Her name is Casey, and she's a 2 month-old Golden Retriever. She's a chubby little thing who is obviously going to have broad shoulders and a squarish muzzle, and is brimming with the endless energy of everyone so young. I love puppies! Of course Leeloo wasn't too fond of the dog, so she ended up upstairs behind closed doors while we played with her and were generally silly.
At about 1 AM we fell into bed, completely tired, hands smelling of little doggy. Forest immediately went to sleep (he's really good at that) but I just couldn't! I was too busy working out in my head.
Last night was the first night I strapped on a hogu (chest pad) and a helmet and sparred full-contact at Tae Kwon Do club. I went first against a girl named Shelly (not the one you all know), who had sparred a bit before, so she's a lot better at it than I am, but she is terrified she's going to get hurt, so I could pretty easily keep up with her. Still, she got a lot more points in on me than she should have, and I didn't do as well as I would have liked.
It's hard for me to make myself want to get in there and kick and punch someone. It's just not like me at all. Sure, I occasionally slug someone in the shoulder, and playfully wrestle in tickle-fights.I'm not afraid to touch people, and I'm not worried they will break or that I'll be hurt. My brain just isn't used to formulating and executing strategies, and blocking kicks and punches that are flying at my head and chest. I also fought Cory, that guy who is so much fun to watch, and who has so much energy. I was somewhat happy that I wore him down a bit, but I don't think I got any good hits on him at all. I got a kick or two to land, but none for points.
So last night in the middle of the night I was going over and over the fights in my head. I don't think fast enough, I don't stay light enough on my toes, and I don't stay far enough forward, and didn't use enough long-range kicks to take advantage of the length of my legs.
I did do a few things right, but that's not the point of self-evaluation. When I go out tonight, I want to do a lot better... and I always work these things out on my pillow.
I really wish it were payday. Forest and I are both pretty screwed for cash right now. I fronted the theatre guild a hundred bucks for their programs, thinking that I could get paid back that same night... however the lady with the checkbook has been nowhere to be found. So now I'm in the hole. I hope none of my checks bounce before I get paid or get a guild check. We're so broke that we left my minivan in Lansing yesterday, and drove Forest's Neon back to Eaton Rapids. We're going to try to carpool in the Neon for the rest of the week, since it gets such good mileage that we might not have to fill it up. I brought some oatmeal and brown sugar from home to eat at work today for lunch and dinner, and Forest is going to mooch food from Olga's while he's working there. Then, rather than drive to Eaton Rapids between work and TKD club, I'm going to park the Neon somewhere, break out the blanket and take a nap. (Since I got so little sleep last night, it will be good for me... and I won't be spending any money.)
No money for food, no money for gas, just none. It's ugly. Then again, my first half of the month is *always* bad like this. I have my house payment on the 13th of every month, all of my utilities are due by the 15th, and so is my insurance payment. The only thing I have that's due at the end of the month is my car payment. I should think I would be able to save some money from that second half of the month to help out with the beginning of the next, but I always have those unexpected expenses that crop up and bite me squarely in the butt.
A wise man once informed me that no matter how much you make, that's what you will spend. Money is such a pain in the ass. And Christmas time is just a few more weeks away!
I love to Christmas shop. Last night I poked around the Mall a bit, dreaming of what I would get for people if only I could. I want to get my sister this cool birdhouse, that would look really nice on her back patio. I saw a $500 leather jacket with a nice zip-out wool lining and insulation that I wanted to get for Forest, along with matching gloves. (Yeah, right - like I will ever be able to afford that.) Actually I saw a lot of clothes I wanted to get for him, just because he's been so poor for his whole life that he doesn't really have any. I also want to get him a new TKD helmet (his is about worn out) and a new hogu, among many many other things I know he needs. Then I stumbled across a lovely book of poetry he would love, and it occurred to me that I would like to get his Miranda print framed. I found a bunch of nice clothes for Kirstin, too (since that's what she needs and what she always wants) and a great collection of books she would enjoy.
I also saw things I wanted to get for my mom, Forest's dad, Andy & Shelly, Alex, Jim, and Laura. If only I had the cold hard cash!
