, SC; 3 sisters Jane Backus of Kenosha, Wisconsin, Fran Webb of Lucasville, OH and Sue Cobb of Olive Hill, TN; 1 brother Robert Robbins of Hamilton, Alabama and 5 grandchildren.
Funeral services will be conducted Monday Oct. 2, 2006 at 2:00 PM from the Chandler-Jackson Funeral Home Chapel with Mr. Keith Tripp officiating. Entombment will follow in Forest Lawn Memory Gardens, Abbeville, SC.
The body is at The Chandler-Jackson Funeral Home where the family will receive friends from 6:00 until 7:00 PM Sunday evening. The family is at the residence 37 Earl Lane Abbeville, SC.
Active pallbearers will be Chris Patterson, Tony Fisher, Bobby Humphries, David Todd, Reggie Fleming, Jimmy Finley, Tim Williams and Jason Ritter.
Honorary pallbearers will be Tony Southard and Bobby Fisher.
Memorials may be made to Hospice of the Piedmont, 408 West Alexander Ave. Greenwood, SC 29646.
The Chandler-Jackson Funeral Home, Abbeville, is in charge of arrangements.
Online condolences may be sent to the family at www.chandlerjacksonfh.com.

Betty Schumpert

SALUDA — Betty Pow Schumpert, 78, of 1073 Barr Woods Rd., died Friday, September 29, 2006, at her residence.
Born in Edgefield County and a daughter of the late Budge Garvin and Auzelle Adams Pow, she was the wife of George William Schumpert, Jr. Mrs. Schumpert retired after 30 years as a Quality Control Inspector with Williamson - Dickie Manufacturing. She was a member of Hickory Grove Advent Christian Church where she was a former Sunday School teacher. She was active with the Senior Citizens group and was a member of the Women’s Home and Foreign Missions Society. Mrs. Schumpert was a loving and devoted wife, mother and homemaker.
Surviving are her husband of 50 1/2 years, George William Schumpert, Jr., one son and daughter-in-law, George William III and Linda Schumpert of Saluda, two sisters and a brother-in-law, Ruth Crawford of Saluda and Peggy and Paul Brown of Hodges; one brother and sister-in-law, Bill and Jerrie Pow of Ninety Six and two grandchildren, George William “Will” Schumpert IV and Brooke Nicole Schumpert.
A brother, Willie Pow and two sisters, Enoree Allen and Ebbie McCarthy preceded Mrs. Schumpert in death.
Funeral services will be 2:00 PM Monday, October 2, 2006, at Hickory Grove Advent Christian Church with Rev. David McCarthy and Rev. John Griffith officiating. Interment will follow in the church cemetery.
The family will receive friends from 6 until 8 PM Sunday evening at Ramey Funeral Home.
Memorials may be made to Hickory Grove Advent Christian Church Cemetery Fund, 391 Hickory Grove Rd., Saluda, SC 29138.

Robert Snead

HODGES — Robert Lee Snead, 77, resident of 5100 Emerson Street, widower of Mary George Rampey Snead died September 30, 2006.
Born in Beckley, West Virginia, August 5, 1929, he was a son of the late Clifford and Beulah Snead. Mr. Snead served as 1st Lieutenant in the US Army during the Korean Conflict. He earned both a Bachelor’s and Master’s Degree from Furman University and in 1978 earned a Doctorate Degree in Education from Duke University. He retired in 1992 after 36 years in education from Belton Honea Path High School where he served as Principal.
Mr. Snead was a member of Hodges United Methodist Church.
Surviving are two sons, John Robert Snead and Mitchell Lee Snead; two grandchildren, Mary Kate Snead and Jane Anne Snead, all of Hodges.
Funeral services will be conducted at 10:00 AM Monday at the Hodges United Methodist Church with Rev. Herb Franklin and Rev. Chris Arries officiating.
Burial will be in the Providence Baptist Church Cemetery.
Pallbearers will be Calvin Hannah, Robbie Taylor, Clyde Blizzard, Hobbie Erickson, Jimmy Ray Sweezy and Carroll Davis.
Honorary escort will be Charles Brissie, Tony Langley, Paul O’dell, Ken Walden, J.C. Gosnell and John Anderson.
The family is at the home of John Snead, 4721 Hwy 25 N. in Hodges.
Memorials may be made to the Belton Honea Path High School, The Robert L. Snead Scholarship, c/o The Palmetto Bank, 4513 Main Street, Hodges, SC 29653 or to Hodges United Methodist Church Building Fund, Robertson Street, Hodges, SC 29453.
Blyth Funeral Home & Cremation Services is assisting the Snead family.
Online condolences may be sent to the family at www.blythfuneralhome.com.