It's really not so bad. I'm relieved to be awake, since I dreamed all night that people kept bringing me guppies, and pretty soon my whole yard was full of bowls of guppies, and they wouldn't go away. they were cute, and colorful, and their water was clean. I enjoyed watching them. But they were everywhere! Soon they were in the toilet, in the sink, and in my flower vases. It wasn't really an upsetting dream, it was just very confusing, and I remember thinking that I had no idea why I would want to dream about this all night long.
Anyone want to psychoanalyze that? I dare you.
On the way to work today I heard Pink Floyd's "The Wall". It led me to recall my teenage years. I never thought I was a rebellious kid. I always wanted to make my parents happy and proud. I worked pretty hard in high school, took all the classes they wanted me to take without too much complaint, and participated in a million extracurricular activities.
Now that I think about it, though, I remember that nasty little passive-agressive ways I *did* rebel. I didn't even know I was doing it. I'd make plans and commit myself months in advance without consulting my mom, which of course would throw her entire life into a tailspin since she would have to rearrange her vacation or whatever event I had disrupted.
I quit piano lessons without telling her my sophomore year. She had, of course, paid a year in advance, and I didn't quit within the refund period, so she lost all that money, and she had just bought a new piano to boot. I would get lazy on weekends, and rather than keep my sisters out of trouble when babysitting, I'd let them go at it, and then have them just cleaning it up when she would get home. I slept until 2 in the afternoon on Saturdays. I played "The Wall" at top volume on her CD player. I didn't do it while she was home, but of course when she would get home and try to turn on NPR, it would be so loud she would about jump out of her skin.
I was a mean kid. And I had no idea.
I dread Kirstin's high school days. I hope I'm a good parent by then, and I hope I have someone solidly teamed up with me by then. It doesn't have to be a husband, but someone who's willing to put up with the thick of it and support me. Teenagers are awful. Of course, 2-year-olds are supposed to be awful, too, and Kirstin wasn't. I don't know if it's because I wouldn't LET her be awful, or if she's just not built that way. Let's hope it's the latter.
I'm incredibly blessed to have Forest. Last night was simply heaven. I didn't ever want it to end. We got home and Kirstin only had one math paper. Forest and I had made a deal with her, that she was to try to do all the problems herself, and could only ask questions afterward. We would answer them, but only if they were specific questions. (Meaning "I don't get it" doesn't cut it.) I have to give Forest the credit. This was his idea, and I was skeptical, but you know what? It worked pretty well. It wasn't entirely painless, but the homework that would have taken us 4 hours the old way only took an hour this way. It was really very nice.
Forest had promised Kirstin that if she got things done in time, we'd all watch Anastasia together. So we ordered pizza, got into our comfiest 'jamas, and curled up on the couch in a pile. It was lovely. Kirstin was thrilled that she'd finally earned some reward and that we were spending time with her in such a nice way, and Forest and I were able to relax with Kirstin in the room for the first time all week. Heavenly. The movie got over just at 8:25, and there was time for us to read Kirstin a chapter of The Book of Three before she had to get to sleep.
After Kirstin went to bed, I agreed with Forest that the movie had been so pleasant that I wanted to watch another one. So we popped in Mulan, and stayed snuggled up all the way through that, too.
It was so nice to have a peaceful night at home. No tears, no whining, no baleful glares, and far less frustration. Let's hope we can repeat that next time.
Tonight Kirstin is going to spend the night with Jeff and Alex. She left home in extremely high spirits today, so I'm hopeful that will make her very happy. She may also get some play-time with Alex on Sunday, depending on my mom's schedule. I'm pleased that things are working out so well with that, and I hope they continue to. I sort of wish I didn't have to work at Natural Wonders to make it happen... but then again, I really ought to learn to let Kirstin go places even when I'm not busy. She is old enough to have her own social life.
I'm looking forward to this weekend very much. Hopefully Forest won't get too terribly injured at his tournament on Saturday, and the baby shower will get out early enough that we'll get to go see the new show in Bath. Some of my favorite actor friends are in it, and I am dying to see their performance.
I worry about Forest at that tournament. I shouldn't. He can take care of himself, and everyone is a good sport and no one is trying to kill anyone. But it's a fight. There will be guys competing against him who have been fighting for 10 or 15 years longer than he. The whole thing makes my hands sweat.