Of course last night Forest and I were discussing the matter, and realized that our hungry bellies would be more than taken care of next week. Can you believe that's Thanksgiving? Time flies right by when you're head over heels for someone. We're going to go to my mother's house for a noon turkey dinner, and then Forest's grandma's for a 4 PM dinner and to play football with Forest's cousins. We should have enough food to last us several days.
I got to talking with Forest (of course, who else do I ever talk with on a daily basis) yesterday about RPG's. We've both been itching to play Mage lately, and want to try Changeling. Of course that's a problem, because we don't know anyone who's interested in Changeling (I know I have a friend with the books, but I can't remember which friend it is...) or anyone who actively wants to play Mage. All of my friends are most likely already embroiled in as much gaming as they care to be. If I remember right, they have an Aeon/Trinity campaign that started right after I left, an ongoing Thursday night AD&D game run by Marcellus and a weekend one by Jeff. That's the minimum, there may be more. Well, I don't know. Maybe if Forest and I were to run one of the really unusual games just once or twice a month some of them would be interested. I'll talk to him about it tonight.
Tomorrow evening we're forgoing our usual Wednesday night date due to lack of funds. It's a bummer, but at least we're still planning on spending the time together. I think we're going to get some work done. Forest still has some stuff at his brother's house that needs to be moved out, maybe we will do that. We also need to do laundry, and find a way to kill the tiny spiders that are eating me alive every night.
Oh, did I mention that? Every morning I wake up with more of these little bites. They are in groups, and they are spread out, and some of them are in patches so close to each other that my skin is actually raw. I have them all over my body. They are stark-red because I scratch them while I sleep. I look like I have the measels! It's oh-so-sexy, I'm sure. I have got to find a way to prevent this before I go completely insane from being so terribly itchy. I'm mildly allergic to these stupid bites. I can restrain myself from scratching them during waking hours, but at night when I'm sleeping it's just not possible. Grrr.
Auditions for two shows I was interested in have come and gone, and like a true good parent, I didn't go try out. Forest really wanted me to do it, and promised we would find a way to schedule things so he could watch Kirstin for me, and he would help her with her homework. That was really sweet of him, but I feel personally responsible for Kirstin's performance in school, and I'm not ready to give him a try at it on his own yet.
Really that's not very fair of me. He really loves Kirstin, and honestly wants to help out, and I won't let him. I don't know why, and I can't even imagine a good reason. I know he wants to get to know her better, and needs to explore the idea of having a kid around, since it's a new thing on him with our relationship. I'm the first mom he's ever dated. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to give him too much responsibility. Am I subconsciously afraid that Kirstin will act up and scare him away?
It would have to be subconscious, because I *know* it wouldn't be that easy to frighten him off, and Kirstin would never act out that badly, she's too well-behaved for that. It would be contrary to both of their characters. Besides, Kirstin has informed me that she wants Forest to stay "forever and ever", which generally means she tries to make him happy. She does whatever he asks without any argument, and tries to be quite the model citizen when he's around. Showers him with affections.
Maybe I'm afraid they will get too close, and things won't work out with me and Forest, and she'll get hurt again like she did when I left Jeff. It's possible. She attaches herself to the adults in my life with great tenacity. She loves and adores my friends, and I know she misses seeing all of them terribly, even though they were there to see me, not her.
I probably am afraid of that. I'm not willing to seperate them, though. Because if things *do* work out for the long-term with Forest, I don't want to have kept them seperate during times when they should have been forming a relationship. Bah. This is all so confusing. I just have to follow my heart, I guess, and trust that Kirstin and I are both strong people, and as long as we have each other, we're going to be okay.
Speaking of Forest in the long term, in his sleepiness he made a pretty big slip-up yesterday. Karen and Jim were showing off Casey, who was adorably tumbling around on the floor with Forest, and I said "We should get a dog!"
Forest gave me the sidelong look that clearly said "Are-you-out-of-your-mind? We-can-barely-handle-our-kitten!"
We all laughed at his expression.
Then he said, "We'll get a dog when Kirstin graduates, okay hon?"
Aww. What a sweetheart. That's ten years from now. I knew his intentions were to be a couple with me for as long as we could make each other happy, but we really hadn't talked in terms of time.
