Which way is up?

I despise living in limbo. I have no direction at all right now in the smaller scheme of things, because I am pending between two possible jobs, I didn't get cast in a play, and I really have nothing else going on that requires any drive or ambition. So here I float, a pile of wasted energy.

I expect a call from one company today, and if they offer me a position, I think I will accept it.

Then I will have a whole heap of stuff to do, like finding child care, arranging benefits, writing a resignation letter for my current job, and generally getting on with my life. For now, though, I'm stuck here, waiting on other people's whims in every respect.

Shelly suggested I learn something new, make a trek to the library and absorb something wonderous and mind-occupying. Maybe I will still do that, I don't know. Unfortunately it doesn't make this day at work go any faster!

I can't believe this is already the 4th of December. I'm hoping to start a new job right away so that I might get a paycheck before Christmas. In some ways having kids makes Christmas 10 times more wonderful, because they are such fun on holidays, and get so excited their enthusiasm is contagious. In other ways, though, it can be stressful. I never want my munchkin to have to endure a poor-person's Christmas. As I see it, I only have 11 more Christmases until she's 18, and only half of those before she becomes a teenager and loses that charming childish glee that I love to watch. So I want to make every holiday as special as it can be. We already have our tree up, and have plans to visit my mom & Sam and my dad & Suzi. Now if I can just make the home stuff fly. Kirstin needs a lot of clothes this year. (And she's the one kid in the world who opening gifts has been known to say "I hope it's clothes!")

Oh well. Even if I start a new job on the 7th, I won't get paid until at least the 25th, and that's Christmas day, which would be a little too late. Belated gifts from Santa just don't really cut it.

Ironically, the song stuck in my head is part of a Madonna song called Substitute for Love, from the Ray of Light Cd:

"No famous places, far off places/Trinkets I can buy/Handsome stranger, heady danger/Drug that I can try/No ferris wheel, no heart to steal/No laughter in the dark/No one night stand, no far off land/No fire that I can't spark"

It's a song about the futility of seeking love from the wrong sources. I'm not sure why it's in my head. I hope it's not a psychological association or anything :) I don't really feel unloved at the moment!