The ticking of the clock

The past couple of days have been crammed with work, and I don't foresee that changing any time soon. Ordinarily I'm right on top of my email and voice mail, for instance, and know the status of all my various projects. At the moment, I'm so overbooked that I haven't even turned on my computer this week, much less touched base with my spreadsheets and email. I've been presenting in meetings, participating in meetings, and running errands like a loony. Still, I have found time to scrawl my journal on my PDA, stick it in a template, and FTP it up from the internet terminal at LCC on my way home. I must really be an addict.

This morning I was pretty happy with the way my meeting went, though. I think I'm the type of person who provides leadership in a meeting. I might not be in charge, but I tend to be the first one to speak up with new ideas or proposals; to 'break the ice' in the room and get things flowing. Often a room full of professionals seem to be intimidated that they will open their mouths and the rest of us will not be completely impressed with them. Screw that. I don't care whether they are impressed with my verbosity or annoyed by it, at least I'm working on the topic and getting some ideas out there. I wish people weren't so pretentious and cautious sometimes.

I also got up today and started organizing our ideas onto the white board in the front of the room. No one asked me to do it, but we had about 12 topics open for discussion, and I couldn't keep them straight anymore, so I listed them out. People seemed to be grateful that I did; yet no one was willing to stand up and do it themselves.

Sometimes I don't understand the professional mentality. Is there something fundementally unprofessional about standing up and offering to help out with something like that?

Anyway, I think I *like* that I don't fit exactly with the type of person who tends to sit in that room for meetings. I'm proud that I can think on my feet and that I can articulate my thoughts without fear of embarrassing myself. Sometimes I slip up and say something incredibly stupid, but I'm the first one to admit it, and I haven't sensed any lack of respect from the others as a result. Screw it. I'm outspoken and I'm proud.

I'm also hungry, and cold, and it's 2 PM and I haven't had time to eat or sit down since Sunday. I think I will make time for a real sit-down meal tonight after taekwondo.

I have been working hard (in the bathroom and photocopy room) on my palgwe forms, and feel they are beginning to come together. I'm worried, though, that if I turn off my brain and just go on muscle memory, my body wants to confuse itself. I can do taeguk and palgwe 1-4 without really thinking about it at all, about 90 percent of the time. The other 8 forms, though, my muscles seem to have mixed about somehow. I'll start to do palgwe 6, get halfway through, and automatically switch to taeguk 7, or something ridiculous like that. I think maybe I just haven't done enough repetitions of those forms to cement them in memory, a fact which I'm trying desperately to rectify this week.

It's very difficult to build muscle memory in our bathroom at work, though. It isn't big enough to do forms in, really. I need an empty room, about 20 feet square. Those are hard to come by.

Last night after bell choir I went in to LCC to run things a few times, but I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I didn't last very long. (If I don't eat, I get grumpy and impatient; with myself more than anyone.) Tonight I hopefully will get plenty of time to practice, but that's not a guarantee, since I'll be in a room with a lot of juniors who will probably ask for my help. I don't mind that at all; as a matter of fact, I enjoy helping out. I also selfishly appreciate that the more I teach a form, the better I am at remembering it later.

I'm happy to say that at this point, almost all of the footwork for our wedding has been done. The only thing I have yet to book is a caterer. We have a cake, a date, a location, a tent, two portapotties, 200 chairs, and tables for everyone. Invitations are here, rings are here, my dress is here. Men's and ladies' clothing has been selected. Flowers are here. Our officiant has us on his calendar.

Granted there's still a ceremony to write, music to arrange and musicians to work with, decorations to make and hang, flowers to plant, fittings to attend, shopping to do, and a honeymoon to hopefully plan; but I feel as though the main bulk of deciding and planning things has passed. Also, most of the money has been spent, which is digging into my pocketbook with a vengeance, but I feel good about having it done.

My mom seems to be very pleased with the way things are going, which comforts me greatly. I know she was worried about some of my choices. (I bought a wedding dress on Ebay, for crying out loud. It was a risk.)